Feeling Good

These last few days have been good. Or at least yesterday and today. That's as far back as I can remember right now. I'm making a conscious effort to spend more time in the Word and in prayer. I need your prayers to continue, because satan knows I'm easily distracted. I found joy in the fact that I looked at my prayer journal today and hesitated, but then chose to get it out and write for the second day in a row. It's not a first, but it's been a while. It makes me happy that I chose to do what is right and what is good for me and my relationship with my Creator. For a while, I had lost my purpose. I had forgotten why I was here and what I was doing. I'll tell you, it was not fun. But as I've spent time with him, he reminded me that I came to see him move in this country. I came to be a part of bringing about his kingdom here. I still don't know exactly what it looks like, but perhaps it is just being available to him. But to be available to him means I need to be listening to him daily, constantly giving up my laziness to continue investing in relationships I've begun. It is so easy (and what I have been doing for the last two months) to come home from work and take a nap and then be lazy and watch episodes of CSI all day. CSI in and of itself is not bad, but when my days off turn into days in, where I just spend all day watching CSI and looking at things on Facebook, it becomes unhealthy. I guess I change my mind from what I wrote in my last post. I still want to learn to let go of my expectations, but when someone desires to change, it helps to have goals. I think I want to make it a goal for 2012 to learn to be less lazy, to get off the computer and read. To get better at guitar. Maybe I'll even endeavor to teach myself piano. I want to try painting. There are so many things I can do that would allow God to use me, but it starts with me getting off my computer. Even though I'm not currently working at Santisuk, I will try to spend a few hours there during the week, building the friendships I started and then neglected. For a long time, people have poured into me. It's my turn to intercede for them and for this country. My goal for 2012 is to never forget. Never forget what God has done and in turn, never forget my purpose. To worship him with my words and my life. To point everyone I meet to the incredibleness of who he is. In November, I was reading through Ezekiel, and then  have been jumping around in the New Testament. Currently I'm in 1 Peter. Truth is, I'm trying to put off going back to the Old Testamant. It can be kinda hard to understand sometimes. But after I finish this book, Daniel, here I am. And I know this one can be confusing, so if you have any cool thoughts about any passages there, it'd be great if you shared them to help me understand those apocalyptic parts better.

Anywho, I went to the Dr. today because my right eye turned really red yesterday after poking it in the morning with the mascara wand. I thought maybe I had a version of pink eye caused by trauma. And I guess maybe that's true, but the dr. said that the jab in the eye had nothing to do with it (I don't believe her). But she did say that I have scratches all around my eye from prolonged wearing of my contacts. :/ That's happened before. I need to take better care of my eyes. No more wearing contacts for 16 hours straight. Not okay.

Okay. Bed time. In my next update, I'll talk about how my transition is going in regards to moving apartments. :)

Thanks for the prayers. I feel them. And really, thank you.
Tracy

New Year, New Outlook

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. I tried once or twice to start a blog, but then would get interrupted or the internet would cut and then I just got lazy as time went on. Not to mention depressed. So here's the December recap. Ironically, the week after I posted that I only had to work one day was the longest week. It turns out my coworker had a minor stroke, so they called me in to cover for her. Conveniently enough, I got a realllly bad cold, so it made my week long and miserable. And then came the holiday/culture shock depression. I had my ideas of how my celebrations would be abroad, and these did not come to fruition. I had expectations that I didn't even know about until reality came crashing in. I think I cried more days than I didn't in the last couple of weeks. Some days I wondered to myself if I was even happy. Yet by God's grace, I made it through and I feel so much better. It's like coming to those realizations lifted an enormous burden off of me. Not to mention the holidays are over. I'm starting this new year fresh. And I want to have a positive outlook. No resolutions for me. I already have issues with unmet expectations; I don't want to put more pressure on myself. Sure, there are things that I would like to see happen, but mostly in 2012 (and the rest of life) I want to learn to let go. I'll try harder to keep updating here, so you aren't in the dark as to how life is going.

Pray requests:
*Better and more consistent quiet times.
*Saturday I'm moving in with my friend, so pray for the transition from just friends to roommates and then also having to live with someone again after a long while.. it may or may not be difficult.
*I'm singing tomorrow at church. Pray that God uses it for his glory.
*Pray that I find joy in my job. Of course I love the little ones, but I dread going to work each day.

