After all, to Stand.

I had coffee this morning with a wonderful woman who gave ear to my struggles and triumphs in these last few months. At one point in the conversation she told me it took her a while to realize that in Ephesians 6:13 and in James 4:7, we are not told to go out on the offensive.

Eph 6:13: Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

He never asks us to go after satan or his minions. He doesn't tell us to attack. Only to stand.

I got a picture of an army holding rank as the enemy comes near. They have their armor. They are ready. Yet they do not run towards the battle. They fight when it is time, but they do not break rank. Whatever it is they are protecting is fully secure behind them.

That was a powerful image. Standing firm, standing guard.

Psalm 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

#firstworldproblems

The Ultimate Mission Trip Style Guide: Dressing the Heart.

“The Ultimate Mission Trip Style Guide.” – tips and tricks from Praying Pelican Missions lady missionaries on how to look good, feel good and take the pressure off of packing your suitcase for a new culture, climate and lifestyle. Our heart is to remove the anxiety and focus from timeless questions like: “What do I wear?” and give you a few tips that we’ve learned throughout the years. Ultimately, we pray that these posts would be a resource for you as you prepare for your trip. We want to provide you with a few tools that can help you remain focused on what God is teaching you and doing around you during your time abroad, instead of the length of your shorts, the style of your still-wet hair or how much make-up is appropriate. But of course, throughout it all, we must have fun in the process!

The heart of what we do is ministry to the heart. So while it's fun to talk about mission trip fashion and looking good while serving, that's probably the least of our worries on a trip. Our concern is that you, our lovely missions participant, are seeing people and places and our glorious God the way we do. So here are my tips and tricks for how to dress your heart for missions.

1. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:11-12)

Even before you leave your home, while you're packing, clothe yourself in the armor of God. We can get caught up so easily in the way we present our outward appearance. If you're like me, satan will use that at times to take your attention off of what really matters. This is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can wear while on the mission field.. even more important that deodorant or sunscreen! I wrote a post a while ago on what I was learning about spiritual armor, so if you're interested check it out!

2. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23)

Let's face it. We live in a world where media dictates "worthiness." You have to be tall, pretty, skinny, wear the right clothes, say the right things, keep from saying/wearing the wrong ones.. man! That is tiring. Like I said before, it's easy to get caught up in that mindset, too. So along with wearing your spiritual armor, specifically guard your heart. In James' letter, he writes:

Religion that God our Father accepts are pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (1:27)

Yes! That's what we aim to do on these trips! To seek and love those in distress! Now if we could only get a grasp on keeping ourselves from being polluted by the world.. That part seems a little harder to me, especially because sometimes we don't even recognize the way lies make their homes our hearts. That's where more prayer comes in.

3. Search me, O God, and know my heart!    Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me,    and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalm 139:23-24)

I do not want to fall for any of the lies that satan tries to manipulate me with, and I do not want to place others under that weight either. I assume you're with me on that! As we prepare for service today and every day, on this soil or that in a foreign land, let us lift each other up in prayer.


Father, I thank you for all the women who are on this journey with me, those I've met and those I haven't. I pray now that you show us the lies that we've been believing about ourselves and our beauty. Release us from the fear that accompanies a bad hair day. Let us walk boldly in your name to love the lost, no matter what we look like. Remind us to enjoy beauty because you created it, but to guard our hearts, Lord, that we may not become obsessed by it. We place on every piece of the armor of God so that we may stand firm today and everyday. In your wonderful and holy name, Amen.

Forgotten God

This summer I learned so much about the Holy Spirit and the spiritual realm. But I don't think it was so much factual knowledge as it was finally gaining experiential knowledge.

I knew I was going to experience a lot of spiritual warfare going into the summer, and I definitely did. I began to recognize a few of the ways satan was trying to distract me and refused to fall for it anymore. Then I began to fall for his lies in other ways. But I was so blessed to be surrounded by people who would speak truth over me and pray for me.

What I was not ready for was the joy and freedom I would come to really know during my summer. The very first week of the summer was rifled with difficult moments, but it was also the first time that I was able to really experience freedom in worship. At the beginning of our week at Hosanna, worship was.. okay. I did the best I could considering that I didn't really know the songs and/or couldn't figure out the lyrics (may I remind you that they were in Spanish). There was a lot of just standing and watching the people around us engage, especially at the Sunday night service where people went nuts. Now, I have already mentioned several times my adopted family in Quepos. Marlon (the worship leader) taught our group the choruses to the songs they would be singing at the church service midweek. We practiced. We learned the meanings. And when the time came for adoracion, we decided to go all in. I have to describe this for it to make sense. At the front of the church is the big open space that fills up with people who are dancing and jumping and singing along during the time of music. Sunday night, we watched. I longed to join in, but something was holding me back. Wednesday night, we ran up and got just as sweaty as everyone else. It may have been the sweatiest time of my life. And you know what? I didn't care. Not one single bit. I was joyously jumping and singing and proclaiming the truths I knew in those songs. (Maybe I cared a little bit as we were sitting down and I realized how disgusting I was!) But the freedom that was in that place was amazing. And for the first time, 2 Cor 3:17 was real. "For the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." One of the songs we sang says, "Soy sano. Soy libre en Jesus. (I am healed. I am free in Jesus.)" And I began to claim that freedom wherever I went in worship. I refuse to let my environment dictate whether or not I will worship with my whole being, in spirit and in truth, whether it be joyous jumping or quiet contemplation.

