Cutting It Close.

So today I went to Maranata for a final time to say goodbye (and get all my paperwork signed and such!). I learned yesterday that Americans are terrible with goodbyes. We say the words once, then we hug and we're out. Here, people say goodbyes for a week or more! So I'm glad I got to go back. Upon seeing me, Beatriz jumped up and shouted "NOOOOOO!!!" like she couldn't believe I was standing there. And Carla came out and when she hugged me, she immediately started crying. It was one of those days. "Those days" in Maranata speak means that the person wants to give up and leave. And speaking of leaving.. Ivana, the youngest (17) and the one who named her baby after me, gave up. The girls told me that Thursday after I left and after all the festivities of Nadia's birthday, Ivana up and left. That made me sad. It felt kind of like a defeat, even in the midst of celebration with all the girls today. But when I gave them their new Bible and the Battlefield of the Mind books, they were so excited! I'm pretty sure after I left, they would come back from taking their medication and begin reading all of it together. They were so happy they would potentially be able to understand God's word! And that made me happy. So happy.


What also made me happy is that Daniela called. We have a date with the barrio toba tomorrow night at 6. Talk about cutting it close! But God is a God of his word, and when we trust him, he pulls through (and usually surpasses our expectations, so I'm hopping these interviews will give me EXACTLY what I need). And I think I can get it. If I can get Daniela to transcribe all the interviews, I can possibly get someone else to translate them. That way she isn't buried in work, and I can still get what I need.


We have a good God, no? Be praying for Ivana.

Two

Two days til take off, and today it hit me. That moment when everything finally clicks, and I know I could be happy here. It came in the form of a funny feeling inside me, all squirmy and such when I think about leaving. Yesterday in saying all my goodbyes, I wasn't sad. I didn't form friendships deep enough (language barrier) to really be at a loss in leaving. (And I also figured I'd come back at some point to visit.)

When people asked if I was ready to leave, it was always yes. Yesterday I was also asked if I wanted to stay, and inside I was saying no but aloud I said yes. I was telling people I had a mix of feelings so that they didn't feel bad when I wanted to leave. But today, I really feel that mix of emotions. Actually today, I mostly want to stay.

This whole trip, I always felt the longing for home, and now that I'm two days away from leaving, a large part of me wants to stay.

Somehow in this time, I found a place here. Sure, friendships weren't very deep. But I'm at the point now, where I am starting to feel connection to these people. And now I'm leaving. Perhaps this is why our advisor suggests GLTs of 6-7 months. Because it takes 3.5 to begin to feel at home.

Whoever thought that it'd change just like that? Or maybe that squirmy feeling is uncertainty about being home. How will I feel? Will everything be different? Can I finish all my work in time and then start school again?

I have a feeling it's going to be a very difficult adjustment, and that, I did not anticipate.

Also, two days, and I still haven't been to the barrio again. Please God? I figure You're trying to teach me patience and reliance, but does it really have to be down to the wire?


Pray hard for these interviews to work out.

Carta

When I said my goodbyes at Maranata, Carla, one of the newer entries, gave me a letter. I will translate for you:

TRACY-

God put you in my life and you brought me his word. I thank you with all my heart for doing this and thanks to you, today I know how to read the Bible and ever time I read the Bible, I going to think of you. Of your sweetness and of your beautiful way of being.

I love you so much and God is going to bless you all your life for the help you offer from the heart.

Perhaps I will not see you again, but for our goodbye, it is an "hasta siempre" (until forever) because God in his kingdom will return to us and bring us together and you can sing to me again like you did in this time.

May God grant that you form a family and are very happy,

I love you so much!

Carla.

And this is a girl who entered Maranata towards the beginning of August, so I've only known her a few weeks. 

Today I went to the only Christian bookstore in Rosario and bought the women a Bible to share, with study notes at the bottom to help them understand more. Also, I picked up a couple copies of Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer, except in Spanish. I only thought of that part this morning because Martin showed me his copy. I figured it might help them to read through it together. I certainly hope so. 

Now that I've gotten a goodbye gift for them, I need to think of one for my family, who has been more than gracious to have me in their home for so long. I've been trying to think of something, but it all just escapes me. I can't think of anything they need. All I can think of is to take them out to dinner. Any ideas?

Keep praying on those toba interviews, time is running out..

se.ven.days.

7 days. That's all that remains. Oh yea, and sorry about not updating soon after the last post. I admit it was pretty depressing.

