Non Immigrant B

Okay, so it has been an extremely long weekend, especially coming off last weekend. Monday was the king's birthday, so there was celebration all weekend. I went on Sunday to a big park where all the different religions had designated times to celebrate. Christians had from 5-10. Or something like that. I was really tired, because of the non-restful dreams I kept having that I mentioned in my previous post. But I knew I needed to go, because I came here to see God move. Why would I not go to where many of his people were gathered? It turned out to be pretty cool. It was entirely in Thai, but my friend would tell me what was going on. There was a lot of prayer, and I mean A LOT. I think they covered every topic imaginable. And there was some singing. I guess famous Thai worship songwriters came out to lead different songs. Some of those were ones I knew in English! I'll post video on Facebook eventually. The next day was a national holiday (the king's birthday/father's day [interesting, isn't it?]) and the plan was to hang out with my students form Santisuk for a bit and then relax with friends. What I didn't realize was that I would be spending 9 hours with people who don't really speak English. It was actually okay though. There was a lot of walking around and picture taking, and not much language is required for that. And they tried to keep me in the loop, which was nice of them. We wandered around the king's park and I must say, the lake thing is pretty nice. We stayed to watch the fireworks and then walked a long way to beat traffic. Then waited out traffic by eating dinner.. at 9 o'clock at night. I didn't end up getting home til 10, but that was okay because I didn't have work in the morning. :) Then the rest of this week, it's been the same. Except for Wednesday. Wednesday, the other kindergarten teacher and I went to immigration with the visa lady who works for our school. I now officially have a non-immigrant b visa, and that lasts til March. After that it depends on what I do with my school contract. But that's for then. I don't want to worry about it now! Last thing- I'm singing again at church tonight. Maybe I'll post video here later.. if it's any good.

I'm grateful for the people that God has surrounded me with here. But I want to go deeper with some of them. I have many surface friendships that don't have much else. I guess I never mentioned here that in January, I will be moving in with one of my friends here, Heide. She's from the Philippines. Her roommate is moving out, so she asked if I wanted to move in. It's a nicer place and splitting it two ways will be cheaper than what I'm paying now, so I said definitely. I'm excited for the opportunity to get to know her a lot better. It'll be cool. In other news, I have Monday off again; it's Constitution Day. And I found out today that next Friday, the kindergarteners will be going to OceanWorld (an aquarium type thing)! And I get to go! Yeeeee!! I'm very excited. Also because that means I only have to plan for one day of teaching next week. :)

That's it folks. If you want to know more, you can always ask!
Trace

Philippians 4:6-7

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I needed this today. I keep dreaming about them. And yesterday I felt completely useless here. And I missed home. But God is a God of peace. I hadn't been spending enough time in prayer and in the Word, so I dedicated some time to that this morning. Be praying for me.

Thanksgiving Part 2

I'm thankful for peace.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to be in this place.
I'm thankful that God gave me a second chance.
I'm thankful that God gave me a third chance.
And a fourth chance.. and on and on..
I'm thankful for my family, who loves me even from far away.
I'm thankful for my friends in the US who have continued to support me even from far away.
I'm thankful for my friends here who have become my family.
I'm thankful for my new job because it provides me with an income.
I'm thankful for my new job because it is going to stretch me in ways I never imagined.
I'm thankful for the countless opportunities to show Christ to people through my actions and speech.
I'm so so thankful for all the hurt and pain that I've experienced because it has caused me to re-examine what is important in my life.
I'm thankful for all the hurt and pain that I've experienced because it has pushed me toward the Comforter and Healer of these pains.
I am thankful that God has delivered me from unhealthy relationships, that he has opened doors, that he has slammed doors shut.
I'm thankful that He knows so much better than I do.
I'm thankful for reminders that I am a frail human being and that I don't know everything (even though that some times sucks).
I am incredibly blessed in whatever circumstance because I have an intimate relationship with my Jesus who loves me. It is the most beautiful thing in the universe.. and there are a lot of beautiful things in the universe. My Jesus tops them all.

Thanksgiving.

I had so many things to say, so many things to list out that I was thankful for. And then I saw a post on Facebook. He's engaged. The one who promised me forever and then broke my heart. And I can't think of anything else right now. I've forgotten everything except this. I'll update soon. When I can gather my thoughts again.

Prospects

So the flood waters are receding! And my area has remained dry the entire time! Thank you, God! Not only that, but it is possible that I will have a job soon. Yesterday, my friend told me about a possible part-time kindergarten position at his sister school. I would be paid 16,000 baht a month for 10 hours a week, Monday/Wednesday/Friday. I would finish by 1 pm every day, so technically I could continue to work at Santisuk in the evenings. The school may even be able to help me with getting a work permit and visa. That would be an incredible blessing. They would want me to stick it through to the end of the term, which is in March. Not too shabby. I think it'd be a good way to ease myself into everything. The only issue is that the job is only available if the person they offered it to turns it down. It's up in the air. Today I sent my resume to the person in charge of it and she said she would contact me soon to discuss it further. I don't know if that means the other girl turned it down, but be in prayer with me! I've been asking God to make it very clear where he wants me, and this could be a VERY specific answer to prayer!

Oh yea, and did I mention I would be starting next week? Yikes. Pray pray pray!