This began to overflow into all the areas of my life. I feel like the things I was praying and singing were exactly in touch with the Spirit. My prayers became more sincere and more impassioned. I was moved to tears by God's power and strength. I wanted others to catch the vision. I began to seek to know the Spirit more and more. I read Forgotten God by Francis Chan, and I'll share two parts with you. The first is

The world is not moved by love or actions that are of human creation. And the church is not empowered to live differently from any other gathering of people without the Holy Spirit. But when believers live in the power of the Spirit, the evidence in their lives is supernatural. The church cannot help but be different, and the world cannot help but notice.

It is through the power of the Holy Spirit that we stand out from the world, not through our own efforts. How silly of us! Are we meeting together, ignoring His presence? Or do our churches look different? An easy test: Do people notice??

The other quote that really stood out to me is actually a quote from JI Packer:

The Christian’s life in all its aspects–intellectual and ethical, devotional and relational, upsurging in worship and outgoing in witness–is supernatural; only the Spirit can initiate and sustain it. So apart from him, not only will there be no lively believers and no lively congregations, there will be no believers and no congregations at all.

Both of those quotes talk about the supernatural. Having spent the last 10 years of my life (mostly) at a Presbyterian church, it's not something I am really familiar with. Do we pray for boldness in our outreach and our worship? Do we pray for miracles? Do we even believe that God does miracles today? These things come when we are in touch with the Spirit, because it is through HIS power that we change. Another word that sticks out to me from that is the word "lively." This summer I feel like I learned what it is to be alive in Christ and in the Spirit. not just existing, but ALIVE. For me that word has so much sparkle to it. I look around at some of the people in my life and wonder if they aren't missing out on the ABUNDANT life that Christ came to give us. Why on earth would we trudge through when we can dance and leap and really LIVE?!

I never want to go back. I want to keep learning more. I want to know what giftings are, and I want to use them to bring Him glory. Mostly I want my life to look different so that people notice and come to know the One who is worthy of all praise.

Spirit, thank you for the ways you have revealed yourself to me this year. I want to be sensitive to your movement and your power. Embolden me to live differently and to share with others the joy that comes from knowing you.

Orar

Orar - to pray

So since my last post was about prayer, I thought I'd continue in that vein. This summer I began to really pray. Even before I left, I had begun to meet people who really prayed. I wanted a prayer life that wasn't just half-hearted or meaningless (not that mine were). I simply didn't feel like I knew enough. I am thinking of 4 people specifically who, in the last year, have taught me a lot about prayer. I have a feeling this post will end up looking like an acceptance speech of sorts, but I want to say thank you where thanks are due.

Sarah Mac. Friend, fellow high school ministry leader. Before I was even hired for this position, God placed me in relationship with this girl. Since I met her, her profound prayer life has been something that has inspired me. She knows so much about so many kinds of prayer. I knew I needed to align myself with this friend because she was going to play a big role in my prayer development. I wanted my prayer life to look more like hers. I know she was praying for me when I was gone. And now that I'm back, we pray together so often, covering our ministry and each other in prayer. I love that we challenge and inspire each other to do so.

Anabelli. One of our Costa Rican Contacts. This woman is full of the Spirit. When she prays, she speaks Scripture. She prays verses over people. A woman who knows her Bible that well and just speaks it over people. We joke that she has a direct line to God, but she does. She listens as she prays. She genuinely lifts people up and listens to what God has for them. And then she speaks it in boldness. It is incredible to witness God speaking through her in prayers. She is a passionate woman, unafraid to weep at the beauty or the brokenness she is feeling as she prays. She holds nothing back in prayer.

Jenny. One of my ATLs this summer. This girl is BOLD. She was always praying for miracles. And anything that happened, her first go-to was prayer. For three weeks, I had this woman as an example and inspiration in prayer. She is unafraid to pray for big things, knowing that even if they don't happen now, they can in the future. I learned to make prayer a first reaction rather than an afterthought. During one of our weeks, Jenny came to me, excited about the opportunity to pray for a boy who was severely sick and confined to his bed. He could neither speak nor move nor eat on his own. I want to say that we spent an hour praying over this boy. There were no noticeable changes in him, but it united us with his parents and pastor in purpose and heart. Prayer changes everything.

Shelby. PPM intern/ATL. She knows when she needs to get away. I'm reminded of the many times Jesus escaped to go have time alone to pray. That's Shelby. In our fourth week of ministry, we decided to teach the team about prayer. Shelby spoke on the authority we have in Jesus' name. So much so that nature might even obey. There was one moment a day or so after her lesson that we were having a church meeting, and the rain began to thunder on the tin roof over our heads, drowning out the testimony that was being shared. I began praying that God would hold back the rain, and when I glanced at Shelby, I knew she was doing the same. What excited me was that immediately after that, I sensed a significant change in the volume of the pounding. I found out later in the summer that she is also unafraid to pray for healing. Even multiple times for the same thing. Why do I give up?

