thoughts

It's been a week and a half. Way too long again. I've just been really tired. But today was the last class of Immigrant LA, so I'm thinking the workload will relax little. Quick overview? Saturday Lydia and I did a short tour of Boyle Heights for our project and then I pretty much did nothing and allowed myself to relax. Sunday, I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I did mostly nothing. Monday: class. I can't even remember anymore. It's all a blur. Tuesday: Internship. Same ole, Same ole. Wednesday, Lydia and I didn't go to the LA Term Worship time because we chose to sit down with our host sister Erika and interview her for our project. That was nice getting to talk to her for a bit. Thursday, we woke up early and went to the immigrant rights rally which took place right outside of the high school where President Obama was to have a town meeting only a few hours later. That was really cool, using my white privilege and power to stand in solidarity with people who are seeking to have their voices heard. Immigration reform is a must, and that's what we stood out there for. We held a banner that said "Alto de las Redades" (Stop the Raids). Cool.
Friday was a great day in class. We finished watching Gandhi, which is a great movie, by the way. (And I started developing a really good Indian accent. I was pretty proud.) But then as a class, we discussed Gandhi's universalism. Some were getting really wrapped up in the validity of other religions. We discussed the fact that Alicia and I both participated in the prayer rituals at a Muslim mosque. I never take notes in that class, but I had to find someway to write stuff out to remember it or think it through. So I'll go through what was on my paper:

Universalism- "Is Christianity the only way?" I've been through this stupid struggle before. I do believe it, but sometimes it's hard for me to rationally vocalize it. I know there's the whole "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." And that's great. It really is. Yet even though I believe firmly in that, someone else believe firmly in something else. If we are both equally passion and convicted by our beliefs, who is right? I can find proof for me, and they can probably find proof for them. Is there any way we can REALLY know? Or does it just come down to faith and personal experience?

Which transitions me to the next item of business on my notes: several students were going down a thought path that makes Christianity very relative, basically a "This is true for me; that's true for you. I'm going to trust that they are both true." Paul called it a postmodern view of faith/religion. I would definitely not be one to go along with this. If there's one thing I learned in my Christian Life, Faith, and Ministry class, it was the Wesleyan Quadrilateral. This says that faith/religion is based on four main aspects: Reason, Experience, Scripture, Tradition. I totally agree. You can't just dismiss scripture and go with experience the same way that you can't dismiss reason and experience and go with tradition and Scripture. One leads to wild "spirituality" (as is the case with much of our generation); the other leads to rigid legalism. Neither option is healthy. One of the girls was even talking about the mistakes that are in the Bible. Now, I know there are inconsistencies, but I will NEVER believe that they are mistakes. The writers of the Gospels wrote for different purposes and this is the reason for a lack of agreement.

So the next part goes back to Universalism, because I suppose our conversation went in that direction again. A very wise comment was made about the differences between religions. This comment was something along the lines of "The biggest difference among religions is what happens after death and the rules along with that. Each religion's prescribed way of living is very similar to the others." Most religions value truth and love. I think that is where some of the other students were getting caught up. If we all want the same things, then aren't we the same? And the answer is no, because the end result is very different.

And like I wrote earlier, we discussed participation in other religion. I cited Paul as an example, "When I am with the Gentiles, I act like a Gentile, but when I am with the Jews, I act like Jew". Other something very similar to that. (No meaning was changed in my lack of exact words.) I talked about how in order to win people over, we need to realize we are coming into their culture (in other countries) and need to respect their way of life. I do not desire to show up and be stand-offish, because I feel that behavior like this sends the message that I feel I am better than others. But then there was also presented the argument that we cannot bow down to idols and even if we aren't "bowing our hearts," we must not give the impression that we are. Thoughts, anyone?

Then Saturday, we went to a church service with Juanita. And then Allie and Emily and Summer picked me up for Lenka, Justin Nozuka and Missy Higgins concert. It was amazing. Lenka rocked it up. She pretty much has my dream job. Ok, not dream, because the dream is to lead worship around the world, but a very close second. She just went up there and had so much fun, dancing around and singing. It made me have fun in the audience. Justin sang beautifully with lots of soul, something I would like to develop in my voice. And Missy was amazing. She was so much better live than on her cd. And her cd is really good. But oh my goodness, when she would sing, I would just close my eyes and ask God to let me sing some day. Sometimes, it's the greatest desire of my heart. Just to sing. TANGENT: In Immigrant LA, we talked about how in other countries, children picked their desired professions and then follow a schooling track that leads them there. I thought to myself, how cool is it that the jobs little kids dream of having are actually within reach for them. (I also saw the downside of not getting to learn new stuff that you would never have tried before.) But really, why must we develop "backup plans" for ourselves. If we really want to do something, why don't we work until we get it? That's my idealistic side coming through. My realist side says: Because i's never going to happen. There is no way you are going to be good enough on any instrument to lead worship professionally. And you don't have enough musical talent to write your own stuff. That's my reality. Boo for that.

