In the time that has passed since I last wrote, everything has changed. Every time someone would ask how long I was here or if they asked about my interview, I always qualified it. "If I get the job, I'm here. If I don't, I'll go home." Easy enough. In an effort to prepare myself in case things here didn't work out, I began researching things to do once I returned home. Just in case.
Jump to the other thing I wrote about. I was so excited about my students' interest in Jesus and faith and God. I learned that one of these students actually was baptized a long time ago, but at some point he stopped coming. But it's cool that he's back and has brought his girlfriend to church and has jumped on board fully. And I think she's open to it and getting closer to seeing who Christ really is. (Side note: I hung out with the two of them during Songkran, and it was fabulous! They were great hosts, though not very great protectors. hehe I only say that because I was just attacked with water and clay at almost every moment. But it was okay, because we all just laughed about it together. We joked about my bring a target cuz I'm white. haha [Sorry I couldn't get pictures. There was no way I was going to destro my new camera for one good shot.]) The other student who I've really been rooting for has a different story. He asked us to pray about his possible entrance into the military service. You see, at age 25, adult males who did not do the rotc type program in their high schools must report to the _____ (I don't know where). At this point, they must draw one of two cards. If the card is red, they must do military service for 2 years. My student asked us to pray that he would not get it. I spoke to him last week. He pulled the red card and was pretty bummed about it. I was bummed when I heard. Now what will he think of Jesus and prayer and faith? Will he continue to be surrounded by people who love Christ? It was really disappointing. But like I said in my last blog, I MUST entrust him to God's care. I believe that God has his eye on him and that someday he will choose to follow. And though I will not be in his life, I must continue to pray for him.
The excitement of seeing God move has faded a little. It is still a beautiful thing, but I also must trust that these things are happening even when I don't see them. As my roommate said regarding another person I wondered about, "I don't know his heart, so I don't know." That made me realize that I can be a pretty judgmental person. I look at people's actions and draw conclusions from them. Though the Bible says faith is made evident by fruit, it still doesn't give me the right to judge.
Wow that was an unexpected little tangent. But it's good to be real, right? Always.
Anyways, back to my original story.. The sudden absence of just about everyone here changed everything. Two of my great friends went to America and several others traveled home for the Thai new year. Though it was less than a week away from everyone, things changed drastically. I got an email about my second interview, but I wondered if I really wanted it anymore. I had being imagining what it'd be like to go home. There were things I began to get excited about at home. I desperately began praying that God would help me know where he wanted me. If I was to be here, I now needed a job and a change of heart. If I was to go home, I would need him to close the door on the job. But with a second interview, I knew I could nail it. I needed him to say no. This was my prayer for a few days, and nothing was changing. Then I got the email telling me exactly what I was to prepare for my demo lesson the next day. I was supposed to teach them essay structure. They wanted me to bring in a couple examples of good essays and a couple examples of bad essays for them to rewrite. And they wanted me to make it fun. I had absolutely no desire to put in the effort it would take to do a great lesson. None at all. It didn't sound appealing to me. But it was at my friend's school and he was giving me pointers and really wanted me to be able to work at his school. His wife told me I had to do well because she wanted me here. And in my head I began stressing out. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even want to do the interview. I realized I didn't want it anymore. My desire to go home had grown stronger than my desire to stay. It only took a week for everything to turn around. But what should I do? Cancel my interview or let God close the door? The problem is.. I knew I didn't want the job anymore. So why spend all the extra time and stress trying to prepare something good that I didn't even remotely care about? Why waste everyone's time? But to make such a big decision in one night?
It was tough. But I made it. And unless God does something to change all my plans (which is completely possible!), I will be coming home on June 14. So.. There it is. That's my big news.
For the remainder of my time here, I will finished teaching this session at Santisuk, then travel to southern Thailand with the two other missionaries here. Then maybe try to throw in a trip to Chiang Mai and the Philippines, but really I have to sit down and see if I can plan it all out. I don't have enough time and I have 2 months left!!
Please be praying for my remaining time here. That God would use every moment to glorify him. That he would continue to prepare me for what is ahead. That his hand would be on the relationships I have here. That they would support my decision and release me from my people-pleasing desires. For the relationships at home that have changed and the difficulties I will face in coming home to that with my own changes that have come.
Pray that his will be done and that his name is glorified above all else.
Amen.
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