Kristy. ATL. She was only in Costa Rica for one week. She had no idea why she needed to be there. And she has no idea of the impact she's made on so many lives, mine included. Kristy is another bold one. She is unashamed to ascribe things to spiritual warfare. She had an old knee injury flare up. She knew it was satan trying to take her attention away, so she asked us to pray for healing. We prayed several times, and each time she chose to BELIEVE she would be healed. Multiple times. Even when nothing changed. And when I came to her broken, she lifted me up and prayed truth over me, and then sent satan packing with his lies.


There are probably a lot of other instances/people I could talk about, but this are who come to mind. I have grown SO much in my prayer life over the last year. What excites me is that I will never be finished learning about how and why we pray or what prayer accomplishes or the many kinds of prayer. It's an exciting journey that I'm glad I don't walk alone.

Know that I'm praying for YOU.

The Lord's Prayer.

A few years ago, my small group and I decided that each of us would rewrite the Lord's prayer in our own words. It was a pretty cool exercise and interesting to hear those prayers through the filters of our individual lives. I want to challenge you to dissect that prayer and see what it means for you. Too often we pray it routinely, but forget to MEAN it. And if we don't mean it, what good is our prayer?

So.. that being said, here's mine:

Abba Father, Daddy God
You are so so big and so so good!
You deserve all of my adoration all of my days.
I want to see you move
In my, through me, all around me and all throughout the world.
May you get the glory in everything I do;
It is your name I want to make known.
Father, fill me with your love today
so that others may feel your love through me.
Teach me and provide for me, even in ways that I may not recognize.
Search my heart and show me where I fall short.
Keep me humble to admit my mistakes and to forgive those who've hurt or wronged me.
Protect my heart, mind, and body from satan's tricks in whatever ways he may attack.
I want nothing to keep me from you!
You alone, and no one else, deserve all honor, glory, power and praise.
In your name,
Let it be!

Processing: Me. (Part 1)

I learned a lot this summer. A LOT. About myself, leadership, Costa Rica, prayer, the Holy Spirit.. just to name a few. A lot of people I know who keep blogs have different series that they write about. I may give this a go. And by "may," I mean I will. So here's to Processing!

I don't even know where to begin. But I guess that's why it's so important to process everything I've done and learned this summer. I don't want to forget it! But I also don't want to keep those things private. I want to share what God is doing in my life in hopes that it will encourage you to look at what He's doing in your life! So here we go.

Me. I learned a lot about me. I suppose that's really broad and that each of these processing blogs will be about me, but I'm the one writing, so deal with it. :)

I don't trust easily. That's been brought to my attention several times this year. And maybe it's one of the reasons that God keeps telling me to simply trust him-- He knows my tendency to trust only myself.

Before I left for the summer I learned a song by Hillsong called Oceans. And the bridge of that song was my prayer over and over again:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet have ever wandered
And my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior

 "Where my trust is without borders." That's a huge thing for me to pray. If you sincerely pray that bridge, you are asking for some seriously growth. And as we all know, that growth never comes easy.

So going into the summer I had never led a PPM trip, and I'd only been on a total of 3. I was under spiritual attack that first week, causing me to distrust even my coworker who was with me. I felt isolated, and didn't trust anyone save for myself to get things done. This song came to me again as I sat watching the waves in a moment of brokenness.

The following week was WAY better, and I was forced to trust our contact in Costa Rica because only she knew the details of everything. And on my birthday (of all days) I was forced to trust my ATL (assistant trip leader) because I was so stressed out that my brain wasn't comprehending Spanish. She was more than capable of handling the situation, and for that I was grateful.

The third week, 3 of the staff from my first experience rejoined me, and I was faced with the fact that I knew they also distrusted my leadership. I was so stressed out by this that I finally confided in my two ATLs  from week 2. Breakdown #3. I waded out in the ocean because somehow I felt that's what I needed to do. And the words from the song came to me again. I should probably mention that the chorus is equally as impactful for me:

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

After having prayed the bridge, it's so important to come back to this chorus because those waves WILL rise. We pray for growth, and then God gives us the opportunity to do so. But the beautiful thing is that we remember to call on His name and REST. Because we are his, and nothing will separate us from that love.

So back to the summer trust synopsis.. Week 4 ATLs: Jenny (Spanish speaker/lifesaver/trusted friend from weeks 2/3; Shelby and Luis (ATLs from week 1/3). This is the week we began to work together better (amen!). It was the week that Luis confronted me and told me that I needed to trust them more. It was the week in which I chose to be vulnerable and tell my staff some difficult parts of my life. Sure, it's easy for me to tell people facts about my life, but it's another thing to let people see how it affects me. But when I let down my walls, it was easier for me to see that they were there for me. And I trusted them more.