Sunday was all project, all day. Today in class, we had a guest speaker that cited both Old Testament and New Testament for reasons to help immigrants. And I thought to myself, can you really use OT commands today? Do they still apply? Because I have a feeling that they were directly to the Israelites for the way they were to live many years ago. Didn't Jesus come and totally rewrite the way that we are to live? Should the OT be used mostly for history and background?

I also vocalized my hesitancy to stand on either side of the fence (no pun intended) on immigration. I talked about how one part of me does acknoledge the need to address the lack of human rights available to undocumented immigrants crossing the border. The other side says, shouldn't they realize the great risk they are taking? Don't they take into account the hard journey ahead? The speaker just mentioned that many of them don't realize that the desert is so big and they don't realize how severe the desert elements can be. I guess I never thought of that part. But still: Should we help them if they are breaking the law?

Lydia helped me by taking a step backwards. Do I believe the current laws are just? Because if I do, then civil disobedience is something I'd be willing to do. I think.


Lots of questions in my mind lately. Yup, yup.
Got any answers/ideas? Please share. :)
Trace

pick up.

OK. Picking up where I left off, I'll go back to Sunday night's sermon. Pastor Gene spoke about different views of what happens to people after death. I don't remember the reason he stated it, but he said something about people and social issues, saying "If we are only showing them God's love, how are they going to know God's love?" Or something like thatm basically putting down the social gospel by saying that helping people doesn't tell them about God. Now don't get me wrong, I also believe that there comes a time when we need to use our voices, but I am a strong advocate for Frances of Assisi "Tell people about Christ. And if necessary, use words." I felt like Gene was saying that helping people does nothing and we need to simply go out and do some street preaching. Now that is something I'm skeptical of. If we go out and do soemthing as impersonal as that, how can people really be changed? And I thought to myself, if we show God's love in a practical way, isn't he going to move and open doors? I do believe there is a time to speak, but if God is not opening that door, I believe that we should not force it. I feel as though if we are obeying God by serving his people, then it opens doors for people to ASK us about our faith and allow us to build relationship with them, rather than forcing our religion in their faces. No one wants to be coerced into faith. And he brought up social issues again later in the sermon. And I was SO angry. I thought, how can he, as a pastor, disregard the effect that social issues have on the spiritual lives of people. I have to believe that Pastor Gene knows we ought to be serving the poor and helping those who can't help themselves, but that just didn't come across in that sermon. I was pretty ticked off, I'm not gonna lie. In fact, I was so angry about it that when the contemplative time of worship started, I couldn't participate. I had to consiously tell myself to worry about it later because this was a time of worhsip. I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to work. Pastor's words aren't supposed to distract from truth. That's a problem. I really wanted to talk to him afterwards and ask what it was that he really meant, but I didn't. Even when he was two feet away from me.

What are your thoughts?

