So I last wrote on Sunday? It feels like forever since I updated. But maybe that's because so much has happened since then. Well, Monday for class we went to the courthouse and sat in on a criminal court case. the judge was Lance A. Ito! (If you don't know who that is, it's okay, because they had to tell me, too. But it's the same judge who oversaw OJ Simpson's first trial) The trial was for a guy who possibly killed his pregnant girlfriend. It was really a strange experience, nothing like you'd see on any of those TV shows. I felt like the prosecuting attorney was disorganized and didn't take the case very seriously. One of the alternate jurors appeared to be sleeping for part of it. It was very sad though when the defendant's father was on the stand. He couldn't look at his son. But he knew he had to testify against him. The public defender was actually really good, even though he confessed to us later that it was a difficult case. The jurors were dismissed for early lunch and after they left, Judge Ito talked to us a little bit about the system and the development of the public defense system. When he gave us the background of the case we were hearing, he spoke with confidence, saying that the defendant killed her. I always figured judges were supposed to be impartial. Good thing it's the jury's decision. That day I thought back to when I was a little girl and how I had wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. I decided that I'd make law school a possibility for when I decided to return from my years abroad. I later shared this thought with my friend Miguel, and he said that he didn't think he'd be able to do it. And I thought about it and immediately jumped to the verse that talks about God being the only judge. I decided to hold off on putting it on the possibilities list until after I visited the jail, which was scheduled for Wednesday. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I didn't talk to Miguel until Tuesday. The rest of Monday was a little disheartening. I found out that I wasn't chosen to be an AC. Even though I kinda knew it was coming, I couldn't say I wasn't disappointed. And I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to about it. And that led me to realize that I was lonely. I felt so completely isolated. Even though I have a roommate, we don't talk. We travel together and do homework together, but I don't know how to let myself trust her completely. And I felt like everyone in the program lived so far away, so visiting had to be planned in advance. And I was really disappointed that even though my friends at APU live 30 minutes away, they had not once come to see me for even an afternoon. I'd even be down for homework parties! I've realized that after last semester, I live off of interacting with people. I know I hang out with people, but I don't feel any lasting connections. I know I need to give it more time, but it's difficult. But it was amazing, I knew somebody must have been praying for me, because that night, I signed on to Facebook and ended up talking with four people. I felt immensely better afterwards.
Tuesday was the first day at my internship. I had expected a little bit of instruction or orientation, but was kinda just thrown into the job. So I called several places, trying to find out whether or not policies existed on the sale of expired food products. All I found was that the Los Angeles County Department of Environmental Health would "recommend to the stores that they replace the expired foods with fresher ones." No consequence for repeat offenders. I also designed a registration card to attach to emails sent out about the upcoming symposium and recorded my experiences on the phone with the Health and Food organizations. Looking back, I feel as though I didn't do much. Mia told me she'd have more for me Thursday. After I got off at 4:30, I decided to cross the street to go to the Galleria. I needed to buy more dress pants and shoes, because that's the required dress for work. I left Sears (I still am amazed that I shopped at Sears!) at around 5 and didn't arrive home until after 6:45! Public transit takes a while sometimes. But I did get to talk to my dear sweet Emily while I was on the bus. :) I'm so excited that they are coming next week! And even more excited that they are going to experience class with me!
Today we went to the County Jail. In our readings, one of the authors had called prisons and jails the embodiment of the spirit of death and despair. I felt that as soon as we passed through the first set of bars. I was uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable. In the first room, one of the inmates started singing to get attention from some of us girls and began humping the bars in front of him. I was very offended. Cat calls are one thing. But this? Too much. And because this occurred in the first room, I felt objectified every time I saw one of the inmates looking at me. I know this was not the case for every single one of them and that by thinking this, I'm only encouraging the system of separation. I saw this demonstrated very clearly when we made our way into the homosexual ward. There were four rooms devoted to homosexual men because if homo and hetero were intermixed, heterosexuals would beat up on those who were gay. But the two deputies giving us the tour took us to the room in which they monitor behavior, talking in ways which made us feel as though we were in a zoo, peering through windows at animals. Awful. One thing I found interesting were the red signs stating that it is a felony to engage in any sexual activity in jail. I knew this, but what bothered me was the box underneath the sign where the inmates were to place their used condoms. They stopped enforcing it because they knew it would happen anyways. And they give the inmates protection! I guess AIDS spreads through those rooms pretty quickly. We were then taken to the roof recreational area. A basketball court and a bunch of cages for the most dangerous. The inmates get 3 hours a week of recreation time, and if they take it, they get all 3 hours at once. High security inmates get a small cage for the entire time with only some weights. Cages. That what the deputies called them. They also said that most of the violence in the jail happens up on the roof, so many decline to use their 3 hours. Lastly, we got to see the visiting area. Inmates get one hour a week. And that hour is broken up into four 15 minute sessions. It's so short that many choose not to wait in line for hours, and thus do not get any visiting time. It's really sad. I did not want to be a lawyer anymore. But then we learned that most of the men there were not sentenced. They were awaiting trial. But sometimes this took years. So innocent people (probably few) rotted in jail with criminals while waiting for their names to be cleared. This is not okay. So I decided that instead of spending so much money on the jails, there need to be more courthouses, judges and lawyers to ensure speedy trial. Law school is back on the table. But it's just an option. I have years to decide what I'd like to do with my life. Years to decide how I'm going to use it to further the Kingdom cause. After class, Lydia and I had our first hangout time with Louis, the man at the Civic Center Metro stop who gives us candy. He's a really cool guy. It turns out that he wants to learn English because if he does, he can be promoted at work from busboy to waiter. He kept telling us that we have beautiful souls and was astonished when he learned that Lydia and I both speak Spanish. However, this teaching thing is going to be difficult because Lydia and I have different ideas of how to go about teaching him. Because he isn't in school, I think the best way is simply through practice. In other words, we form a friendship with him and just talk about life. Conversation. Who cares about perfect grammar right now! I wish I had had more conversational Spanish to help me learn. (And you can't really teach proper grammar if you don't know both languages very well. The student will end up confused.) And I got to talk to Kelsey today. It was beautiful. I really know people are praying, because suddenly I had all this contact with people who care about me and for whom I care deeply. So thank you.
It would be lovely if you continued to pray for that for me (the loneliness). And tomorrow I go back for my internship. Pray that I will learn and understand and that I won't be too overwhelmed with simply being thrown in. And pray for the worship and devotion that I'm leading Friday. I'd really like it to be coated in prayer before I go in so that it really is a time all about God and not the Tracy show. I want it to be a time in which each of the other students can connect with each other and God.
Yes Yes.
God is good. Even in darkness, if we look for it, we will find Light.
TJ
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