Week 7 brought 2 more ATLs in addition to Shelby and Luis. It was again difficult for me to trust new people, but it was a good thing I now trusted the first two! This was a week where I was spiritually attacked about judging others. Knowing that I needed to trust all of my staff, I went out with the new ATLs and shared how I was feeling. I knew I needed to be vulnerable. But I hate it. Breakdown #4. And the beautiful thing is that these two ATLs scooped me up and put me right back in the arms of my Savior. They prayed with me, spoke truth over me, encouraged me. It's how the body of Christ should be. But we must trust each other to get there.

Lastly, week 8. The final week. A crazy week where pretty much all of our plans fell through. The week where I had to trust that God's plan was better than mine. (See previous post.) And guess what? It was. And even in the confusion, I rested in His embrace. I knew it was going to be okay. For I am His, and He is mine.

Here it is (Spanish subtitles included!). Take a moment and rest and pray these words:

At War

Week 8, the final week of the summer. Lake Murray Baptist Church from Lexington, South Carolina. Ministry in Bagaces, more specifically the communities of Salitral, Monte Redondo, and Montano.

God came through in a big way this week. Due to unforeseen external circumstances, we were unable to setup the specifics of this trip prior to the group's arrival. We only had a basic itinerary. Door to Door evangelism, VBS at a school, serving lunch to people who live/work in a landfill. Of these we were only able to go door to door.

You see, at this point in the year in Costa Rica, there is a huge festival/pilgrimage to Cartago (Central Costa Rica) to see/pray to la Negrita, a special statue of the virgin of los Angeles. The most pious of those who walk the 22km from San Jose complete the last 100m or so on their knees. It's a huge Catholic holiday. We had no idea that the spiritual oppression would affect our ministry so much.

Though we had previously received approval for our group to spend time at the school, the director rescinded his offer of welcome simply for the fact that we were evangelicals. This was an easy fix; we instead hung out at a soccer field nearby, and the kids came to us! As for serving lunch, someone had told these people about us before we arrived and were offended by the idea that we thought they needed our help. We worked around this by inviting all the families (whose kids we played with everyday) to join us for a dinner and a viewing of the Jesus film in that same open area.

Even though we were able to go door to door in the areas, we definitely faced rejection. The week prior to this, the team had been invited into homes and allowed to share. This week we had outright refusal to listen, and doors shut in our faces. It was quite the change.

All of this oppression/persecution opened up discussion for us about spiritual warfare and led to meaningful times of prayer for the communities we served in.

All was not lost though. Ironically, on our last day of ministry, we went to another community where we once attended church. Our contact asked if we wanted to visit the school there. Even though I was full of doubt, I figured it couldn't hurt to try. Lo and behold, we pull up to the school, spend 10 minutes talking to the director, and then we were in! Granted we were only allowed 40 minutes.. but still! We had tried all week to get into one school and were refused, and then it was like God said, "Look what I can do!" Awesome.


Highlights from Bagaces (Aug 3-10): 

• Driving the beast of a van, Charlie
• Feeling the Holy Spirit working in me and speaking through me
• Finishing the summer with a gold brooch (Spanish saying)

Praise God:

• For the ways he proved himself mighty
• For becoming closer with my ATLs
• For the student who decided to start living for Christ in both word and deed
• For a flexible group leader who understands that things don't always go as we plan!
• A RENEWAL!!!! THEY SIGNED UP TO GO AGAIN NEXT YEAR!!

Pray for:

• Light to break through the darkness in that area
• The church to do ministry in a healthy way that draws people to Christ
• Our contact Anabelli, who needs funds to keep her ministry base open

Aaand the trip journal link: http://www.prayingpelicanmissions.org/journals?tripid=1996

Spirit-Filled

My second to last week. Up to this point, I'd been learning a lot and feeling like I'd grown so much more in faith and prayer and even coming to know the Holy Spirit more. This was, ironically (or maybe not so ironically), the other week I felt extremely spiritually attacked. Week 7 of the summer. ATLs: Shelby, Luis, Mark, Kristy. This was Kristy's only week as an ATL, and yet, she was absolutely meant to be with us. I picked her up at the end of my descansa and we got to spend a couple of days together before the team arrived. She is Spirit-filled. Immediately when I met her, we started talking about real things and how the summer was going and who I am, really. I shared with her what I was learning, and she told me point blank that this week I would be attacked, that the enemy was going to try and make me doubt all that I was learning about the Spirit. (Of course I didn't remember this until mid-week.. when I was under attack..)

But this time, unlike the first week, I knew I couldn't fight it alone. I sought out the support of my ATLs, and they prayed for me. They encouraged me. They spoke truths into my life that would combat the lies satan was feeding me. Ephesians 6 was becoming real. 

This week was also at two of my favorite churches with two of my favorite pastors, Pastor Jose and Pastor Adolfo. Pastor Jose is the one who hosted us and introduced us to Pastor Adolfo. He did so much to help set up the trip and members of his church cooked us many meals. He is absolutely a blessing and man who wants his church to be a blessing to others. (And at the end of the week, he told me I'm tica!) Pastor Adolfo is such a loving man. He has such great vision for his church, and when you catch that vision, you can't help but be excited for what God is going to do. He is 65 years old and jumped into the big pit and worked hard with some of the men from the team. He joked and played and encouraged. And he told me mid-week that he loved me! Such a precious, precious man! While serving with these churches, it is clear that the Spirit bonded us despite language differences. We worshiped in Spanish and English; we prayed together; we played together. 