Hand Cramps

Sawatdee ka! I've begun Thai lessons with a friend. He is teaching 3 of us foreigners the alphabet so that we will be able to read and write. (I have another friend who is teaching me conversation.) We started our little class on Tuesday. He photocopied every page of a child's book. And everyday (for 3 days now), we get together and go over the characters and the sounds that they make. He assigns us a few characters to practice as homework. And by few, I mean the first day we had 8. I didn't finish after spending an hour and a half on them. The second day he assigned 16. Realizing that it took way more time than I thought, I began the homework earlier the third day. I spent over 5 hours tracing these letters and only got 3/4 of the way through. I have never in my life spent this much concentrated time on homework. My hand was hurting. I have calluses on my fingers from gripping my pen so tightly. Thursday, we were assigned the remaining 20 characters, but luckily we won't meet again until Monday night, so I can spread out the work load. I think I'm getting it quicker now (either that or we're passed the difficult characters), because yesterday I got through 6 characters in a little over an hour. Thursday, it took me 30 minutes to do one. But you know what? All the time and the hand cramps are worth it. My letters are so pretty and they come pretty effortlessly. I'm going to have great penmanship. It's just too bad that the rest of the Thais don't write so legibly.. Oh well. I'll let you know how Thai is going next time I update.

In other news, I've heard that maybe the water won't come to Bangkapi after all. There has been word that the situation is getting better and that it's starting to drain to the sea. But I've also heard that it's getting closer. So we just have to wait and see, but I feel like maybe it won't come after all.

A lot of this week was spent trying to figure out my plans for what's ahead. I currently have no paid position, and no where is hiring, so that means getting a year long visa right now is not an option. After much thought and prayer and seeking counsel from a bajillion folks, something felt right. If all goes according to plan (we still have to check with immigration to see if it's possible), I will be getting a 30-day extension on my visa in Bangkok. That will get me through til right after Christmas. At that point, I will take a bus to Laos, where I will apply for another 2 month tourist visa. I was told this is pretty cost efficient and it will only take a day or two. And then when I do locate a job and have to change visas, I will have to fly out of the country, so at that point I will be able to visit my uncle. I say I need to check with immigration because there was some debate about how much time I could extend my visa for. One person said only 7 days, which is ridiculous and would thus put a damper on my plans. However, if what I read online is correct, that 7-day extension applies to those who come in without a visa and remain for 30 days. I'm hoping it is true that a 60-day tourist visa can be extended for 30 days. Pray with me that this is the case!


That's it for now. I have to get ready for the day.. since it is after 3pm now.. :)
Tracy

Still on Hold.

Again, yesterday they said we'd have 3 days before the floods hit us. This is kinda like that boy who cried wolf thing. I'm sick of it. But I guess it really is coming this time. I live on Ladprao soi 111 and I guess the waters have reached Ladprao soi 60. I've agreed to go with the director and other missionary. The plan is to relocate to Sukhumvit Road, downtown area of Bangkok, the heart of the city that the government is trying hardest to protect. She says to have a bag packed and she'll call me and we'll go stay at a hotel there and be free to move around in that area for a while. If it floods there, we'll head to the airport and fly to Phuket. I'd really just like to go to Phuket though..

In other news, I have my first official Thai lesson tonight. We don't really know what we're doing, so we'll see how that goes. I'm just excited to spend time with my friend and to learn a little bit more of the language.

That's it. Pray for the country to know how to deal with all this, for the government and the people. Pray for the health of those now living in contaminated water and for those who've chosen to evacuate. Pray that we at the church and school have wisdom in knowing how to provide for ourselves and each other. Pray that God remains our strength.

Free Time

Hi! I don't have much to say since last time I wrote. We're still dry in my area, and it doesn't look like it'll ever be flooded. Santisuk has pushed back its start date to the 29th of November. That would give me over a month of free time. Boring. So I've decided to go ahead and get my resume together so that I can send it out and maybe get a job before then. I've just decided to go for it. Other than that, nothing has really been happening around here. I've been hanging out a lot, and that's been fun, but nothing super exciting. That's about it on my end. If anything comes up, I'll let you know!

Your Love Never Fails

Family Camp and Floods

Last weekend was Santisuk's family camp. The term family camp conjures up images of parents and children playing games and worshipping together. However, because there are very few families where every member is a believer, I learned that this family camp is really about being a church family. Our church was joined by the teams from the other Santisuk locations in Thailand and a team of missionaries from the Philippines. There was question as to whether or not we should even go because of all the flooding. Some didn't go for fear that Bangkok would flood while we were gone. Others believed that instead of going on a retreat, we should be going to help out those who have been affected. But the leaders really believed that God was saying go. So go we did! It was a lot of fun. I got to make better friends among the people at my own church, but also friends with people from other location and from the Philippines! The theme for the weekend was "One heart." You see, Santisuk's pastor and his family are currently in the US, taking a refresher year before jumping back into ministry here. The church is now led by a group of people who, obviously, have different ideas about how ministry should work. The intent of this weekend was to bring us all together and remind ourselves that we are all united in one purpose and share one heart. I think the most powerful time at camp was Saturday night. The speaker, from a Santisuk location about an hour away, called everyone to a time of foot-washing. If you know Thai culture at all, the foot is the lowest part of the body, both literally and metaphorically. In Thailand, it is an insult to show the bottom of your foot to someone. You must point your feet away from all statues of Buddha. So you get a little bit of my thoughts, right? It started with the leaders of the church getting down first to wash feet. People were hesitant to go up. After you got your feet washed, you were supposed to get down and then someone else would come to get their feet washed by you. I was moving to watch people humble themselves to both wash feet and to let their own feet be washed. Everyone participated. That was a big encouragement for me, but what surprised me is that after everyone had done it, the foot-washing continued. People began reaching out to others, asking if they could wash their feet. I think that brought a lot of healing to the community. There were tears and hugs and prayers and kind words spoken. Personally, my feet were washed 4 times and I also washed 4 people's feet, including the feet of my former co-leader. If you know anything about that relationship, it'll suffice to say it was strained. It was an incredible night of healing for many.