All is well. I finished up at Maranata and said my goodbyes to the women. Most of us cried. One girl I kind of taught how to read the Bible, and she told me that every time she touches a Bible, she's going to remember me. Another said that I am a person of peace and sweetness and then when I am at Maranata, everything is so calm and my nature rubs off on people. They each took turns saying something to me. I wrote them all letters. And then I left. Except I have to go back Monday to get my paperwork signed because my supervisor left early yesterday for a trip and won't be back til Monday. But I didn't tell them that. I just figured I'd let it be.

I have yet to go to the barrio toba again. Time is running short. But I'm not anxious. I know somehow it'll all get done. Even the translation of the book I'm waiting on.

I found out two days ago that no one would be waiting for me in the airport to take me home. I would have to take the bus 2 hours from the airport to Bakersfield. After a 19 hour trip already. I cried a bit. So much for love, right? BUT yesterday my wonderful friend Alicia told me she'd pick me up and take me home. I am SO grateful for her. I told my mom this, she said that she was going to try to catch a ride with a friend and surprise me. It was a wonderful idea, but that wouldn't have worked out so well, because none of my friends were going to be there! Haha. Oh, my life. But I'm so very excited to go home soon. Today we were taking pictures at Maranata, and in each photo, I realized just how round my face has gotten, and I am not pleased. I know I'll lose a lot of weight going back home, just because I won't be eating as much bread and red meat, but still. Ugh. I'm not a fan of tight pants and round faces. :/

But have I said I'm excited to go home? Because I am. Very.

I'm also very sure I'll miss it here. I learned to live a different kind of life. One with more simplicity and without all the luxuries that I had believed to be necessities. Granted, I will probably get home and do everything that I wouldn't normally do, just to try and jump in to life back at home. For example, I really want a massage. I've only received one professional massage in my life, but I really want one when I get home. That's really the only thing, but still. It's there.

I realized today that I've changed a lot. Just how I've changed, I don't yet know, but I know I have. Do you ever feel that way? I'm sure I'll either figure it out as I keep living or people will help me by telling me, but either way, realization will come.


I appreciate every prayer, really. In this moment I feel an incredible peace. I know everything will get done and turn out okay because God is good. And that never changes.

Up & Down

Well, just a few days after such a high experience, I return to being so lonely I want to cry. These next two weeks cannot go fast enough. I've lost all motivation to do any homework.

I just. want to go. home.

I know why Jesus sent out the 72 in pairs. We are not meant to be alone. And being alone in a strange place is miserable. I don't really know people, nor can I carry on much of any real conversation. I haven't laughed in ages. I miss the happiness that bubbles out and over with laughter. I miss sharing moments with people. I miss my best friends. Especially the ones who've become too busy to spend a few moments with me.

I spend all my time on the internet, just waiting for anyone I know to come online so I can feel close to someone for just a few moments.

Please God. Just help me finish out my time as I need to.

Happy days are here again!

Yesterday and today were big days for me.

First of all, yesterday I was well enough to return to my internship and found two more new women upon my arrival! That brings us up to 7 now! When I came, there were 3 and one left! (Continue to pray for Eugenia.) The new women are Carla and Nadia, both of whom are there for consuming alcohol, cocaine, and pills. Carla's only 24. And she wasn't interested much in faith of any kind before entering Maranata. It is custom when there is a new person that they share the Gospel. Carla found hope in it and decided to give her life to Christ! So after my devotional, she asked if I would show her how to read the Bible, so we got to do that together for a little while, and Blanca (who believes God and the devil to be the same) was listening very intently. Later, I saw her reading Revelation on her own. Also, the best moment of my time here occurred Monday morning. When I arrived, I learned Victoria was there (if you remember, that's Ivana's baby). Two weeks ago, Ivana told me that Beatriz would be the godmother. That made me happy. Yesterday, Beatriz told me that the baby still didn't have documentation and did I want to know what they were calling her. I ventured a guess.. "Victoria?" "Noo," she said, "Tracy Victoria!" I looked at Ivana to see if this was a joke. I was kind of convinced it was. But it's not. I never felt like I did much there, definitely not enough to merit a child being named after me! But wow. I guess just being available and loving them without reason is enough. It makes me feel like my humble gift of service is just enough and exactly what was needed, even though I felt useless the whole time.