Back to my chronological explanation of meaningless life tasks. Wednesday was pretty cool because Damaris, one of the previous LA Termers came and spoke to us about her GLT. Nori brought her in to talk about it because Damaris went to Mexico and did her research project on immigration and the border. I think Nori feels really bad about us not going anymore. I've come to terms with it. Maybe I'll take a trip down there at somepoint and see it for myself. But afer Damaris spoke, I got really excited for my own GLT. I think about it so much now. I pretty much have it all planned out. I want to go back to Rosario, Argentina. Hopefully Dan Ryder will be able to hook me up with a homestay. I want to find an internship, which shouldn't be too hard, that allows me to do something with TESL, and I want to do my research project on the Toba Indians. I haven't even taken the preparation class yet. I feel worlds ahead of everyone else. But at the same time, I feel like something's wrong with me. Most of the other students want to go to India or Iraq or Saudi Arabia. Somewhere in the Middle East/South Asia. And I don't. I feel like there are generalizations that fit most of the Global Studies students, but don't apply to me. Don't get me wrong, I realize that there is something good about being different, but sometimes I wish I could share in some of the ambiguity that people face or regional excitement or a call to the city. I don't have those things. Blah. But that's okay. God made me different, right? Right. Wednesday night we jsut went and got McFlurries from McDonald's because not everyone could come to the worship thing. Thursday's internship kept me busy, which was good. And I asked Mia if I could sit in on the next meeting, just to listen. That'll keep me from just sitting around waiting for instruction. Maybe I'll get a feel for what it's really like. And the symposium is coming up soon. One of the days, I'll be in class so I won't be able to attend, but Heili told me to come afterward for the special dinner for the speakers. :) Yay! Thursday night, Lydia and I went to the Artwalk that happens once a month in the Gallery District. It was really cool to see all the abilities that God has given people. My favorite was LAMP. It's a gallery that houses pictures made my homeless people/people with mental health problems. And these were incredible. We talked to one guy for 10 minutes and he showed us all his water color pictures. And these weren't just any water color pictures. They were phenomenal. Just the way he used color was amazing: some of it simple, some of it extremely complex, all of it beautiful. And he was the nicest guy, there were a few times we admired something in particular and he jsut took it out of his book and gave it to us. Lydia really liked a comic he had drawn in pen and he just handed it to her. It was of a little girl with dozens of small flowers on the ground by her feet and trees with really big flowers that were out of her reach. And there was a ladder against one of the trees and the girl was holding a giant flower. The caption was "Think BIG!" And it just spoke volumes about not being complacent with the little things that are easily within reach; we need to be willing to go the distance to get the grand things. Good stuff. And we continued flipping through and there was a copy of one of his watercolors on a card that LAMP makes and sells. And I thought it was cool, so he took the card out and gave it to me. Very generous.
Friday in class some people shared from their journals and then we watched half of a movie on Gandhi. I'm really interested in it. I've never known much about Gandhi until now, what with our readings on Martin Luther King, Jr. (who admired Gandhi greatly) and the civil rights movement and the movie that we've now started. After class, Lydia and I came home and watched some Friends episodes and then Die Hard. She'd never seen it. Good stuff. I catch soemthing new every time. Like, did you know that the gas prices in the 80s were around 74 cents? That just is unreal to me. Unreal.
Today we talked a little with Juanita and Erika and then went on an obbservational walk around Boyle Heights for our project for class. It was really cool. I feel like I know the area a lot better. We passed no less than 18 yard sales today and at least 10 barber shops and auto places. I'm proud that I made the connection that there were so many service oriented shops (auto/barber) because that's the kind of social capital that immigrants come in with. And immigrants also come in as entrepreneurs, which explains the abundance of markets and discount clothing shops. Those take very little skill, but bring in a sufficient income for an immigrant. Go me. :) This afternoon, I've just been chillin, watching ANTM and old episodes of One Tree Hill. I read some for homework. I've got a lot more reading to do before Monday. I'm not excited about that, but I am excited about the fact that we get to sleep in on Monday. We don't have to be to class until 1:30! Hoo-rah!

Pray for me? on Friday I found out that I was accepted as a returning Alpha leader for next semester, but I also learned that there were several people who were turned down that would have been amazing. I don't feel as excited about it as I used to, but I know i will be amazing again. I don't know if I should accept the position or not, knowing that I'm taking the place of other students who have not yet experienced it. And I have to put my schoolwork first, which means I cannot go to the retreat where we find out who our AC group is. I received two recommendation to be a D Group leader next year and I think I really would like to do that. Stacie told me I could do both. But I'm not sure. It's kinda like I know I want to be a D Group leader, but do I want to do Returner as well? Do I want to do Beginnings all over again? Do I want another group of freshman? Wouldn't I rather have a group of people who WANT to be there (a lot of people would rather Alpha weren't a requirement)? Don't I want to help lead a group of girl deeper into the word? Don't I need Timothys? I realized I can have both, but can I dedicate the time necessary to both? Is there someone who needs Alpha more than I do, as much as it has blessed my life? Pray for me. Give me advice. I don't know what to do, but I need to do it soon because next weekend is the retreat. God, lead me. We did Lectio Divina for our devotional on Friday during class and part of teh passage she read to us was about removing the protetive layers around our hearts. I felt like God was telling that I need to be okay with feeling. I know that when I've gone away for the weekend, I find myself not wanting to return, because I know I'm going back to a world of heavy issues that I don't want to think about. Pray that I open myself up to be empathetic, that what breaks God's heart will break mine.
That is all. I guess I must return to my homework. Or watch One Tree Hill. :)

Tracy

blah.