We returned home to more worry about flooding. Not surprisingly, God protected us and our area for the whole weekend. On Tuesday, I received word that within 60 hours, Latphrao (our street) would have water. We didn't know which part of the road (the road is reallllly long), but we were to be prepared. Then by the end of the day, the Thai government declared a national holiday from the 27-31. That meant we had to end our session a day early. My students got away with not taking their final! But I'm sure they would have done well. I just really wanted them to do it so that they could see how much they improved. Yesterday was my longest day by far. It was the last day, and as usual, I arrived a few minutes before 7 to start class. I had been sick the night before (Oh yea, I forgot to mention that.. I've been sick twice from eating food at the mall.. and they say not to eat from vendors!) so I really did not want to teach my 10am class, but I taught it. At 3, I went with my last class to get ice cream from the Swensens at the mall. They treated me, and then a couple of the girls took me down stairs to the big fair in the middle. We played a few games and I won two, so I got a free tote bag! Yay! I will now use it for my teaching stuff. :) Then we watched a mime show and then I went back to school because grades were due and I still had to correct the essays they turned in. I finally turned in my grade sheets and left for home a little after 5:30. That was like 10.5 hours of work. I was exhausted. I took a short nap, and then went to dinner with friends and hung out for a while. Now I'm here. :)

Other information that didn't go with the flow of the story above: Lisa (SES director) informed me that the school board would be meeting Friday to discuss salary for foreign hires. She told me that it would not compete with other places, but to pray about it. The contract would be from January to June. She told me later that she received information that flooding here would be low risk. It would be only about knee deep, more of an inconvenience than anything. She also said that if the risk were to become greater, like having to shut off electricity, we would be allowed to leave Bangkok for a while (normally as missionaries, we are supposed to stick around here). She told me that she and another long term missionary would go together if that were the case and I would be more than welcome to join them. But we'll see if it comes to that. For now, I'm stocked on water (my student brought me a whole case of water bottles, which was really sweet considering EVERYWHERE is sold out of water, even grocery stores and 7-11s) and now have a fridge full of food (for probably the first time since I've been here) that was mostly just given to me. Praise the Lord for being taken care of!

Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying this day off. I slept late and woke up leisurely and took a long shower and ate breakfast and read my Bible and wrote in my prayer journal and even found time to write a blog. ;) Later, I'll be going to hang out with friends and watch movies. Maybe we'll even order pizza. :)

Much love,
Tracy

So. Busy.

I never thought I would be so busy here! Each day, I teach 3 classes and then hang out with students for a bit then usually go home to change and then end up going out to eat with people and having good conversation and/or hang out time and then return home around 9, just in time to waste a few minutes on Facebook, shower and go to bed again. This is four out of seven days a week. The other days have not held much more rest! Last Friday, I went to the Grand Palace with one of my classes and then came back, changed and went to practice at church because I was singing and playing that night. (It went well, by the way. Check Facebook for the video to appear eventually.) Then Saturday, I went to lunch and Karaoke with another class. We ended up eating and singing for 4 hours! After that, I came home and packed a bag because I was going to have a sleepover with my cell group as a party for our friend Joy's going away party. So we stayed up late and hung out and then had cell group the next morning. And it was raining, so we stayed there all day and did facials and played music and hung out. And then I came back and went to dinner with friends. And then it was time to go to bed to start the new week! I have no time to be lonely at all! I also need to be careful about giving myself time to relax. I haven't been the greatest at spending time in prayer lately. I read at least a chapter in my Bible everyday, but then again, I'm reading through Ezekiel right now, and sometimes it's hard to glean applicable info. Lately I've been practicing with the band form church because I am singing again this week. It's really an honor to be asked, because they want worship to be Thai-led. It's a great blessing to get to share two songs in just a few weeks. Last night we had our English for Fun night. This month it was in the form of a speech contest, of which I was a judge and also got to share a bit of my testimony (why I came to Thailand). It was a great night, and my students did wonderfully. One of them won! I am so proud! Today I said no to something for the first time. I knew I needed to just be for a bit. I was able to read and receive and pray and spend some quality time with my Savior. It's been a good morning. I also got to talk to my family and my friend via skype. Soon I will be going to the mall to buy a couple gifts for my "buddy" that I will have at family camp. But we don't know if family camp is happening yet because of flood possibilities. Bang Kapi has remained dry so far, but places near us have been hit. I have been told that supposedly today it will happen. I'm past the point of trying to prepare though. It seems like it will never come. (But don't worry, I have cereal and food bars and dried noodles and water.) The place we are supposed to go for family camp may or may not be flooding this weekend, so it's really up in the air right now. But I'd really like to go because I want to get to know the people I have only seen once or twice. And I want to spend time with people I already love. I'm very excited, so I hope it doesn't get cancelled. Monday is a holiday, so I only have 3 days left of this session at Santisuk. Then I really have to pray about where God wants me in November. I've been told by the director at Santisuk that if a job comes along, it would be okay for me to take it. I don't know yet if that's what God has for me. Or if I should stay at Santisuk for one more session to gain experience and have more time to learn Thai. I really don't know. Please be in prayer about that, that God will make very clear which steps I am to take. Okay, time to be off again!

