drawing

So I have a week left. LA Term is drawing to a close. I haven't written in over a week, but I feel I don't have much to say. I've pretty much turned off. Although I did escape this weekend to APU to hang out for a day.5. (That reads a day point five. I just made it up. hehe) But JP's talk at Company 122 on Sunday night was pretty humbling. He was using Isaiah 6, talking about how our righteousness to God is comparable to standing in front of him with "khaki pants" (in England, khaki is said like cokcy and it means poopy). And if that's as great as our greatness looks, imagine what our sin looks like. He said in the original translation it was closer to (I'm sorry for being graphic) menstruation blood. And as disgusting as we think used tampons are, that's how disgusting our attempts at righteousness are. Pretty sobering, right? That's just kind of stayed on my mind. I don't want to walk around any longer comparing myself to others and ignoring my mistakes. They are just as ugly.
In other news, our class went to see The Soloist on Friday. It was really good. Skid Row was a little amped up, Hollywood style, but it portrayed the hell that really exists there, even with the exaggeration. At first I was so confused by the last line of the movie, which was, "There are 90,000 homeless people in the greater Los Angeles area." It said nothing after that, and I didn't know what to do with that information. But I realized afterwards that it was almost as if the lack of words after that was asking, "What are you going to do about it?" It didn't tell you to go do anything. That's for us to decide. Interesting, huh? But I would definitely reccommend seeing it. Good movie. :)
So, I have 3 class sessions, 1 day at my internship, a day retreat, and a host family banquet. Not to mention a 10 page paper. And then I'm done. I cannot say how excited I am for this to be over. It's not that I haven't had a great experience or that I haven't had fun while I've been here, I just miss my church family at Grace a lot. A lot, a lot. So I'm ready to be plugged in again.
Okie doke. I'm off!
Trace

SADNESS

I pierced my nose on Monday and I was super stoked. Yesterday I took it out to wash my face and clean the hole and then couldn't get it back in. I spent TWO HOURS trying. There goes $15. But I'm gonna go back to see if she'll do it again for less, since it's only two days later. I'm SO sad!
But in other news, this class is interesting, but confusing, and it doesn't really capture my attention. It's just there. I'm just waiting out the last two weeks.
On Friday, I led worship in class again and P. Diddy and I shared a seat on the Metro on the way home and we talked about my "career." I told him I couldn't write and he encouraged me by saying that a lot of the greats just listen to old music and slow down/speed up/alter the melody. And then I found the quote that is now on my facebook. And it talks about how you can take things from here and there and put them together. Why not?

Since Then

On Saturday, I met a lot of Jim's family. (Jim is the one marrying my sister.) I like them; I think they are a lot of fun. Sunday, my grandparents came to church with me. They aren't believers as far as I know. And they didn't say anything about the service or the message. I should have asked. Monday, I went to hang out with my friends from high school, Alvin, Guy and Sid, at UCLA. That was really good; I hadn't seen them in a long time. And we tried to get my nose pierced, but the places we went to both charged over $50. No, thank you. There are plenty of cheaper places. And I'm determined to make it happen before the end of semester. I have three weeks. It was good to catch up with them, though, to see how God is working/moving in their lives. Yesterday, I went to USC to have lunch with Nick Houchin, another high school friend. Ever since I found out that my used-to-be-best friend is getting married very soon, I realized I need to make more of an effort to keep in contact with the people who mattered. After lunch and a tour, I went to the Mormon Institute right near campus to check it out. I met Brother Stanley who gave me Mormonism 101 in an hour. It was interesting. I'm going to go back on Sunday for the service and to see if I can meet different people. (For those of you who don't know, I'm doing a project, not converting.)Today for class we went to a Buddhist meditation center and last week we went to a Hindu temple. I'm excited to be less ignorant of other people's cultures/religions, though they can be extremely confusing. I still can't wait for the end, though. We're pretty much halfway done with this class already, which means we're getting really close to the end of the semester. I'm ready.
In other news, Lydia and I talked a little bit. We're good for now. I'm still ready to go, though. Okie doke. I'm off to watch One Tree Hill!
:)
Tracy

Good Friday

It's been a long time since the sacrifice of Jesus has brought me to tears and I fought them off during the service at church tonight. It was very refreshing to recognize again that his death bought my life. I tried to write, but now that I'm rereading what I wrote, it doesn't hold as much power to me. I hate that words cannot capture the depth of our worship. But here it is:

You knew when you came
You knew what you had to do
And still you live and died
To love me

You deserve nothing but my highest praise
My utmost adoration
Nothing but the best of my life
I will live to love you
Because you deserve my all.

Go today and reflect on how precious is the love of God.

Tracy

ponderism

-If all religions have a word for God, how do we know it's not the same God?

-Could it possibly be the same God, but Jesus is the separating factor?

new class

Urban Religious Movements.