Highlights from Liberia/San Rafael de Buena Vista (July 26- Aug 2): 

• Soccer against the youth from Pastor Jose's church
• Madness and gelato during a horse exhibition parade
• Connecting with the group and group leader
• Catching Pastor Adolfo's vision
• Pastor Adolfo saying he loved me/Pastor Jose calling me Tica.

Praise God:

• For the connections made between gringos and ticos
• For giving me the courage to be vulnerable with my ATLS
• That I began to lead well/with confidence
• For a great group leader
• A RENEWAL!!!! THEY SIGNED UP TO GO AGAIN NEXT YEAR!!

Pray for:

• The members of Centro Evangelistico Zuriel, that they would be a lighthouse in their community
• The feeding program that they will be starting in November for the poor and abandoned children of the area (and the group from Delaware that is taking up an offering to help support them!)
• My relationships there to continue, especially since we are returning!
• Kristy and her family and her marriage. She was a blessing to me, so I want her family to be a blessing to her!

I forgot. Here's the trip journal link: http://www.prayingpelicanmissions.org/journals?tripid=2005

Descansa

During my group-free rest time, I had definitely planned to blog more, but somehow I totally missed it. I think I just needed the break of obligations. So I'll let you know about it now! (Way, way late. I apologize.)

It was so good to visit my family in Manuel Antonio (you remember, from the first week of the summer?). I'll just tell you their names so that I can not explain it each time. Marlon was our chofer and worship leader at Iglesia Hosanna and his son Jhonner hung out with us all week. They are my brothers. I never lost contact with them all summer, and I went to visit them twice during my two week gap. 

The first weekend, I arrived and waited while they finished setting up the sound system at church. Then we went and watched the sunset at the beach and then I treated them to their first Thai meal ever! It was fun to just talk about life and ministry and food and simply hang out with no schedule. Sunday afternoon they invited me to come see their house and to meet Marlon's wife, Edith and puppy, Poocher! It was nice to welcomed in as truly part of the family. We didn't even do much; we played Uno all afternoon! Then at church that night, since both of them play in the worship band, I took a seat by myself. I'm feeling kind of weird sitting by myself, but in walks the guy who served me breakfast at the hotel that morning! We instantly recognized each other and he came to sit with me and we were friends, just like that! The next morning he was working again, so we sat and talked for like an hour about faith and relationships and healing and all that good stuff that you don't normally get to when you first meet people. It was nice. Then I went to the beach with Marlon and Jhonner and treated them to their first gelatto! I got to introduce them to wordly cuisine! :) After that I had to head north for meetings the next day. And I spent the week in Liberia with the other staff who were leading teams, all the while missing my family in MA. 

Luckily, I was assigned the perfectly horrible task of driving back to the airport (3 hours south) at 5am the next weekend. (I escorted our ATL who was going home and who had to turn in her rental car, which was under my name.) Since I had to drive 3 hours south, I figured that I'd drive a couple more hours and spend another weekend with my family! Then I got lost (see previous blog post!). In arranging my hotel stay this time, my friend who worked there told me not to get breakfast included so that it'd be cheaper. He would just treat me. So nice. That night contained pizza and UNO at Marlon's house. And rain. And loss of power. Good stuff! 

Sunday morning, I sat in the restaurant and had my quiet time and relaxed and watched/prayed for other guests as I ate. Then it started pouring rain again. And it never stopped. all. day. Rolvin (hotel worker) got my lunch, too, and then we watched Despicable Me 2 in Spanish  (mi villano favorito 2) on my computer. After our afternoon cafecito, I took Rolvin back to his house to change before church, and that was quite the experience. It's always interesting to see how people live and the choices/priorities that families have. Rolvin had previously told me that no one in his family was a believer, so I will a little afraid to answer the question when his brother asked me what I did. But when I told him, I got a reaction I wasn't expecting. He proceeded to tell me all the things wrong in his life, things he did, and situations he was in, and how God hadn't helped him at all. I spit out some words that I hoped would help and invited him to church with us that night. No go. Rolvin said that he always promised, but had never actually gone. Two of his other brothers chose to come with us. And for some reason, right before we left, I decided to open it up to anyone in the family, expecting to be shot down immediately. But strangely, Rolvin's mom volunteered his brother that had been completely open with me. He was trapped. So he decided to come. I was really excited for what the night would hold! We got to the church a little early and waited, and when it was about to start, I looked around for Rolvin's brother. He was no where in sight. Apparently, when he had excused himself to go to the bathroom, he really just ran away. I tried to go on with the music, but really felt like God was saying to go after him. In my head I saw it as a symbol of God never giving up on him and choosing to pursue him, even when he runs away. Rolvin volunteered to come with me, but I told him to stay with his other two brothers, then ran back out into the rain. I got in the car and prayed that God would help me find the lost brother. I had no idea where he would have gone. I just started in the direction of his house, and at my first turn, there he was. And he immediately knew it was me. I rolled down the window and simply said come. And he got in the car. And we drove back to the church. Before we went in, I told him I would be right there. And then I checked on him several times during the service.. Especially since God aimed the sermon right at him. It was intense. I think before this summer, I would have been worried about his reaction because it hit so close to home, but strangely enough, this time I was like, "Okay God, you speak to him!" No, he didn't come to Christ that night. But for me the celebration was that he came to church. For the first time ever. And the word of God never returns void. Amen.