Today I spent almost 2.5 hours trying to get the extension on my visa. First, I spent an hour reading my toba materials (good use of time, right?!) while I waited for my number to be called. Then they called me up, instructed me to pay my 300 pesos at the bank, 7 blocks away, and on the way back to copy every single (and empty) page of my passport. I spent another 30 or more minutes standing in line at the bank. Then tried to find a place to photocopy the passport on the way back. Then waited for the girl who was helping me. Then handed her the stuffs. Then sat and read for another 15 minutes. Then was called up again. Finally done. What a process. But not too terrible. I will now here here legally until after I leave. :)

And then at 2, I ate chinese food with Dany (my research assistant). Nothing like Panda. But not terrible. Then we formulated our questions to ask Pastor Miguel Medina and his wife Marisa. Then we made our way to the barrio. Not gonna lie. It is pretty dirty and run down. It's how you picture a shantytown. But not the worst of shantytowns. They waited for us on the corner and took us to the church, where we had our interview. They were happy to help and glad that I wanted to know more of their culture. There was a lot of useful information shared in the 2 hours we were together. It's all recorded so Daniela can transcribe it, and I can catch the rest of what I missed. :)

All in all, a wonderful last couple of days. Keep praying. I still have more interviews to try and set up, and I don't know when it'll happen. I was hoping to be done by the end of this week, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Perhaps I'll start writing anyways and keep collecting information as I can, until I leave.

Anyways, I love you for sharing in all this with me, the ups and the downs. Thanks so much friends! But like I said, keep praying! I'm not done yet! :)

Gripe.

I haven't written anything super informative in a while. The truth is, I'm just ready to go home. I have 19 days left until i board the plane to go home. I'm starting to check out. And this week did not help that one bit. I was sick with (and am still getting over) the flu (gripe in Spanish) since Monday. I've been pretty miserable. I haven't had to deal with the flu in years, so there's that, and I'm in a foreign country, where I don't have my usual comforts. Not exactly my idea of a good time. Not only that, but I missed two days of my internship because of it. Now I have to figure out if I need to make them up somehow (I've been doing a horrible job of keeping track).

In other news, I'll be going to the barrio toba on Monday. If you'd like, you can keep praying for that research project and the interviews I'll be doing. I've finished reading one of my books, so that's nice, but I still have another. And I have a feeling that the third will never get translated because my assistant is kind of an airhead. So I'll most likely be needing to read that, too. I have a looot of work to do. And I need to be done with research by the end of next week so that I can start pulling everything together. The bad part is, at the moment I don't feel like doing anything. My body is still pretty weak and I have a huge headache.

Also, I need to make it to migrations asap. I need to get an extension on my visa so that I don't get in huge trouble for staying past the 90 days permitted to tourists (I'm here for 98 days). Hopefully, I can do that Tuesday morning. And hopefully there won't be a ginormous line of sorts. That would not make me happy.


Okay. My head hurts. Keep praying, folks. I appreciate you.

filosofía de maranata

Each house (the men's and the women's) reads this together every morning. The last shout is enough to send chills down your spine:

Estoy aquí porque no hay un lugar donde esconderme de mi mismo.
Hasta que no me confronte en los ojos y corazón de los demás estaré escapando.
Hasta que comparta mis secretos-- éstos no me darán descanso, temerosa de ser conocido-- no podré conocerme a mi mismo ni a los demás. Estaré sóla.
Donde sino en los puntos comunes podré encontrar un espejo aquí juntos por fin puedo verme claramente.
No como gigante de mis sueños, ni el enano de mis miedos.
Sino como una mujer, parte de un todo, con una contribución para ofrecer.
Sobre este terreno puedo echar raíces y crecer
no más sola como en la muerte, sino vivo
para Dios,
para mi mismo,
y para los demás.

FUERZA!



I am here because there isn't a place I can hide from myself.
Until I confront myself in the eyes and heart of the rest, I will be escaping.
Until I share my secrets-- these do not give me rest, I am afraid of being known-- I will not know myself or others. I will be alone.
But in the common points here together, I can find a mirror to finally see myself clearly.
Not like the giant of my dreams or the dwarf of my fears.
But as a woman, part of a whole, with a contribution to offer.
On this earth I can take root and grow.
No longer alone in death, but I live
for God,
for myself,
and for the rest.

STRENGTH!

Let's Go

I should probably write a post before I forget everything that happened this week.