That's all I can think of. Thanks for being patient with me!
Tracy

Non Immigrant B

Okay, so it has been an extremely long weekend, especially coming off last weekend. Monday was the king's birthday, so there was celebration all weekend. I went on Sunday to a big park where all the different religions had designated times to celebrate. Christians had from 5-10. Or something like that. I was really tired, because of the non-restful dreams I kept having that I mentioned in my previous post. But I knew I needed to go, because I came here to see God move. Why would I not go to where many of his people were gathered? It turned out to be pretty cool. It was entirely in Thai, but my friend would tell me what was going on. There was a lot of prayer, and I mean A LOT. I think they covered every topic imaginable. And there was some singing. I guess famous Thai worship songwriters came out to lead different songs. Some of those were ones I knew in English! I'll post video on Facebook eventually. The next day was a national holiday (the king's birthday/father's day [interesting, isn't it?]) and the plan was to hang out with my students form Santisuk for a bit and then relax with friends. What I didn't realize was that I would be spending 9 hours with people who don't really speak English. It was actually okay though. There was a lot of walking around and picture taking, and not much language is required for that. And they tried to keep me in the loop, which was nice of them. We wandered around the king's park and I must say, the lake thing is pretty nice. We stayed to watch the fireworks and then walked a long way to beat traffic. Then waited out traffic by eating dinner.. at 9 o'clock at night. I didn't end up getting home til 10, but that was okay because I didn't have work in the morning. :) Then the rest of this week, it's been the same. Except for Wednesday. Wednesday, the other kindergarten teacher and I went to immigration with the visa lady who works for our school. I now officially have a non-immigrant b visa, and that lasts til March. After that it depends on what I do with my school contract. But that's for then. I don't want to worry about it now! Last thing- I'm singing again at church tonight. Maybe I'll post video here later.. if it's any good.

I'm grateful for the people that God has surrounded me with here. But I want to go deeper with some of them. I have many surface friendships that don't have much else. I guess I never mentioned here that in January, I will be moving in with one of my friends here, Heide. She's from the Philippines. Her roommate is moving out, so she asked if I wanted to move in. It's a nicer place and splitting it two ways will be cheaper than what I'm paying now, so I said definitely. I'm excited for the opportunity to get to know her a lot better. It'll be cool. In other news, I have Monday off again; it's Constitution Day. And I found out today that next Friday, the kindergarteners will be going to OceanWorld (an aquarium type thing)! And I get to go! Yeeeee!! I'm very excited. Also because that means I only have to plan for one day of teaching next week. :)

That's it folks. If you want to know more, you can always ask!
Trace

Philippians 4:6-7

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I needed this today. I keep dreaming about them. And yesterday I felt completely useless here. And I missed home. But God is a God of peace. I hadn't been spending enough time in prayer and in the Word, so I dedicated some time to that this morning. Be praying for me.

Thanksgiving Part 2

I'm thankful for peace.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to be in this place.
I'm thankful that God gave me a second chance.
I'm thankful that God gave me a third chance.
And a fourth chance.. and on and on..
I'm thankful for my family, who loves me even from far away.
I'm thankful for my friends in the US who have continued to support me even from far away.
I'm thankful for my friends here who have become my family.
I'm thankful for my new job because it provides me with an income.
I'm thankful for my new job because it is going to stretch me in ways I never imagined.
I'm thankful for the countless opportunities to show Christ to people through my actions and speech.
I'm so so thankful for all the hurt and pain that I've experienced because it has caused me to re-examine what is important in my life.
I'm thankful for all the hurt and pain that I've experienced because it has pushed me toward the Comforter and Healer of these pains.
I am thankful that God has delivered me from unhealthy relationships, that he has opened doors, that he has slammed doors shut.
I'm thankful that He knows so much better than I do.
I'm thankful for reminders that I am a frail human being and that I don't know everything (even though that some times sucks).
I am incredibly blessed in whatever circumstance because I have an intimate relationship with my Jesus who loves me. It is the most beautiful thing in the universe.. and there are a lot of beautiful things in the universe. My Jesus tops them all.

Thanksgiving.

I had so many things to say, so many things to list out that I was thankful for. And then I saw a post on Facebook. He's engaged. The one who promised me forever and then broke my heart. And I can't think of anything else right now. I've forgotten everything except this. I'll update soon. When I can gather my thoughts again.

Prospects

So the flood waters are receding! And my area has remained dry the entire time! Thank you, God! Not only that, but it is possible that I will have a job soon. Yesterday, my friend told me about a possible part-time kindergarten position at his sister school. I would be paid 16,000 baht a month for 10 hours a week, Monday/Wednesday/Friday. I would finish by 1 pm every day, so technically I could continue to work at Santisuk in the evenings. The school may even be able to help me with getting a work permit and visa. That would be an incredible blessing. They would want me to stick it through to the end of the term, which is in March. Not too shabby. I think it'd be a good way to ease myself into everything. The only issue is that the job is only available if the person they offered it to turns it down. It's up in the air. Today I sent my resume to the person in charge of it and she said she would contact me soon to discuss it further. I don't know if that means the other girl turned it down, but be in prayer with me! I've been asking God to make it very clear where he wants me, and this could be a VERY specific answer to prayer!

Oh yea, and did I mention I would be starting next week? Yikes. Pray pray pray!