Also, at the end of service, they always want to publicly welcome visitors. Rolvin pointed at me, and Pastor Gerardo declared from the front of the church that I was part of the "casa" now. Proud moment for me!


Be in prayer for him. And for all of Rolvin's family. And for Rolvin to be a light to them. 
Pray over Marlon and Jhonner. That God would bless their ministry and their sacrifice. (They moved to help the church out for a while.) That God would bless their family.
Lift up Iglesia Hosanna. Pastor Gerardo, Diego, Chris. Their ministry. The outreach. The discipleship. The worship. That God would move in mighty ways in Quepos, breaking the chains of addiction and drawing people to himself.

Amen.

Lost.. in Wonder

I really need to learn how to get from the airport to the 27 freeway in Costa Rica. I've failed twice now. This time I guessed which way to go. I was going the wrong way, but I saw a sign for the town I wanted on a pass above me, so I made a few loops and headed that direction. That road took me around and down... and then up.. and I saw a sign for a town that I'd heard of, so I figured I was safe. And let me tell you, Atenas is REALLY pretty. I would totally live there. Then I passed through a few other towns.. I didn't know the names.. I didn't know which road I was on, but I knew that at some point, it would take me where I wanted to go. Then the houses thinned.. and I started to climb a mountain. Then I realized I was in the clouds/fog. And I wanted to stop and take a picture, but there was no where to pull over! For the next 40 minutes, I was in awe of the wonder around me. God made ALL of that! At first I was little sad that I couldn't really share it with anyone, but then I realized I had the BEST person to share it with! I didn't care that I had no idea where I was. I knew I would get where I was going eventually. It was also nice to not be in a hurry or have any schedule at all. I kept trying to relate to faith, but I didn't want to get distracted while driving those tight mountain curves. The best I could come up with is that I'm headed in the right direction. I trust I'll get to where I'm supposed to be eventually, but I don't want to miss everything that's around me right now. God has crafted everything (and everyone!) perfectly. I want to see the beauty in it all. I don't want to take a moment for granted. I've been praying that I would learn to enjoy the Lord, and I'm getting there. Little glimpses like getting lost today help remind me to get lost in my Savior every now and then. It's totally worth it.

(PS. I'm writing this from my intended location. No worries!)

This doesn't even capture any of it...

I seriously wish you could have been there. 

"I want to take them deeper."

That's what I heard during my quiet time on the Sunday morning of this trip. 

I learned from the Group Leader that only about half of this group regularly attended the high school ministry meetings, so they didn't really know each other. And after waiting a full minute for a volunteer to pray for our first meal (and our second.. and our third..) I realized that they didn't really know their Creator either. That sounds kinda harsh, but I realized that prayer was this big thing for them when it's really only talking to God. It's hard to explain, okay? But really God said he wanted to take them deeper.

So each night, we had a devotional about prayer. We talked about the authority we have in Christ and the fact that we should be praying about everything, and with each other. That there is power in prayer. And the cool thing is that they got a chance to see prayer in action. Coincidentally (or God-cidentally), a team from the World Race was sharing the church with us. Together, our staff and their team prayed over many things and invited the students to join us. We prayed healing over the pastor of a church we visited, healing over a boy from the church who has the ebola virus and is confined to his bed with limited brain function. Then before the team left, the World Race group prayed over them. I'm truly praying that God continues to teach them how to really live their faith.

In other news, our schedule TOTALLY flipped on us the day we arrived. It was not what we had planned at all, but fortunately, God put in place a group leader who was totally chill about everything and really supportive/encouraging to us as staff.

Highlights from Paso Canoas (July 6- 13): 

• Meeting and getting to know the World Race team
• Teaching the group about prayer and learning/practicing it more myself.
• Rec day. It was just fun and relaxing.

Praise God:

• For the ways he worked in the lives of the students, even though we may never know
• For giving me cooler weather so that I could wear pants and keep the bugs away
• For healing my bites quickly
• For an easy-going group leader
• For a staff that worked together

Pray for:

• My trip set up time. That it will be productive, but also relaxing/rejuvenating
• The other PPM trips going on currently. That God will be revealing himself to the participants, staff, and the communities.

Trip Journal

Profundo

The word profundo in Spanish means deep. Interesting, right? Cuz it sounds like profound? I love language. It's so cool like that.

But anyways, week 3 was deep. And profound. Again, with a lot of bumps, but as always, God's grace and goodness wins out.