Well, after last time I wrote, I went to Maranata for the therapy session. This time her husband's aunt died. So again, no show. I can't even remember what we did. Thursday I passed with people at a friend's house. We ate delicious lasagna for dinner and then celebrated our friend's birthday at midnight. Friday was his birthday BBQ and we ate the whole leg of a cow (the shank?). I could tell that's what it was. And it was delicious. A few of us stayed a really long time and just hung out. We watched Clic later and one of the couples told us their plans to go to Cuba. Can't say I wasn't a bit jealous since I'm not ALLOWED to go to Cuba (dang governments!). Then returned home. At midnight on Saturday after grupo de jovenes, we sang happy birthday to my brother-in-law here. We spent Sunday at his family's house in Funes and watched the World Cup finals. And the storm outside. It was really a lovely day. We were late for church, but whatevs. After church, we went to Nicolasi (?) for another friend's birthday dinner. The cake was delicious.

Monday when I went to Maranata, I didn't really have a plan. I had been praying about it, but still had no idea. So I flipped through the Bible and ended up in Romans. After reading it once through, I decided we should do a Lectio Divina (a Latin way to read the Bible [read 3 times through. the first time, you listen for words or phrases that stick out to you. the second time, a picture or scene. the third, for something God has to say to you]). I think it went pretty well, despite the fact that directions were misunderstood and a few people never had anything to say. (Oh also, one of the women who passed through Maranata's program already showed up, so there were 6 women). All week I had been thinking of a silly team building exercise we did in Alpha called "the human knot". So I decided we'd do it. Turns out that they loved it, and one of the women who is not a believer actually got a lot out of it. Beatriz asked if there was a specific purpose for it, and when I just shrugged and said no, Gabriela politely said that yes, there was. And she proceeded to explain a significant purpose to the activity. I honestly can't remember (I don't think I fully understood) what she said, but I know it was pretty profound and had to do with helping each other. So I'm glad God used that. Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to add that they asked if I knew how to use "la maquinita" (little machine) for hair. I assumed they meant a straightener, so I said yes. Before I knew it, they had pulled out a hair trimmer thing and wanted me to buzz Ivana's head! If you remember correctly, she was the 17 year old cocaine addict with most of her hair gone. I felt very unqualified to do such an important job. I knew it'd be very hard for her to lose the little hair she had and the bangs that hid her baldness when she wore her hood. I figured she'd feel ugly with no hair. I felt bad. At one point, when there was so little left to be done, she stopped me because she couldn't do it anymore. But I told her I understood that it was scary, but there was so little left to do, she might as well let me finish. She did.

Tuesday was my host dad's birthday. He turned 60. We had a delicious dinner and watched "La isla siniestra" or Shutter Island. During the movie, his dad called, lost and unable to remember how to get home. So he and Mabel left to go help him. But it's okay that they missed the movie, because apparently he had the whole thing figured out within the first 15 minutes! And I'm not exaggerating-- I looked at the time on the movie! Am I the only one who was completely taken for the whole movie?

Wednesday finally brought Vanessa to the therapy session. It was not at all what I expected. It was just them telling her how they were really doing. But Guillermo told us there was yet another new woman. She was addiction to alcohol, cocaine, AND pills. Basically anything people are addicted to here, she was on. She happened to be the women I saw passed out in front of Maranata a few weeks before. She had shown up to her interview drunk. Well she is now the fifth resident of the women's house. And she slept through basically all of Wednesday and Thursday while I was there.

Thursday I was yet again confused about my GSP. After deciding to change topics, I now have been given the name and number to a pastor in the Toba community. Sounds like I should be going back to that topic? Argh. This is so confusing. It also means I'd again need access to the university library here. This time though, I've spent time twice with the sister of my brother-in-law here. She's studying English. I sent her a message on Facebook to see if she'd be willing to help me. (Please God, guide me?) But back to Maranata. I was encouraged to play the guitar and sing the songs I had taught the women. The guitar I played was none other than the one our group gave Maranata four years ago, the first time I came to Argentina. We had all signed the guitar and wrote a little message to them from all of us. But after years of use, only the message and two signatures remain. And part of my last name. :) It was a pretty cool experience to use again an object that had been significant in my time in this country. Beatriz apparently met a man on her last venture out of Maranata and has a date next Friday, but nothing to wear. She pulled me aside and asked if I had anything she could borrow. I guess they aren't supposed to be borrowing clothes and such, but it was okay to use new clothes that had been donated. I'm thinking about just donating the stuff I let her use, since I plan on buying new jeans and sweaters anyways. The only thing I'm unsure of is my boots. I would like new boots.  But I'm also going to be in Buenos Aires next week and might want them.. Or maybe I'll find new ones there. But that's not guaranteed. Oy. What am I thinking. It's just a pair of boots. They're hers. I'm also thinking about getting all the women scarves. I also promised Gabriela that I'd bring facturas on Monday because she misses those quite a bit. The only bread they use is hotdog and hamburgers buns. And they just eat them. I can see why she misses them. And because they've been so loving and hospitable to me, inviting me to stay for lunch several times, I want to make them lunch. I'm thinking a macaroni&cheese casserole? Sounds good to me. And possibly somewhat easy? I'll have to look up recipes. Anyone got any recommendations for an easy "American" dish?