Run, run, run
Tracy

Finally. Friends and Floods

So I've been without internet in my room for the last few days. It seems like it's been out for forever. Well, since Saturday night. That's pretty much forever nowadays, right? It hasn't bothered me much except for the fact that I know my parents (and maybe other people?) want to know what's going on in my life! Let's start with a response to a comment I received on an earlier post.

What have been some of the differences in my thinking this time around?

(That was all written Tuesday. I have since been SO busy. )

Differences:

I came in recognizing that it wouldn't be the same. And the first time I walked into Santisuk (the school), I felt that difference. I saw all these pictures from when my team was here last time and missed them dearly. It felt so strange to not know what to do without them. Right away I consciously chose to be open to people. I walked up to the only other person in the lobby, a student that I had only known by name the first time I was here. I spent some time with her and loved her immediately. And the great thing is, I felt loved right back. It was such a reassuring meeting. And I got to meet with the director of the school for a long time. We had barely talked on my first trip. We actually stayed in her office talking for a couple of hours about life and ministry and how to take care of myself while here. Her advice? Balance. Make sure I have time for me. I don't have to say yes to everything (though I may still be having a hard time with that one.. hence the lack of blog posts). But already, I have spent much more time outside of my room and actually with people. I'm working more and (up until 2 days ago) I'm (was) sleeping more, too. I've realized that I laugh just as often, though maybe not to the point of tears, but I am  truly enjoying the locals' company. I didn't really give them the chance last time. People ask me if I feel lonely here by myself, but the truth is, I'm not ever really by myself, and when I am, it's a fantastic few moments of relaxation!

That's as much as I can think of. Feel free to posts questions about what you'd like to hear about! I'd be glad to answer them!!

But anyways, back to the events of my life... which now have multiplied since I waited so long to write a new post!

Friday: I traveled downtown to spend a few hours with the lovely Natalie Cook, who was on a retreat here during her four month mission trip to India. We ate Mexican food, cupcakes with severely melted frosting, and talked about hour experiences thus far. Keep her in prayers- India is an entirely different world and it seems that there are parts of Kolkata that are very spiritually oppressive. Then I came back and went to church! I really like the people here. They just make me so happy!

Saturday: Rong Klua. A bunch of people form the church took a day trip to the markets on the Thai side of the Cambodian border. It was a great time to get to know new people and better friendships with others. But it was definitely different being there.. Wherever I went, people stared. That was new. I know I get it a little bit in Bangkapi, but it's definitely not like that!! I'm grateful for the general level respect of the Thai men. Natalie said that in Kolkata, they are constantly being stared at, and it causes them to keep their head down most of the time. Here, I am able to walk with my head high. I just pretty much decide not to make eye contact with the starers.

Sunday: At our zone meeting (all the cell groups get together) someone decided to be very honest with me and tell me that the last time I was here, I left the impression that I didn't really like or appreciate the members in my cell group. As far from the truth as it is, my actions said otherwise, and that broke my heart to hear. So I decided to consciously try to spend time with them and hope they feel loved and appreciated. After zone meeting, we had Bible study. In the foreigner Bible study, we just about our current environmental situation.Thailand has been having issues with flooding. The dams at over capacity, so there have been warnings issued to the Bangkok area that they will release the pressure this coming weekend. We have been told to stock up on food and water just in case we're stuck inside for a long while. Our director also said that she was told our area, if flooded, would be one of the fifteen worst areas in the Bangkapi area because it is so low. We have purchased sand bags and lined the nursery with them, but we're hoping that it won't end up being necessary. It's terrible, but part of me hopes it will happen cuz it's be a cool story. And I wouldn't have to wake up early, as classes would be canceled. But anyways, pray for protection in whatever way, whether it means the floods don't come or that we are safe when they do.

Monday-Thursday: Classes. Long days. Hanging out with friends. Rain. Straight hair. I spent five and a half hours on Monday night getting my hair chemically straightened because I was tired of wearing it up (my straightener broke the first day I was here). Five and a half hours. It was slightly ridiculous. I have a LOT of hair. I am not allowed to wash it for four days. (That means tomorrow will be a glorious day!) Tuesday, I spent time with a girl from my cell group, Nan. I seriously love her. We ate dinner together and then came back to my room and just talked aout my experience here last time and how it's different this time already. We discussed reading the book Captivating together. We listened to worship songs in English and I showed her some of the things I've written and even the song I recorded about a boy in high school! I never show that to people! Needless to say, it was a fantastic time of just being open with her. I'm so excited about the friendship that will develop there! Last night, I hung out with friends. They wanted to form a band. Apparently I get to be in it and sing harmonies. Haha. Also.. Someone here has revealed that they have feelings for me. Already. Pray for wisdom in how to handle it.

