Feeling Good

These last few days have been good. Or at least yesterday and today. That's as far back as I can remember right now. I'm making a conscious effort to spend more time in the Word and in prayer. I need your prayers to continue, because satan knows I'm easily distracted. I found joy in the fact that I looked at my prayer journal today and hesitated, but then chose to get it out and write for the second day in a row. It's not a first, but it's been a while. It makes me happy that I chose to do what is right and what is good for me and my relationship with my Creator. For a while, I had lost my purpose. I had forgotten why I was here and what I was doing. I'll tell you, it was not fun. But as I've spent time with him, he reminded me that I came to see him move in this country. I came to be a part of bringing about his kingdom here. I still don't know exactly what it looks like, but perhaps it is just being available to him. But to be available to him means I need to be listening to him daily, constantly giving up my laziness to continue investing in relationships I've begun. It is so easy (and what I have been doing for the last two months) to come home from work and take a nap and then be lazy and watch episodes of CSI all day. CSI in and of itself is not bad, but when my days off turn into days in, where I just spend all day watching CSI and looking at things on Facebook, it becomes unhealthy. I guess I change my mind from what I wrote in my last post. I still want to learn to let go of my expectations, but when someone desires to change, it helps to have goals. I think I want to make it a goal for 2012 to learn to be less lazy, to get off the computer and read. To get better at guitar. Maybe I'll even endeavor to teach myself piano. I want to try painting. There are so many things I can do that would allow God to use me, but it starts with me getting off my computer. Even though I'm not currently working at Santisuk, I will try to spend a few hours there during the week, building the friendships I started and then neglected. For a long time, people have poured into me. It's my turn to intercede for them and for this country. My goal for 2012 is to never forget. Never forget what God has done and in turn, never forget my purpose. To worship him with my words and my life. To point everyone I meet to the incredibleness of who he is. In November, I was reading through Ezekiel, and then  have been jumping around in the New Testament. Currently I'm in 1 Peter. Truth is, I'm trying to put off going back to the Old Testamant. It can be kinda hard to understand sometimes. But after I finish this book, Daniel, here I am. And I know this one can be confusing, so if you have any cool thoughts about any passages there, it'd be great if you shared them to help me understand those apocalyptic parts better.

Anywho, I went to the Dr. today because my right eye turned really red yesterday after poking it in the morning with the mascara wand. I thought maybe I had a version of pink eye caused by trauma. And I guess maybe that's true, but the dr. said that the jab in the eye had nothing to do with it (I don't believe her). But she did say that I have scratches all around my eye from prolonged wearing of my contacts. :/ That's happened before. I need to take better care of my eyes. No more wearing contacts for 16 hours straight. Not okay.

Okay. Bed time. In my next update, I'll talk about how my transition is going in regards to moving apartments. :)

Thanks for the prayers. I feel them. And really, thank you.
Tracy

New Year, New Outlook

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. I tried once or twice to start a blog, but then would get interrupted or the internet would cut and then I just got lazy as time went on. Not to mention depressed. So here's the December recap. Ironically, the week after I posted that I only had to work one day was the longest week. It turns out my coworker had a minor stroke, so they called me in to cover for her. Conveniently enough, I got a realllly bad cold, so it made my week long and miserable. And then came the holiday/culture shock depression. I had my ideas of how my celebrations would be abroad, and these did not come to fruition. I had expectations that I didn't even know about until reality came crashing in. I think I cried more days than I didn't in the last couple of weeks. Some days I wondered to myself if I was even happy. Yet by God's grace, I made it through and I feel so much better. It's like coming to those realizations lifted an enormous burden off of me. Not to mention the holidays are over. I'm starting this new year fresh. And I want to have a positive outlook. No resolutions for me. I already have issues with unmet expectations; I don't want to put more pressure on myself. Sure, there are things that I would like to see happen, but mostly in 2012 (and the rest of life) I want to learn to let go. I'll try harder to keep updating here, so you aren't in the dark as to how life is going.

Pray requests:
*Better and more consistent quiet times.
*Saturday I'm moving in with my friend, so pray for the transition from just friends to roommates and then also having to live with someone again after a long while.. it may or may not be difficult.
*I'm singing tomorrow at church. Pray that God uses it for his glory.
*Pray that I find joy in my job. Of course I love the little ones, but I dread going to work each day.

That's all I can think of. Thanks for being patient with me!
Tracy