I also want to cook for my family here. I'm just afraid of screwing up. Maybe when my parents come, my dad can make tacos. I love how I've never mentioned that to him, yet I'm posting it in a public space. (So how 'bout, Dad?) And then Mabel can cook for them.

Well, this brings me to today. Frida (our dog) has had three seizures, and the day is still not over. We are preparing for Ricardo's surprise birthday celebration tomorrow (the host dad who turned 60). That's about it. I need to go shopping. Get new jeans and new sweaters. Either tonight or tomorrow. It needs to happen.

Also, I guess today is the coldest day of the year? I'm not so sure of that, but everywhere minus Rosario and probably Buenos Aires got snow. I'm glad I don't have to deal with snow; although, it's just as cold without it.


That's it. I need prayers for this stupid research project. How to go about it, what specifically to study, how I will get the help and materials I need, etc. Thanks, friends. I appreciate you. (Also, you should leave comments on recipes. :] )



EDIT** oh. my. gosh. I can't believe I forgot to say that Argentina passed a law to make same sex marriage legal. So there you go. Also, the law included the right for these couple to adopt.

**EDIT 2** Dani agreed to help me with my research project! She's one of two people I know who speaks English, and she's not creepy, so I'm SO glad she's on board! Now if I could jsut figure out what I need to be looking at more specifically...

Eventful

Since the last time I updated everyone, there are two new girls at Maranata. And one of them is really just a girl. Ivana is a 17 year old cocaine addict with a 5 month old baby girl. She is practically bald with some hairs on her hairline. It's hard to explain, but i think this is due to the cocaine use? Can it make your hair fall out? The other came two days later, so I didn't meet her until Monday when I went. Her name is Gabriela and she also is a drug addict. I'm not sure which drugs, but Guillermo (one of the directors at Maranata) made sure to mention to me that they were, because it's a different recovery process for them. I imagine scenes from movies with the addicts either curled up in a ball and crying and wailing and crying or clawing at themselves. I saw the scabs on Gabriele's elbows. It must be a brutal recovery. But they are wonderful. I didn't get to talk to Gabriela as much because this was the first time I met her. I got to spend some time with Ivana both Wednesday (her first day) and Thursday morning. Yesterday Victoria, Ivana's baby, was there. It was kind of hard to watch. There is nothing there adequate for taking care of babies. Ivana lined a crate with a illow and a blanket and set Victoria in it. Later, I heard her crying, so I went out to check on her and found she had fallen out of the box because she was up so high and there were no sides to keep her in! I can still see her squirming little body faced down and awkward on the ground. I guess she hit her head a little, too. I arrived first to the situation and picked up the poor precious thing, just to hand her over to mother. She slept for a while on Ivana's bed. When she woke and began to cry, Ivana went to pick her up and almost hit her head against the door frame. I'm worried for that child. Everytime she cries, she's fed milk. Is that really what she wants every time? Somehow, I don't really think so.. I suppose this is why 17 year olds aren't ready to be mothers? They made a makeshift high chair for her with the frame of a high chair and a belt strapped across her body. She kept falling sideways because it didn't touch her upper body. The poor thing..

Other than all that, today was more difficult for the devotional because the two new women are not Christians and so don't really want to hear something from the Bible. I'm going to have to start doing other things. I read recently in one of my books for class (Gracias! by Henri Nouwen) about how much weight the phrase "God exists" carries. Maybe I'll talk about that with them. But that won't be a long conversation. Oy. I don't know what to do. I finally ate lunch at Maranata. They'd always ask if I was going to staying for lunch, but it was always day of and didn't tell the family I wouldn't be home. So on Thursday I told them that I need an invitation before day of. They immediately said, "Okay, Monday?" It was nice. I've seen some of what they have to cook with, so I will admit I was a little worried about the quality of the food I was going to be eating, but bit the bullet and ate it. It wasn't too bad. Wasn't the best thing I ever ate, but I'm pretty sure that was probably the first time I've eaten carrots since being here. After lunch I took a picture of them. Beatriz was funny; she kept saying she looked old and fat, so I promised her next time, we'd do makeup and such beforehand.

