Two

Two days til take off, and today it hit me. That moment when everything finally clicks, and I know I could be happy here. It came in the form of a funny feeling inside me, all squirmy and such when I think about leaving. Yesterday in saying all my goodbyes, I wasn't sad. I didn't form friendships deep enough (language barrier) to really be at a loss in leaving. (And I also figured I'd come back at some point to visit.)

When people asked if I was ready to leave, it was always yes. Yesterday I was also asked if I wanted to stay, and inside I was saying no but aloud I said yes. I was telling people I had a mix of feelings so that they didn't feel bad when I wanted to leave. But today, I really feel that mix of emotions. Actually today, I mostly want to stay.

This whole trip, I always felt the longing for home, and now that I'm two days away from leaving, a large part of me wants to stay.

Somehow in this time, I found a place here. Sure, friendships weren't very deep. But I'm at the point now, where I am starting to feel connection to these people. And now I'm leaving. Perhaps this is why our advisor suggests GLTs of 6-7 months. Because it takes 3.5 to begin to feel at home.

Whoever thought that it'd change just like that? Or maybe that squirmy feeling is uncertainty about being home. How will I feel? Will everything be different? Can I finish all my work in time and then start school again?

I have a feeling it's going to be a very difficult adjustment, and that, I did not anticipate.

Also, two days, and I still haven't been to the barrio again. Please God? I figure You're trying to teach me patience and reliance, but does it really have to be down to the wire?


Pray hard for these interviews to work out.