pick up.

OK. Picking up where I left off, I'll go back to Sunday night's sermon. Pastor Gene spoke about different views of what happens to people after death. I don't remember the reason he stated it, but he said something about people and social issues, saying "If we are only showing them God's love, how are they going to know God's love?" Or something like thatm basically putting down the social gospel by saying that helping people doesn't tell them about God. Now don't get me wrong, I also believe that there comes a time when we need to use our voices, but I am a strong advocate for Frances of Assisi "Tell people about Christ. And if necessary, use words." I felt like Gene was saying that helping people does nothing and we need to simply go out and do some street preaching. Now that is something I'm skeptical of. If we go out and do soemthing as impersonal as that, how can people really be changed? And I thought to myself, if we show God's love in a practical way, isn't he going to move and open doors? I do believe there is a time to speak, but if God is not opening that door, I believe that we should not force it. I feel as though if we are obeying God by serving his people, then it opens doors for people to ASK us about our faith and allow us to build relationship with them, rather than forcing our religion in their faces. No one wants to be coerced into faith. And he brought up social issues again later in the sermon. And I was SO angry. I thought, how can he, as a pastor, disregard the effect that social issues have on the spiritual lives of people. I have to believe that Pastor Gene knows we ought to be serving the poor and helping those who can't help themselves, but that just didn't come across in that sermon. I was pretty ticked off, I'm not gonna lie. In fact, I was so angry about it that when the contemplative time of worship started, I couldn't participate. I had to consiously tell myself to worry about it later because this was a time of worhsip. I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to work. Pastor's words aren't supposed to distract from truth. That's a problem. I really wanted to talk to him afterwards and ask what it was that he really meant, but I didn't. Even when he was two feet away from me.

What are your thoughts?

Back to my chronological explanation of meaningless life tasks. Wednesday was pretty cool because Damaris, one of the previous LA Termers came and spoke to us about her GLT. Nori brought her in to talk about it because Damaris went to Mexico and did her research project on immigration and the border. I think Nori feels really bad about us not going anymore. I've come to terms with it. Maybe I'll take a trip down there at somepoint and see it for myself. But afer Damaris spoke, I got really excited for my own GLT. I think about it so much now. I pretty much have it all planned out. I want to go back to Rosario, Argentina. Hopefully Dan Ryder will be able to hook me up with a homestay. I want to find an internship, which shouldn't be too hard, that allows me to do something with TESL, and I want to do my research project on the Toba Indians. I haven't even taken the preparation class yet. I feel worlds ahead of everyone else. But at the same time, I feel like something's wrong with me. Most of the other students want to go to India or Iraq or Saudi Arabia. Somewhere in the Middle East/South Asia. And I don't. I feel like there are generalizations that fit most of the Global Studies students, but don't apply to me. Don't get me wrong, I realize that there is something good about being different, but sometimes I wish I could share in some of the ambiguity that people face or regional excitement or a call to the city. I don't have those things. Blah. But that's okay. God made me different, right? Right. Wednesday night we jsut went and got McFlurries from McDonald's because not everyone could come to the worship thing. Thursday's internship kept me busy, which was good. And I asked Mia if I could sit in on the next meeting, just to listen. That'll keep me from just sitting around waiting for instruction. Maybe I'll get a feel for what it's really like. And the symposium is coming up soon. One of the days, I'll be in class so I won't be able to attend, but Heili told me to come afterward for the special dinner for the speakers. :) Yay! Thursday night, Lydia and I went to the Artwalk that happens once a month in the Gallery District. It was really cool to see all the abilities that God has given people. My favorite was LAMP. It's a gallery that houses pictures made my homeless people/people with mental health problems. And these were incredible. We talked to one guy for 10 minutes and he showed us all his water color pictures. And these weren't just any water color pictures. They were phenomenal. Just the way he used color was amazing: some of it simple, some of it extremely complex, all of it beautiful. And he was the nicest guy, there were a few times we admired something in particular and he jsut took it out of his book and gave it to us. Lydia really liked a comic he had drawn in pen and he just handed it to her. It was of a little girl with dozens of small flowers on the ground by her feet and trees with really big flowers that were out of her reach. And there was a ladder against one of the trees and the girl was holding a giant flower. The caption was "Think BIG!" And it just spoke volumes about not being complacent with the little things that are easily within reach; we need to be willing to go the distance to get the grand things. Good stuff. And we continued flipping through and there was a copy of one of his watercolors on a card that LAMP makes and sells. And I thought it was cool, so he took the card out and gave it to me. Very generous.
Friday in class some people shared from their journals and then we watched half of a movie on Gandhi. I'm really interested in it. I've never known much about Gandhi until now, what with our readings on Martin Luther King, Jr. (who admired Gandhi greatly) and the civil rights movement and the movie that we've now started. After class, Lydia and I came home and watched some Friends episodes and then Die Hard. She'd never seen it. Good stuff. I catch soemthing new every time. Like, did you know that the gas prices in the 80s were around 74 cents? That just is unreal to me. Unreal.
Today we talked a little with Juanita and Erika and then went on an obbservational walk around Boyle Heights for our project for class. It was really cool. I feel like I know the area a lot better. We passed no less than 18 yard sales today and at least 10 barber shops and auto places. I'm proud that I made the connection that there were so many service oriented shops (auto/barber) because that's the kind of social capital that immigrants come in with. And immigrants also come in as entrepreneurs, which explains the abundance of markets and discount clothing shops. Those take very little skill, but bring in a sufficient income for an immigrant. Go me. :) This afternoon, I've just been chillin, watching ANTM and old episodes of One Tree Hill. I read some for homework. I've got a lot more reading to do before Monday. I'm not excited about that, but I am excited about the fact that we get to sleep in on Monday. We don't have to be to class until 1:30! Hoo-rah!

Pray for me? on Friday I found out that I was accepted as a returning Alpha leader for next semester, but I also learned that there were several people who were turned down that would have been amazing. I don't feel as excited about it as I used to, but I know i will be amazing again. I don't know if I should accept the position or not, knowing that I'm taking the place of other students who have not yet experienced it. And I have to put my schoolwork first, which means I cannot go to the retreat where we find out who our AC group is. I received two recommendation to be a D Group leader next year and I think I really would like to do that. Stacie told me I could do both. But I'm not sure. It's kinda like I know I want to be a D Group leader, but do I want to do Returner as well? Do I want to do Beginnings all over again? Do I want another group of freshman? Wouldn't I rather have a group of people who WANT to be there (a lot of people would rather Alpha weren't a requirement)? Don't I want to help lead a group of girl deeper into the word? Don't I need Timothys? I realized I can have both, but can I dedicate the time necessary to both? Is there someone who needs Alpha more than I do, as much as it has blessed my life? Pray for me. Give me advice. I don't know what to do, but I need to do it soon because next weekend is the retreat. God, lead me. We did Lectio Divina for our devotional on Friday during class and part of teh passage she read to us was about removing the protetive layers around our hearts. I felt like God was telling that I need to be okay with feeling. I know that when I've gone away for the weekend, I find myself not wanting to return, because I know I'm going back to a world of heavy issues that I don't want to think about. Pray that I open myself up to be empathetic, that what breaks God's heart will break mine.
That is all. I guess I must return to my homework. Or watch One Tree Hill. :)

Tracy