I don't think I mentioned what happened Thursday either.. So I'll do that. It was a hard day for Beatriz. She missed her family so much. It was the first time I'd seen any of them cry. And she completely let me, didn't try to hide anything. I didn't really know what to do, so I sat next to her and just rubbed her knee, probably like I'd do to any of my other friends if they were feeling down. Early she had shown me a book of reflections. I remembered a page of "Emergency Numbers" or something like that. It was a list of Bible verses to look at if you were feeling a certain way. So I flipped to that page and showed her. I don't think she'd ever looked at it before. So we looked at a few together. I think that helped. I also wrote down the lyrics to "Me viniste a rescatar", the Spanish version of the song "Came to my Rescue" by Hillsong United. And I sang a little bit of it to her. Then we prayed and I left. Monday, they told me they'd given the lyrics to one of the guys in the men's house who plays the guitar. They also told them I had a good voice. I think that was unnecessary and slightly embarrassing. Haha. Oh well, I had told her I'd bring my computer so she could her them sing the song. So I did and she liked it a lot, she already started to memorize it, even the melody after hearing it only a few times! I thought that was cool. She said it touched her. And I was glad. :)

I was able to do that on Thursday because I've started allowing God to be a part of my day. I have to say honestly, that I wasn't giving him much room. I kinda left him in the States. I saw him a few times here, and then didn't give him the time of day, literally. But now I've started reading that Gracias! book by Nouwen (It's about his time spent in Bolivia and Peru, trying to figure out if that was what God wanted for his life. He's got lots of challenging thoughts. Some things I can relate to, being in the same context [alone. abroad. trying to figure out what God wants from me]), and he encourages me to surrender each day to God. I've also begun reading My Utmost for His Highest daily. I received the book as a present a few years ago, but never really got into it. I definitely didn't bring it with me, but there's a site online that posts each day's thoughts. I know it's not much, but these things help to make everything better. I've felt less homesick and alone since incorporating these. I still don't open my Bible much, but that's always been a problem for me. Maybe now that I'm changing direction with devotionals at Maranata, I can continue reading on my own time.

After Maranata, I came home and had about 20 minutes to change my sheets and breathe for a moment, then left again with Mabel to go shopping briefly and then meet everyone at Plaza Pringles (I know. Pringles, right?) for the march against gay marriage. They said the reason for the march was "for the family", because children need a mother and a father (part of the pending law would be legal adoption to married same sex couples). I have to tell you I was SO conflicted about going. I'm not sure where I stand on all of this, but I thought I'd go because my family was going, and it'd be a cool thing to see here. But I wasn't prepared for it to be as hard as it was. I mean, I think I agree that marriage should be man and women. But I don't think a march is a good way to win people over on this topic. I think public demonstrations can actually alienate people because there is no personal conversation that leads to understanding. I also felt a bit as if I were betraying my gay friends by even being there. I had to hold back tears every once in a while. I finally decided that I was there as a participant observer for my learning, that way I didn't have to deal with it at that moment.

But a blog I read recently talked about how so often Christians say "God hates the sin, but loves the sinner" while not doing the same. Or bashing people over the head with the Bible, which half of them don't even care about because of these Christians who don't practice love. During the march people were raising up their Bibles as they walked, waving them around. I felt so uncomfortable. It made me sad. I could probably go on and on in circles about this and never really get anywhere, so I think I'll stop there. 

In other news, I'm changing the topic for my research project. I have yet to make contact with the Toba barrio, and there is very little material to support any research I do. That is a project best spent in years of study. It's too much to do in a month. So instead, I'm going to align my research with my internship. I've noticed that there are by far many more men than women taking advantage of Maranata's resources. Granted there are way more beds for men, the women's beds aren't even filled up. So I'm thinking about discussing the gender difference in substance abuse in Rosario. Yea? Sound good? I found a book that I was able to download for free (thank goodness) that even has a chapter specifically dedicated to the problem in Argentina. So nice. And I can use the directors and inpatients at Maranata for interviews and such. It will be much easier to organize. (And I don't have to spend time with creepy friend from church in order to use the library here.) So now that I've made this switch I just have to get on it and actually start doing it. Pray for that motivation and wisdom/discernment to know how to go about conducting interviews and such? Thanks.

ALSO, I read that the Teatro Colón is the second largest opera house in the southern hemisphere (after the Sydney Opera House). I decided we should check it out and that if there wasn't an opera playing, we (my parents are coming to visit for a week at the end of this month) should at least get the tour. Turns out Don Giovanni will be showing only one night while we are in Buenos Aires. So after briefly discussing the idea, I bought tickets for the opera! A little less than $60 a person. $220 pesos. I love the exchange rate. 3.9 or so right now. Anyways, I bought them online while talking to my mom on Facebook. She told me that, immediately, the bank called the house for fraud alert. haha. My response? "Go team." Makes me glad to see our bank system working so well.