This weekend: Tomorrow, I will go to the Grand Palace with my 10am class. We'll leave at 8am and return at 3pm so that I can get ready for church. I'm a little nervous about this trip because normally we would take the boat taxi, which is faster than sitting in traffic, but the boat taxi hasn't been running on account of the waters being so high in the canal. I'm afraid of possibly getting stranded far away from home should the floods come. But tomorrow night, I get to sing at church! It's Friendship Friday, which is the outreach night the church has once a month. I'll be singing Your Love Never Fails by JesusCulture with a friend here and How Great Is Our God in English AND in Thai. I will have to work on my pronunciation. Pray that many students will come and hear the Good News. Saturday, (if there is no flooding) I will go with my 7am class to lunch and then in the evening, I'll be staying the night with my cell group at one of their houses. It will be a going away party for the Philippine missionary in our group, Joy. Sunday will maybe be a day of relaxation after I get home? But perhaps not. We never know anymore.

I have yet to start looking for a job. Pray that God creates a clear path for what I am supposed to be doing and where. I need guidance! And motivation!

Well, this is sufficiently long enough. Until next time (and hopefully it won't be son long!).

Peace to you.

They know I'm here.

Last night I was finally welcomed to Thailand by the residents who have no names and only stay for a short while. That's right, I received my first bug bites of this journey. Even though I put on bug spray, they decided to somehow get inside my shirt and bite me a few times under my arm! And I have a rather large one on my foot, right where my sandal strap is. It's great. Hopefully, these will go fairly quickly and not turn into the monsters I had this summer. We'll see.

In other news, my first few days of teaching have gotten better and better, as in less tiring. I was completely exhausted after the first two days, but today I have much more energy. I'm not drinking enough water, but that is at the top of my list to change. I just drank a liter, so I'm getting there! I don't have much else to say yet, but I get to see my Natalie this weekend, and I seriously cannot wait!

Pray I don't get sick and that I take better care of myself (eating, drinking water, sleeping.. those kinds of things)!

Until after the weekend.

HERE!!

Ah! I’m here! After a really long flight with a good entertainment selection but crappy seats and little sleep, I finally arrived!! Four friends came to pick me up at the airport and brought me back to my new room! This time I’m on the 5^th floor, so it will take much less time and effort to climb the stairs than it did when I lived on the 8^th floor for a month! I’m pleased about that! I spent great quality time with Lisa, the director at Santisuk, who is also from the US. We chatted for a couple hours about life and ministry and jobs before it was time for the church service. I got to see almost everyone I met last time! Reactions ranged from squealing, clingy embraces to “You’re not real!” to my student seeing me from his motorcycle on the street and waving maniacally, hoping that I would see him, too. I felt so welcomed back! And I’ve even made friends with people who were just acquaintances before. Yesterday I took it easy and just bought some minutes for my Thai sim card and got my iphone unlocked to use here. Then I went to a nice dinner with two friends at a place right on the river! They then proceeded to buy me food to eat for breakfasts and tell me that if I ever needed anything, they would be right at my service. People here are so kind and are sure to tell you upfront that they want to do things with you. We need a little more of that in the States. I’ve had issues trying to get my internet working here, which is why it’s taken me so long to post! My friend Natalie from home is here is this week and I’m so excited to see her and introduce her to everyone here and share with her a little bit of my life here. Today, I woke up much earlier than I had hoped, but that’s okay I supposed. I hope I can get over the jet lag quickly. Cell group was at the house of a couple I had never met before, but whom I already love. I can feel a definitely difference already in the way I am open to people. I am so excited to develop these relationships more. SO excited! Tomorrow starts my first session at Santisuk. Normally volunteer teachers are not assigned more than 2 classes to teach, but they had 3 teachers drop out at the last minute, so I stepped up and am teaching 3 classes, which still isn’t too bad. They are all level one classes, so I don’t have to do interviews with students outside of class and it’s the same as I taught already, so I am familiar with the material. I teach from 7-9am, 10am-12pm and 1-3pm, so it’s not too bad because my day is completely free after that! A really cool and important and possibly God thing that I found out when I got here is that Santisuk is possibly going to hire foreign teachers so that there will never be a shortage of native English speakers. Immediately it sounded like such a blessing, because I had already wished that it were a possibility. It really is perfect for me because the curriculum is set (I wouldn’t have to make my own lesson plans, which is something I would not feel comfortable/confident with) and I would get to be doing ministry full time. I need to pray about whether this is what God wants for me or not, but it certainly seems perfect. Pray with me? Thanks. So far, I am so excited to be here and live again amongst these people. I already have plans to go to the Thai side of the Cambodian border to hang out with people and (not) shop at the huge market there. God is so good. I think that’s all for now! More to come soon!!

Ps. I totally wrote this before my internet was working, so I have an update: Apparently there might be flooding here in the next few days. Don’t know why or really any of the details. I’ll be reading those later tonight! Thanks for all the prayers, friends!!

No Turning Back

I'm packed and am now sitting in the backseat of my parents' car as we head out to the airport. No turning back now! (Though I don't think I would anyway.) It all feels strangely surreal, but I have a feeling it will hit me hard as I part with my parents at security. You know, the line "No turning back" is from a song I learned as a little girl. The words are "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back." Well, kind of. Here are repeated phrases and stuff, too. But no matter. This is me following Jesus, and I will never turn back. I have decided to follow Jesus, and there is nothing sweeter.

Kindergarten??

So I have word that a school my friend works at in Bangkok is looking for a kindergarten teacher. If you know me, you know I have VERY little experience with young children. I don't know that I would be good in that position.. but I also don't know that I wouldn't be good in that position. It would all be up to whether or not it is God's idea. If it's what he wants, he'll make it happen and work through me. But the question is: Is this what God wants?