This week was just COATED in prayer. This team came in and they just got it. So we were able to spend a significant amount of time in prayer. In fact, on our first day in Nicoya, I felt like we needed to push back our orientation meeting and just spend some time covering the week and each other in prayer. It was awesome and Spirit-filled and cool.

I actually got to play translator a lot this week, which was cool. And intense. And strange for me. I mean, I got to be a part of really cool conversations about the Gospel and was a part of leading people to Christ. That was the cool part. The intense part was the fact that I had to make sure I was conveying correct information! That's such important stuff that I didn't want to be wrong! And the strange part was that even though I was involved in these conversations, I wasn't really part of these conversations. They weren't really my words or ideas; nor were they really my relationships. Hence the odd part. But it was cool nonetheless.

Highlights from Caimital (June 29- July 6): 

• Chile pepper eating/everyone's differing reactions
• Getting to translate
• GOD MOVED

Praise God:

• For the handful of people who came to know Christ as a result of intentional conversations
• For the relationships formed between the group and community members
• For giving me the ears to listen to the Spirit's leading
• For prayer and the power that it has
• For the possibility of a return trip from Bethel Baptist Church to Caimital, Costa Rica, to focus on women's ministry

Pray for:

• The relationships formed to continue
• The community of Caimital to really come to know Jesus and his saving power
• The Iglesia Rosa de Saron to be a light to those who are seeking in that community.

Trippity Journal Link

Worst Blogger Ever.

So I was a LOT busier than I anticipated these last few weeks. It was CRAZY. So I'm just now getting to each of the trips I led. And other thoughts. So you may have like 4 blogs coming at you this week. Or today. Ouch.

But ok. Here we go. My second week was SO healing and encouraging. I actually was placed with two ATLs who were not around the first week. So they had no idea of the stresses and overall blegh-ness that was experienced then. I had to fresh ATLs who were an absolute God send in the ways they encouraged and supported me that week. I was so blessed and was able to just let the previous week melt away. God is good.

Highlights from San Fernando (June 22-29): 

• The group was a bunch of hardcore workers who laid the floor of an entire church, as well as started a sidewalk on one side. ALSO, at the school site, they extended the cement for the soccer field, painted a classroom, and took down the roof of an eating area that was being changed.
• My BIRTHDAY. Well, kind of. I went ziplining, but then came back to a stressful situation.
• Even though there were lots of bumps on the road, my ATLs and I figured everything out and worked together to make everything work. 
• Getting to know the host pastor and his family, who are WONDERFUL.

Praise God:

• For the amount of work that was accomplished!
• For the roof that is going to be donated to the school because of the extension of cement that was laid.
• For the youth that showed up to help work, even though they weren't members of the church.
• Gaining confidence in my position as trip leader.

Pray for:

• The relationships formed in San Fernando to continue
• That Ministerio Casa del Nuevo Pacto continues to be a beacon of light in their community
• The bus drivers to come to know Christ's saving power

Also, Trip Journal.

Que No Se Apague el Fuego

I apologize for not having had time to write a blog about last week's trip! I'll post it now. The first two days of my very first trip as trip leader were DIFFICULT. I wanted to cry. Everything was so complicated, I was facing so much spiritual attack, and I felt so alone. But Sunday night, we prayed against all that and for God to bond us all together and move during the week. And move, He did.

Highlights from Quepos (June 15-22): 

• Seeing the group finish building 2 classrooms and then watching them being put to use
• Our driver (who was the church worship leader) teaching us the choruses to the songs they were going to sing on Wednesday night.. and then hearing the group members practicing them in Spanish.
• Getting a new family at the church, and more specifically, our driver and his son.

Praise God:

• For the many people who came to Christ last week as a result of the group leader's preaching
• For the relationships formed between the group and their homestay family and church members
• For the moment of stillness and peace shared with me on a hectic/stressful day
• That He is in control, even when I've completely lost it
• For the possibility of a long-term partnership between Harrodsburg Christian Church and Iglesia Hosanna in Quepos, Costa Rica.

Pray for:

• The relationships formed to continue
• That Iglesia Hosanna will continue to grow and bless their community
• My new family there: Marlon and Jhonner, that God would bless their giving

It was a crazy first week, but I had to start somewhere, right? Don't worry, this week was much more tranquila. :) More on that tomorrow!

Chau!

P.S. "Que no se apague el fuego" means "May the fire never die out." Can I get an Amen?!

P.P.S. This week's trip journal can be found here.

Standing Guard

I've been in Costa Rica now for 4 days and have been through quite a bit. Back it up a couple of weeks and I have been everywhere emotionally. For the last month or so, I've been under attack. It began with feeling like a failure in more than one arena (check out the last post), and this last week I've been tormented with lies like, "No one wants you here," and "You can't trust anyone by yourself." I've felt lonely and frustrated and angry. I recognize all this as spiritual attack, but that doesn't make it any easier to stand firm. I spent the last two nights in tears because of the stress.

All I know is this: God is stronger.

And every time I start to feel satan's lies creeping up, I put on my armor.