Well, I wrote part of this blog on Monday, then Tuesday I continued it, which is why it all says "yesterday", and this morning (Wednesday) I woke up to finish it. So all "yesterday"s refer to Monday. Thank you.

Oh yea, and since today is Wednesday, I'll be going to Maranata again for the therapy session. The last one didn't actually happen because the women was sick or something? So I just got to hang out with the girls (Malisa, Beatriz, and as of that day, Ivana) and we did exercises together. That was fun. But yes. Today I will be sitting in on my first therapy session. I'll report on that soon.

Chau, amigos! Nos Vemos!

Good Times.

Guess I should update again, since the last time I wrote was a week ago, and it was a short depressing tale. I was homesick that day. Martin took me to see Toy Story 3 that night, and laughing at (and understanding the dubbed version of) the movie made me feel much better. Friday night, some of the girls from church came over for dinner. We ate raviolones (big raviolis. because normally, they are small). and ended up watching destino final 3 (final destination 3). That movie. is terrible. But I couldn't stop watching! The tanning bed deaths were by far the most gruesome for me. ew. ew. ew. ew. Then at midnight they sang happy birthday to me and then everyone left. Saturday was my birthday! I didn't go out and do anything spectacular, but that's quite alright. USA was knocked out of the running for the World Cup. And it rained all day. Did I care? Not this time. Normally, I would think that facebook birthday comments don't count for anything cuz people only wished you happy birthday because they saw it posted somewhere. Saturday I didn't care. I felt so loved. People here and people at home wishing me the best. It made me happy. Then Saturday night we went to the young adults' group, which was combined with the adolescents this time. Afterwards we ate carne sandwiches and cake. And they sang happy birthday to me. I FOUND OUT THEY HAVE GLEE HERE!! My friend Ariel told me it starts up again soon. Apparently he has FOX. I didn't ask whether it was subtitled or dubbed, but I definitely want to see if I can watch it with him. Maybe I'll convince him to have a Glee party. :)

In other news, there's a slightly creepy friend that I have to spend time with because he gains me access to the university library and he's one of like.. two people here who speaks English. So he's vital for my projects. But he's creepy. So be in prayer for that obligation. BUT I going to have access to the library! So that's an answer to prayer! I just have to get in, make photocopies of everything (no copyright laws here) and get out. Also, today I will be starting Wednesdays at Maranata. I'm not leading anything, I'm just going to sit in on their therapy sessions. I was told it will be a little intense because they are working through their issues and conflicts. One of my own apprehensions is that I am unsure of whether the women will be okay with my being there. I don't want to "overstep my bounds" even though I've been given approval from the authorities. Pray for me today? As I do this for the first time? That'd be great.


Oh yea! And Argentina kicked serious Mexican butt on Sunday!! Martin got me a Messi jersey for my birthday, so I will get to wear that on Saturday for when we play Germany! Vamos Argentinaaa!!! (You should root for them, because they're the best.)



Over and out!

Phase 2?

Today life sucks, and I want to go home.

No, that's a lie. Rephrase: Today sucks, and I'd for it to end soon.

Prayers are appreciated.

Darse Cuenta

Darse cuenta means to realize. Today as I was waiting for the bus to leave Maranata, I saw a police car pull up, lights flashing. Then one proceeded to emerge and go to the door of the men's house. I wasn't sure what to think. Was there a fight of some sort? Something illegal? I was just in there and everything seemed calm. And Maranata is a Christian organization, so there wouldn't be any illegal activity. I waited and waited for the bus, watching for it, yet also watching the policeman and vehicle. Finally, he received some sort of confirmation and tapped on the window to the other side of the front of the car and a woman officer emerged. Together they brought out the man in the backseat. Man may not have been the right word, because that puts a picture of someone older in your mind. He was my age. And handcuffed. And walked into the home.

I knew I had been working with people who had problems with addiction. I had heard that sometimes a judge will send someone to Maranata to avoid sending them to jail. What never hit me is that I don't know how many came here of their own will and how many were brought there. In handcuffs. Like criminals.

I tried picturing some of those beautiful faces, both men's and women's, in the same scene. How humiliating to be seen at your lowest, to have someone's first impression of you be you in handcuffs.