I was told about this school and the opportunity it presents to be a light to others, both students and staff. I was told it pays relatively well, AND I would have the opportunity to work at the same school as a dear friend. But I never imagined it might be a kindergarten position. Maybe something else will open up? I don't know. And it's a good thing I don't have to yet. Pray with me that I might be able to discern the path that God is laying out for me as my date of departure draws nearer. Pray that he makes it CLEAR where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. And I trust he will.

Just a little over two weeks left!

Ready?

Okay. So I now have a plane ticket and a visa. Logistically.. I'm pretty ready to go.. Except the whole packing and raising extra money thing.. Spiritually, I suppose I'm ready. I mean, what do I do to prepare spiritually? Trust God with every step, right? Find my return to Thailand verse? I have: 


Romans 1:11-12. "For I long to visit you so that I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours."


That's a pretty short summary of why I am returning. I do recognize it will be difficult and lonely at times. I realize that I will get homesick and wonder if anyone at home still cares. But I know that if I continually trust, Jesus will always be my source of comfort and he will remind me that I am where I am needed at that time.


Yes, I am nervous and anxious and uncertain about what is to come, but I'm also excited to jump back into these relationships and to see God move in big ways. My prayer over and over in preparation for leaving is that God will direct my steps and show me what I need to do. My second prayer is that I hear him.

Return!

It's official! I have a plane ticket to Thailand for the 28th of September! That gives me a little over a month to raise some mulah. Now God give me the motivation to do it!

Trust

Today I was reading a news article that made me think of a friend's sad tale. Then in the middle of it, I stopped and thought, "What if everything he told me is a lie?" It certainly wouldn't be the first time.. In fact, I am known to buy any tale because I choose to believe the best in people. Why would they lie?

I realized I am more hurt than I ever thought I was. The injury inflicted on my heart, soul, and ego are more that I would have dared to imagine. Sure, there are days that I'm fine. There are days when I don't think about it. And life goes on. But then there are days when it hits me. Like the air has been knocked out of me and I struggle for something to hold onto so I don't crumple to the floor. Days like this one where everything begins to spins around me and I forget who I can trust.

It sucks. And it's scary. And it makes me want to cry. And it brings me back to the one question that I just need to be okay without an answer to: "If you loved me, why did you lie?"

Snag.

UGH. So I've hit a snag in Project: Return to Thailand. A lovely couple had offered me their home rent-free for 3 months, which is an AMAZING blessing. BUT I learned today that I would not be allowed to stay with them if I am volunteering at the ministry because it's "culturally inappropriate." But the funny thing is.. the woman is Thai. I don't think she would offer if it were culturally inappropriate.

My new options are:

1) Don't stay with my friends and have to raise $500 more in a month and a half.
2) Stay with my friends but don't volunteer with the ministry, but look for jobs anyways and hang out with my old students and continue to do ministry that way. But I dont really think I can ask people to support me if I'm not connected to a ministry..
3) Just was brought up.. I can stay with my friends and look for another ministry to volunteer with??

I need guidance because this news totally throws a wrench in my plans!! :(

PRAY PRAY PRAY!!

Too much.

First off, let me apologize for not having done a better job at blogging while in Thailand. Actually, I pretty much did a miserable job.. So let me fill you in on the highlights of the trip:

The ministry we did was incredible. It was so easy, yet so fulfilling. One of the guys on my team taught level 4, in which the students have 1-on-1 interviews with the teacher about everything they've learned about Jesus. During one of his interviews, one person chose to become a Christian!! That was so awesome! And during that same week, we worked hard to prepare for "Friendship Friday," the once a month evangelistic service that teachers are really supposed to encourage students to come to. As an even bigger draw, Loly and I were asked to join the worship team for the night, which means we had to learn to sing in Thai. We definitely weren't the best, but it was so fun learning and spending time with them, and we got to tell our students to come.. so that they could laugh at our attempt! :) After that, she, Grace (another short-termer) and I played and sang In Christ Alone for the offertory. It was fun! And THEN after that, our team (plus some other foreigners) had practiced hard to put on the well-known skit to Everything by Lifehouse (if you don't know it, look it up.. or find it on my facebook!). It was a very emotional skit.. and two of Loly's students made decisions to follow Christ!! It was seriously one of the most beautiful moments I've experienced. The weekend that followed was consumed by English camp, which was a lot of fun, but more than that.. it was interesting that it was there that many people realized how intelligent I am? I think that sounds strange over a blog, but because of that time, many people mentioned to me about my intellect. And the Monday that followed.. I went out to breakfast with my morning class and one of my students told me so. He said (more or less) that he could tell I am smart because of the way I look around and observe. He can tell by the way I spend time in observation, I think... But the only reason I say that is because he followed up that comment with a question... "Do you trust God?" I think maybe because he respects my intelligence, he figures I wouldn't put my trust in something stupid.. but maybe I read too much into it. Previously it seemed like he mocked Christianity.. so that question completely took me by surprise.. And after that, it seemed like we were very good friends.. and he even left work early on my last day so that he could come to my goodbye party. I think maybe he loved me most. And I think God's not done with him yet.. So be praying. :)