So I've had plenty of chances to update, but I've been very lazy. And I'm sick of just writing about what I've done and not what I've been thinking and struggling with. So I'll write a quick overview of what I've done and come back to write my issues later. I just need to have another entry for class. We're checking journals today. This is mine. So Wednesday in class, we pretty much did nothing. Like really. Nothing. We were all on Facebook and random websites. Wednesday night we did small worship at Brianna and Bethel's and then Alicia told her life story. I'm glad I know her a little better now. Then we did karaoke! It was amazingly fun! Then on the way home, on the bus, some cute guy got on and Lydia made some comment. Then she asked me if I thought he was tall enough. I said he was probably about the right size. And she jokingly said "the right size.. if you know what I mean!" And I said "Ew." And then the lady in front of us turned around and looked at us and I was really embarrassed. Then she laughed and asked if we wanted to see a picture of her boyfriend. We said sure. She got out her cell phone and when we looked down at teh picture, we realized it was a penis! We were so shocked. We had to hold in our laughter until after she got off the bus, but OH MY GOSH. It was gross. But the situation was hilarious. Thursday was internship. Same ole, same ole. Friday we went to the Midnight Mission and served food to the homeless. Cool, right? Except I was the only one they didn't have a job for, so I just stood around wondering why I was there. To this day, I don't know. Then I was off to APU for the weekend! Yay! I had my Alpha returner interview, then we dressed up and went to Victoria Gardens for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Delish. Then Saturday we went to Venice Beach. I really wanted to get my nose pierced, but all the places were really expensive. But I'm going to do it before I leave LA. I'm determined. Sunday, Allie and I went to the Spanish service at Grace. It was amazing. I'm totally planning on going every week when I get back. That night I was afraid of how it would be to see everyone again. To find out whether or not I had been missed, to see if I still had a place. It was reaffirming to find out positive answers to those questions. I was really angry with Pastor Gene's talk though. I'll come back to this later and write about it, because class is starting soon and I need to be there. Monday we went to immigration court, which ended up being really boring, but I did find out that they are treated less than human, being reduced to case numbers and "the female." Tuesday was internship again. I arrived and I guess Mia and Heili were in a meeting, so there was no one there for me to ask if there was something I could be doing. So I read for 45 minutes. Wonderful. But I was busy the rest of the day. OK, I'm gonna go to class, so I will come back to this later!
Chau Chau!

