Dead and Gone

And no, I'm not talking about the new Justin Timberlake song. I was looking at old pictures and emails, etc. And that girl that was in those photos is so far off to me. I don't even know who she is. I don't feel like I connect with her at all. Another life. That girl is dead. I have no idea who I am now. How do I work out who I am in relation to what I've experienced in the last year? I don't know where I am or where I'm going. I had been upset because I felt I didn't connect well with many people from LA Term. And then I realized I hadn't really connected with anyone for a while. Then I realized I don't let people in. Last time I did, I make really good friends. But I also was really hurt in that process. Could it be that part of my life that totally turned me off to opening up to others? I don't know that I like this melancholy version of me, but I don't know how to fix it. It's not exactly easy to drop all defenses. I feel even vulnerable as I'm writing this, even though I know not many people read it.

I have this picture in my mind of the world spinning around me. And suddenly, I lose my footing. I feel like I'm in such a dark place, and I don't know how to find my way out of it.

Or maybe this is just how I feel tonight, and tomorrow will be better. But maybe not. I guess we'll see.

Me.