And now for how God worked in my life.. When I went, I was unsure of everything.. to the point of having no desire to go. What I really wanted was to stay home and get a jump start on finding a job and a place to live. But I knew I needed to go, so I went. You saw some of that in the posts. And you saw the redemptive conversation I had with the Filipina missionary about missions and my GLT experience. In the following weeks, I got to be support for 2 members of my team and another short termer. The four of us became super close and I knew that was why God had me there. Sure, there were days that I felt like I didn't belong there and felt unconnected to Thais, but these friends assured me that if nothing else, I was meant to be there for them. Speaking of the unconnected thing.. I felt REALLY unconnected to the Thais.. even though we hung out with a few.. I didn't feel supported or anything by the staff. I was jealous that my friends were so loved by them and that I felt they didn't care at all about me. It took me until the last week when one of my friends said he loved me for me to realize that I don't LET people love me. Our very last weekend there was one where I was trying to figure that out. I think it's a reaction to the hurt from the last relationship I was in. I was unconsciously keeping people at an arm's length, because it's too hard to let people in. And on my very last day, I told my small group at the church, and they wanted to pray over me. And as I let them love me this way, I found that I loved them so much more. For the whole trip, I had been indifferent as to whether I stayed or left (my whole team did NOT want to go hom.. and I didn't care), but suddenly.. I also didn't want to go. I needed to stay to start these relationships again in a REAL way. And then the rest of the night was spent with friends and it was such a joy. I really did not want to say goodbye. And now since I've been home.. I've really felt like I need to go back. So currently, that is what I am trying to do. My goal is to leave at the end of next month (that is so soon!!! agh!!) so that I can teach at Santisuk for the October and November sessions. During that time I'll be looking for a teaching job in Bangkok for the next year. I can't believe it sometimes.. After Argentina I said never again, not alone. But I wouldn't be alone. Not if I let people love and support me. 

The big hurdles to go going back are raising enough money to support me for 3 months before I get a job and then getting the visa situation worked out. PLEASE pray for these things. (And if you want to give me money, please do!)

Thanks so much for sticking with me through the whole story and loving me in spite of the fact that I'm terrible at keeping a blog. I promise that when I go back, I'll be much better! (I'll bring my own computer!)

I love you too much. So much. Very much right now. ;) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q1UBc32RwE

So far, so ..hot

Hi!! I'm here! And have been for a few days! I'll fill you in.

We started our journey by getting held up at the check-in counter at LAX because we didn't purchase visas, relying on my co-leader's experience. He said we could just pay a $20 a day fine for staying past the 30 day allowance. He said it would be cheaper that way. So I chose to trust him. What he didn't know, however, was that Delta airlines will NOT let you leave the country if you are planning to overstay the visa allowance. Thankfully, the airline changed our return date (for free!) to the 14th to get us out on time. The problem is that now we have a huge burden. One option is that we do leave on the 14th and miss our last day of teaching and the celebrations and then have to hold debrief in LA minus a leader. The other is to get our flights changed back to the 18th, which sounds great but will cost us $250 a person. With 4 people flying back, it would add an extra $1,000 to our trip.. money we did not plan to raise. What we really need is a ton of prayer coating this, asking God to show us what he wants for us and/or provide a way to get the tickets changed back for cheaper. But we're here, and have a little bit of time to figure that out. I would like to get it taken care of soon, but it's certainly not a pressing issue.

Anyways, we arrived here a little before midnight on the 16th and had our first day of orientation in the morning on the 17th. We made it through and even managed to focus for the most part. Then we made a trip to the bank and mall, were we exchanged our moneys and got to wander for a bit in the 4 story mall (complete with water park on the roof!). Saturday was the second part of teacher orientation, where we received our assignments and learned how to run the class time. I will be teaching two level one classes, one at 7am and the other at 1 pm. The 6:55am call time doesn't seem too bad right now, because I'm still waking up very early from trying to adjust to time. I hope it remains as easy as it seems right now! The rest of the day was spent going to the fresh market and seeing/smelling all the gross and fragrant products for sale. Did you know that at the fresh market, everything is REALLY fresh? As in.. the chickens are whole.. the fish are ALIVE.. one even flopped itself right into the walkway in front of us! That night we bought all sorts of foreign fruits and had a little fruitscapade in mine and Loly's room. We tried longong, salak, mangosteen, and the infamous durian (now our room smells every time we open the fridge). It really is as bad as everyone says it is. The first bite was the outer section and it wasn't great, but it wasn't so bad. We spent quite a bit of money on it though (8$), so I wasn't going to waste it. I took a second bite, and that was it. No more. It was the worst thing.... I rarely spit something out... but it was that bad. I'll stick with the others. My favorite is rose apple. We tried it and white guava the day before. Random fact: The word for white guava in Thai is farang, whiiich is also the word for foreigner. Go figure. But rose apple.. mmmm! I am going to have to find out if there is anywhere to purchase these beauties in LA because now I don't know if I could live without them. And it's only been 4 days! But during this fruitscapade, I realized how I love my team, and my co-leader was even making me laugh! I finally found appreciation for him as a friend instead of only a guy I had to work with. I saw Jesus that night in how he brought our team together and how I finally cared for them and about them and enjoyed them. It was a beautiful moment. And it eased some of my worry about the unity of our team.