It's going to be a difficult one for me, especially because the professor expects us to be speaking up all the time. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this, but the most vocal girl in the class leans very heavily on the universality point of view, with a few others supporting that standpoint. I'm very much not in agreement, but am afraid to speak up in fear of backlash from my classmates. I did tell this to the professor and he was glad I did. Many I won't get marked down too much for withholding my opinion. I know I should say it anyway, because chances are, I'm not the only one, but I'm still too timid to create waves in theological discussion. I'm afraid to be challenged and not know what to say or how to back my stance. Even though, I know why I believe the way I do. We'll see how it goes. Already, I wanted to get up and leave a site visit, because she brought up the topic of universalism again. I thought I was going to explode. Or burst into tears. Also for this class, we have another project that is worth half of our grades. In pairs. I have a feeling that I'll end up working alone. I really want to either do Hinduism, because I know nothing about it or Mormonism, because I know several practicing Mormons, but more specifically, because I will be going to Argentina, where the majority of missionaries are from the Mormon Church. Pretty sure that no one else will be up for it. Christopherson thinks it's be a really good project though. I'll just have to suck it up and get some courage about being on my own. (Oh, P.S. I got an A on our project for Immigrant LA! A 51/55 on the individual paper and a 53/55 on Lydia's and my presentation! That gave me a 93% for the class overall! A full on A, not even an A-! I'm so excited!)
But anyways, today was another day that I felt the need to write thoughts down to comment on in this here blog. So here they are:

Am I going to be able to separate myself from my beliefs in order to really listen to others about theirs? Christopherson talked about that only being one of the ways, so maybe I won't need to forget what I know.

Lydia talked about how her church is very "Did you say the prayer?" in terms of salvation. I think she favors the more universalist standpoint. And I was just thinking as she said that that not even everyone who says "the prayer" is going to heaven. I'm just reminded of that verse in Matthew that says "Not everyone who sys 'Lord, Lord' will be saved..." That leads me to believe that if not all "Christians" are going to be saved then why the heck would God have people who don't even acknowledge Jesus be saved?

Brittan talked about how her mom reinterpreted John 14:6 for her. Instead of "no one comes to the Father except through me" meaning that people must believe in Jesus to inherit eternal life, she explained that it is through Jesus' blodd that all are made clean and able to enter the Kingdom. I have a hard time believing this. Especially because of the above note. But see what I mean about not wanting to speak up if everyone is leaning to a certain side?

Then Christopherson posed an interesting question: What would heaven be like if we knew countless others were suffering in hell? I have no comment on it. I just thought it was an interesting question.

We visited Immanuel Presbyterian today. I have some qualms about that church, but the pastor that we met with today revealed something interesting to me. Since I've been at LA Term, several people have quoted to me "The poor you will always have among you" (John 12:8). And these people have told me that we shouldn't have to work so hard because they will always be there. Why should we work so hard for something that will never change? But the pastor told us that Jesus was quoting Scripture from Deuteronomy. And that the rest of the verse he quoted old them that ths was reason to care for them. And before typing that on here, I wanted to see if it was true. It is. Deuteronomy 15:11, "There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land." Amen. That relieves a lot of question I had concerning that.

Those are the few thins I had written down. So I'll do what I haven't done in a while. I have a few prayer requests. First, my car is here for the week. Pray that it is protected and no one breaks into it (I was told that it happens around here-- moreso with cars around the same years as mine). Next, pray for this class and for courage to speak truth in class. Pray that I'll get on it and figure out what I'm doing this summer. I'd really like to do the internship on APU campus, but I have to finish the application and turn it in and hopefully get called for an interview. Pray that God lead me where he desires that I be.
Thanks, Loves,
Teej

so much.

So it's been well over a week since I've written. After break, I've got to get back into the habit of updating regularly. Well Tuesday after I last wrote was uneventful. Internship days usually are. But Wednesday we left for our wilderness retreat as a class. It was so good for bonding us all together as friends instead of just classmates. After we played at the beach for a while, we went and set up our campsite and then had 2.5 hours of solitude. For mine, I simply wandered around the campground, sitting at different campsites for periods of time. The most memorable part was when I sat down at a random campsite to write down something I had just thought of. I looked up from writing only to find in the fire pit a fire that had not been there previously. It was no burning bush, but I'm not going to lie, I felt a little bit like Moses. And so I took my shoes off (Holy ground, right?). But I sat staring at the flames, and suddenly realized that God can do anything (i.e. pulling fire out of thin air). And recently I've been really wondering about my dreams, and I asked God if He could even make that happen. And he told me to trust him. And for me, that's difficult, because everything in society has conditioned me to believe that it's virtually impossible to somehow make it there. When Emily picked me up on Friday, we discussed this. Why is it that we have our dream jobs but also jobs that we know are realistic? We talk about how if we just settle for our second choice it's like saying, "Here's what I want to do, but I don't trust God to get me there, so here's what I'm going to do through my own power." I feel horrible that I ever doubted God's power. But I've had so much confirmation since then. Sunday I was able to lead worship at Grace again. For the first time since last Spring. And I felt so at home leading worship. And even though I messed up a lot, no one seemed to notice. And I heard later that at home in Bakersfield, the high school group played my song in worship. I wrote it while I was in high school, and had completely forgotten it since. But the only person who had led it up until this point was Dino, my high school pastor, who also helped write it. But the part that hit me the most was that a girl named Megan, who I used to be pretty close to, approached my mom afterwards and told her that she was in charge of picking songs and chose mine because it was one of her favorites. When I heard this, I teared up. Because it seemed to me that my dream is not as far out of reach as I had assumed. God showed me that if I trust him, He will use me. Since Friday, I've just been hanging out at APU basically. I went home Monday afternoon and Tuesday for an eye appointment. I got new glasses. :) I like them, but apparenty my left eye sucks major.
Today and yesterday were interesting. I have randomly been reliving my past life. Today I feel like I'm missing pieces of a complete me. Usually, I'm pretty okay with being single. But today, I long for someone to love me and to love someone else. I miss that. Also, when I listen to music, part of me actually NEEDS to be in it. I long with my whole being to sing. So I'm missing two big important parts. Love and music.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll be better.
TJ