2/3

I'm just gonna start off by saying that I'm really sad no one gave me any feedback on my question about homeless people. I started importing my blog onto Facebook in hopes that some people would dialogue with me about what I'm learning. It seemed to work well (unintentionally) for that 25 things note. But I will keep writing in hopes that I am not simply telling you about my life here, but that I am challenging you as well with some of the things I'm learning.
Friday, we had an amazing discussion in class about liberalism vs. fundemetalism in theology that turned into liberalism vs. conservativism in politics. It was good to know I'm not alone in trying to sort all this out. The most memorable point, though, was made in saying that our loyalties lie with the gospel. We follow what Jesus did and said to do. And all this came waaaaay before any stupid political party. We also used the narrow road as imagery for us in that we walk a fine line with liberal on one side and conservative on the other. We do not have to accept all the policies of one political party and are free to choose which ideas we want to support. But yea, I don't know if that made sense to you, but it made so much sense for me. Friday night, I went over to Brianna and Bethel's, along with a few other LA Term students, and we watched the movie Snatch. It was interesting to say the least. It's probably bad when we all laugh at the irony of death. Or is it? We don't have anything to be afraid of.
Saturday, Lydia and I were supposed to go hang out with most of the LA Termers, but decided we needed a day to spend some time together, so we watched Changeling (good movie!) in the morning with Erika and her friend and then headed off to Hollywood for some thrift store shopping! After that, we ate at a pizzaria. So good. I hadn't eaten pizza in who knows how long! When we got home, there were SO many family members at the house! We talked for a little and then went to do homework. And THEN I realized that I had left my purchases at the pizzaria. So I frantically searched for that pizza place that started with an E on Melrose. Luckily, I found it, and so had the guy who was working, so he had it for me to go pick up. Woot!
Sunday, we opted not to go to church, but we each spent time in the Word and then had our own worship time. Then we spent the day with all the family who was there. And another thing that was really cool was that the two girls who stayed at Juanita's last semester came over for a while. It was good to talk to them and see how they are doing now and adapting to life outside the urban setting. We alo asked them what they wished they did more of, which ended up being simply to take advantage of our location. I realized I've never been to the art district, Little Tokyo, Little Ethiopia, and probably a bunch more! So I have to make some plans for that! But back to my day. It turns out, there were three family birthdays on Sunday! Rosita, who is Juanita's sister, turned 51, Filiberto, the baby who is often at our house because Nayeli is sick (Nayeli's baby) turned 1, and Juan Carlitos turned 3. He is just about THE cutest little kid. Oh my goodness. At around 8, we went over to Juanita's sister's house to celebrate with Juan Carlitos and Rosita. I had actaully been craving cheesecake earlier, so it was pretty marvelous when they brought some out! But the cake for little Juan Carlos was soooo good, too! Whipped frosting and marshmellows and cherries. I ate too many sweets though; I felt pretty awful afterwards. Then homework and bed.
Yesterday was Monday. We spent way too long listening to her explain what we read, because, after all, we already read it! But after lunch, we got to go to a day laborer site. We got to hear a little bit about the center and their fight to make sure all day laborers get no less than 10$ an hour. One of the men, Antonio, told us his story. Most of the guys were from Guatemala, but a few were there, also, from Honduras. We found out that, with the economy so bad (and it will probably only get worse), the men only get to work about 4 days a month. If they're lucky. Most were only able to work closer to 2. Afterwards, we got a chance to talk to some of the guys. Brianna and I talked to one for a little while. I took a chance and asked him if there were any men there who didn't have papers. He said there were probably 4 or 6. Well, that's what I thought he said at first. Then I realized he said that there were probably 4 or 6 WITH papers. And there were close to 200 men on the block. Maybe he was talking about out of the 50 or so that were standing there. But still. Wow. The majority are trying to end money back to their families, but are having a hard time even keeping a life for themselves. They wait at Home Depot from 6 in the morning until someimte in the afternoon, I don't remember when. It's funny how people complain about illegal aliens, but none of them actually know one. It's so different when those people suddenly have faces and voices and needs. It becomes personal. I still don't think they should come illegally, but they're here. And they are people, too. After school, I spent 2 hours just trying to go pick up the clothing I left at Enzo's (the pizzaria, which has pretty good pizza, if you ask me!). Then Lydia and I just read MLKJ at the center, waiting for 5:30, when we left to go to Immanuel Presbyterian for their free yoga classes. It was interesting. Relaxing, yet taxing. (Like my rhyme?) I found I have a real problem with tension in my shoulders. The instructor kept having to come correct that for me. After yoga, Lydia and I went home, ate dinner, and watched Slumdog Millionaire. We'd been waiting to see it for a while. I thought it was really good and really unique. I had no idea it was a love story. But it wasn't JUST a love story; it opened eyes to many realities/injustices that poor people face, not just in India, but all over the world. I liked it. Last night I woke up at 3:30. I think it was becaused I realized what I was dreaming. I don't really remember now, but I know there were a lot of brown people. Mostly children. I have the feeling, they were being treated unjustly, so I tried to figure out who I was dreaming about. It could have been day laborers from Guatemala (I don't know why, but I keep thinking these people were Salvadorean), they could have been the children of the slums of India. I realized that what I am learning is now affecting me not only in my conscious state, but my unconscious as well. I don't know if the internalization is a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, it's becoming a part of me and I'll never be the same. But at the same time, is it bad if I cannot separate myself? Or is that a good thing; after all, as Christians, we are supposed to feel the hurts of our brothers as well. I don't know. Feedback? :)
On my way to work today, I was thinking that I want to help whoever it was in my dream, but how could I if they were everywhere?And I thought about the fact that my goal has been to serve the Toba Indians of Argentina. And I realized they were brown, too. The people in my dream could have been my Tobas. Oh yea, and the other day, I was looking for the website that Christy and Jonathan told us they used in the class where we set up our Global Learning Term. I don't think I found it, but I didnt find a number of opporunities for internships in Argentina, some of which include learning to teach English as a second language. I'm getting really excited for that next year. It'll be incredible.
But yes. Here is the prayer request part. I don't have anything specific, but I would love to know how I can pray for you. So please email me, message me, whatever. I have been neglecting that a lot. It's not that I haven't done it, I just have not known what I can pray for specifically.
You truly are dear to my heart.
Tracy