After my last post, I actually sat down and drew a picture of a soldier in all his gear, and wrote out Ephesians 6:10-18. I knew it would be very important for me to be wearing it this summer as I went into trip-leading. Yet somehow, I get distracted in the morning with my devotionals and Bible reading, and forget to prepare for my day with prayer. Sure, I pray casually throughout the day, but for the last few days, it has taken me until my eyes were brimming with tears to really sit down and have a focused time of prayer. 

But man. That armor. I know they're all important, but I have a few favorites:

The Belt of Truth: "Stand, therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth.." I heard once from a speaker that belts were invented to hold together two pants (because a pant only covered one leg). I thought that was an interesting connection and a great image of how the belt of truth works in our lives. God's truth literally holds us together. Lately I've been facing attack with what I know about how God created me and what He created me for and how He loves me. I'm still learning to look to Him for my worth, and these challenges are really pushing me to do so!

The Sword of the Spirit: "..and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Where do we find that awesome truth that holds us together? In the word of God. I think that's so cool. Not only does it keep us together, but it is our weapon! We fight satan's lies with the truths found in His word. For the last couple of days, I've been recalling 2 Corinthians 10:5, Philippians 4:8, and a bunch of other truths that I know are based on Scripture, but I don't know exactly where. It's for this reason that we put those words to memory.

The Shield of Faith: "In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one." Our faith protects us. We have to believe the truths found in Scripture or satan will pierce right through our flimsy defense. And what's cool about this part of the verse is that it doesn't say the shield just blocks us from being hit by those darts. This faith of ours will extinguish the ammo that burns us. Isaiah 43:2, "..when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." I just pictured a thousand flaming darts raining down and us walking freely through it in faith. God is there. Always.

Can I get an amen?

Anyway, my first week as trip leader starts tomorrow (today? my assistant trip leaders have arrived!). I'll try to post weekly about the trips and prayer requests and awesome stuff God is doing.

Praise God

• I arrived safely!
• My first two set up meetings went really well (and the second one was entirely in Spanish!)
• My ATLs are here and bringing such life already!

Pray for

• Traveling mercies for the team that is coming and the same for once they arrive!
• That God would be preparing their hearts and the hearts of their hosts in Quepos
• For all the behind the scenes work that I can't forget to do and for the ability to do it well
• For all the PPM trips that are happening in all our countries this summer.

Brokenness Aside

I am a failure.

Normally I'm fairly confident in my abilities, but over this weekend my mistakes have added up. And now I feel like I've majorly failed.

It's funny how when someone says this about herself, it's our initial reaction to tell her it's untrue. We want people to feel good and competent. We like to keep morale high. But is that what we need to hear?

Maybe. I guess it depends on what's actually been going on. In my case, maybe I'm not such a failure, and maybe I am too hard on myself. It's true that our mistakes don't define us. But I'll tell you what, it makes me think.

I am a failure. I'm not perfect. And thank God that I don't have to be. The blood of Christ washes me clean, and the freedom I find in the Spirit gives me confidence to try again. I'm drowning in a sea of grace, and it is the most beautiful thing. Redemption comes not because we deserve it, but because He is an amazing God who forgives us over and over again. And He still loves us. I'm reminded of a beautiful song by All Sons & Daughters (if you haven't worshiped through their music, do it.) called Brokenness Aside. The chorus goes like this:

I am a sinner
If it's not one thing, it's another
Caught up in words, tangled in lies
But You are a Savior and You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful, beautiful

We fail, and He frees.

Amen.

A New Beginning.. Again!

God is so good. Amen and amen.

Each year I feel like God gives me a phrase to kind of sum up everything. It's a phrase He repeats to me constantly. A promise, if you will. Last year (and the year before that) He simply told me, "I love you." And I held onto that promise fiercely through heartache and confusion, through my crazy experiences and growth in Thailand. He loves me. This year He's said to me (on more than one occasion already!), "Trust me."

At the start of the new year I was still jobless and mostly friendless, and still pretty much hated my life. I never received callbacks about my job applications. I felt useless and worthless. But God said Trust me. So I did. I finally found a really cool summer job that would pay me to lead mission trips, so I thought if nothing else were to pan out, this could at least be cool. The day of the phone interview came and I prayed that God would give peace and clarity, both to me and my interviewer. And the conversation turned out great! At the end of the phone call, Erika asked what I was currently doing for employment, and of course I sheepishly answered that I was a volunteer. Then she told me she'd send a couple of emails and get back to me about working in the spring. Really, God? Could it be?? Then came the waiting period. I heard from Dino (my reference) that his conversation with them went really well.. and that he practically said they were dumb if they didn't hire me. A couple of weeks later I receive a call from Jason (the VP), who wanted to know if I would be interested in coming on staff full time. Would I ever!! Then they shipped me off to Costa Rica for the trip of a lifetime/to see if Praying Pelican and I would be a good match. I'm happy to say we are!!

So starting April 15th, I will be a Missions Coordinator for Praying Pelican Missions. I'm so excited for what's in store. I'm excited to see God move in North American groups, in the communities they serve, in me. I'm sure there will be a lot of crazy changes coming up, but God is good and He is trustworthy. He is Yahweh-Yireh (The LORD will provide).

Trust Him.