Besides unity and general care for each other, my main concern going into this trip was how much time the team members would be spending apart from each other. We all teach separate classes at different times in the day and then go off with our students to explore the city or eat or whatever. It concerns me as a leader that no one has a cell phone or way to contact others to let them know their whereabouts. As the carrier of the moneys, it also makes keeping track of the budget very difficult. I have to pass out money everyday and then trust that my team gets the receipt and change back to me everyday. It would be so much easier if we had to go everywhere and do everything together. But alas, that would be too simple. Another issue is that most teams do a daily devotional together, but I'm almost certain I won't see everyone everyday, so we are working on trying to find a time to get together at least 3 times in a week. It's strange that we're a "team" but are very much doing individual work. We are even separated into different small groups at the church!

But I have faith it will all be okay. Yesterday was our first day apart. Our cell groups were each doing something different, and my cell group told me that we were to go to the beach in Hua Hin... 4 hours away in central Thailand! My first thought was "Cool! The beach!" My second thought was.. "4 hours away from my team with no way to contact them..??" But off I went. I had to be ready at 5:30am to take the taxi to the train, which would take us there in 3-4 hours. On the way, we stopped at a Buddhist temple called Phra Pathom Chedi, and I got to take a few photos, and since we had a few students with them, they stopped to pray. I prayed over them as they did. We finally made it and at first it was hot while we did our little outreach conversation/lesson/testimony, but it down-poured for a total of 4 minutes tops while we ate lunch under a covered area. But after that, the heat went away, and it was absolutely gorgeous! It was the most beautiful beach! We set down mats on the sand/dirt under trees that could have belonged in a forest.. like pine tree status. But then the sand/dirt was just sand.. and then there was ocean! It was incredible! And the water was so peaceful and warm and teeming with wildlife! We saw so many small crabs and hermit crabs (boo sze-chuan or at least that's how it sounded) and starfish and mollusks! And there were mountains in view, covered with green trees.. and it was the least crowded beach! SO amazing! After we wandered in the water, we went back to the mats and played Uno for a while. We laughed so much! And I got to learn the colors and numbers and "draw two/four" in Thai! :) As I sat there laughing and listening to them speak to each other, I found myself saying, "I could do this." I almost felt like I was on my GLT again, but this time in Thailand. I wished I had the materials for Self-Directed Language Learning with me. But I mean, I had an internship and was spending time alone with Thai people, learning the language and culture. That's the point of GLT. It's almost like I get to redeem the experience by doing it again elsewhere. But besides that.. I really felt like I could do this. It was so normal and so natural that I could very easily see myself hanging out with Thais and enjoying this for a long time. I can't really explain it, so I hope it came across.. I tried re-working that sentence several times, but it still doesn't seem to capture exactly what I wanted to communicate. But that's okay I think. But I thought that was interesting. On the way back, Joy (one of the Filipino missionaries here) and I were talking about long-term versus short-term missions. I told her I once wanted to do long-term, but after my experience in Argentina, I wasn't so sure. I realized I'm afraid of experiencing again that intensity of loneliness. She encouraged me so greatly, saying that impact comes with time. You learn more and grow more all the time and your effectiveness grows with it. I may be open again to that. It depends on what I hear God say to me. It was a redemptive conversation. We also talked about worship and how the church here always used to have foreigners leading and how instead the Thai people need to be equipped. I may have the opportunity to help them.. I don't know that I'm exactly qualified for voice or guitar lessons, but God, use me as you will! When we got back yesterday, some of us stayed out for dinner. They had me try duck beak. You basically eat the throat. I was scared but just bit the bullet and did it. It wasn't bad, but I probably won't ever do it again.. It just creeps me out a little!

Today we have a final teacher's meeting before we begin tomorrow. Pray that God guides our tongues!


******** EDIT************

I took a break in the middle of writing this to call the airport here about changing our flights back. They said it would be $300 per person. We were put on hold and so we prayed. God is SO good, you guys! They changed it back for FREE!! Oh my gosh! I can't even believe it! I mean, I can! But I don't know that I've ever had something so tangible delivered so quickly through prayer!! Praise the Lord!!

Thailand.

Okay. It's been a while. Over a year in fact. A wonderful hellish year full of the most ups and downs I've probably ever experienced. So now begins the blog for the next trip in life. Wednesday I leave for Thailand. And I can't even begin to describe how I feel about it. But I'll try for your sake (and probably my own).

I have no idea what to expect. It's probably best this way because I started the whole experience with expectations and have only been let down. So you're with me, I'll start at the beginning:

Last September (or October?) I applied to co-lead a team to Thailand because I felt God leading me to. I was so excited to meet my co-leader and interview and form a team and all become close as we set off for a new adventure in ministry. I pictured the team being close and that my co-leader and I would be completely balanced and work together perfectly. As you can probably tell from this set up, that is not at all how things have gone. I won't go into all the details, but I am going into this trip feeling totally unprepared, un-united as a team, not viewed at all as a leader, and I feel as if I have nothing to offer. I know that is the perfect place to be for God to step in and use me and the team for his glory. But I also recognize that these are the same feelings I had the first time I went to Argentina. Satan convinced me I was useless and completely debilitated me and kept me from serving to my fullest potential.

I won't lie. I am terrified. What worries me most is that I have no idea what we're getting into and that our team hardly knows or even cares for each other. That is not how mission teams are supposed to be. I struggle with my role in leadership and my purpose in even going. I find myself not even spending time in the Word and in prayer, actively preparing my heart and mind for this journey. This is probably the worst idea, but I don't know how to force myself to do. And I should never have to force myself. I should want to. UGH what is wrong with me?!

So I'll try to be updating this thing while I'm away, but if I can't, PLEASE PLEASE pray your little hearts out for me. I need it more than you know.