But these people are more than that. They are more than their addictions. They love, they laugh, and they hurt, too. And they are giving up everything to get better.

Blessed.

Sunday I learned that a friend for whom I had been praying for 3 years finally desires a relationship with Jesus! God is so good. And that same night, both my home church in Glendora and my new church here in Rosario sang Mighty to Save. I picture us singing it at the same time, though I know we were a few hours apart. Kinda cool to think about: two bodies, two languages, yet one song, and one Lord.

Monday when I went to Maranata, I learned that one of the women, Eugenia, left the program. Please be in prayer for her, that she will find the strength to return and seek the help she needs. But also that day, I had brought my gloves with me, anticipating that I would need them since it was cold and rainy outside. While chatting with Beatriz, I learned that they got to go for a trip to the costal part of Rosario, to the park there, but it was cold for her. She doesn't own a scarf or gloves. And one of the other women told me last week that it often gets cold in the house. Before I left, I reach for my gloves in my pocket and decided I didn't need them. I had used them maybe once the whole time I owned them. I decided to give them to Beatriz. I'm not sure what she thought of the small gift, but it was from the heart.

In other news, the World Cup is in full swing, and I went to a watching party on Saturday to see Argentina beat Nigeria. It's been kinda fun keeping track of who wins which games and writing down the scores. I like the excitement in the air. I really would like to buy an Argentina jersey. That'd be cool. I'm excited for our next game; however, I am very NOT excited to get up at 6am to watch it. Oh well, such is life. :)

I'm cold now. I'm going to go stand by the little source heater. Chau, mi amigos!

Crap.

So yesterday I went for my first day solo at Maranata. I led a devotional on the many names of God. It wasn't bad, and they even told me they never knew he had so many. After that, one of the women I just met told me a little about herself and how she came to be at Maranata. Then I showed them some pictures (I had my computer for the devotional thing) and they showed me around their house. I spent about an hour and a half with them, give or take 10 or 15 minutes (I have no idea what time it was when I arrived), then met with Elvira who is going to be my supervisor. We agreed that I would come again with Andrea on Thursday and then next Monday, I would help her out with some administrative work.

The problem is, I left Maranata yesterday after 2 hours. And it'll probably be about the same on Thursday. If you know math (or even if you don't), that's 4 hours. I need about 10 hours a week.

So I emailed my advisor. The good news? It's only a minimum of 75 hours that I need. The bad news? Hanging out with them doesn't count for squat. "The service needs to be meaningful labor (something a staff person might do) that fits the mission of the organization and that is supervised (and evaluated at both mid-term and final pts) by a national staff person (often the director). Devotional teaching can qualify, though merely “hanging out” doesn’t (even though it’s important in building rapport)."


Well crap. Now what am I going to do? I think a staff person would spend time with the residents. And that's what they need from me right now. Devotionals and personal time. (Not to mention the little activity things once I start them up.) But it doesn't count?? And further, how do I get 10 hours a week when I can barely get 4 with hanging out as part of them?? 


Also, how supervised do I have to be? They are too busy to sit and watch me. That's why I took over devotionals. To help them out. 




This is not boding well, and it worries me. Greatly.

First Contact

After 2 unsuccessful attempts to make contact with Maranata (my internship site), I finally went today and actually had a meeting. It was short, but productive.. the best kind (though I have to admit, I did not much expect that!). As it turns out, we decided it wouldn't be a good idea to teach English and nothing was mentioned of Spanish literacy, but we did decide firstly, that I would go with Pipi on Thursdays for the women's Bible study. Cool. That'll be a few hours a week. Also, I'll probably lead a devotional of my own on Monday mornings to free Elvira (one of the directors) up to do administrative work. Also, on another day, I'll be leading some "workshops." Elvira was saying these women have a tough exterior shell due to the kinds of lives they've had. She said they don't even really know how to loosen up and have fun. So maybe I'll play games with them every other week. The idea was thrown out that we could watch a movie and discuss certain themes that go along with it, so it isn't just mindless entertainment. One of my favorite ideas (besides the games) was lessons in femininity. At first they were talking about life skills workshops, but i can't cook or sew .. or pretty much anything necessary for life. So I was a bit discouraged. But then she mentioned femininity. There are women in the program who don't know to to approach beauty. Some have worked the streets, others have been involved in drug trafficking and ganglife. So needless to say, ideas of beauty have been distorted. What I can do is teach them about how God sees them. Help them find their own beauty. They mentioned teaching them how to use makeup, paint their nails, wash their faces, do their hair. I feel like this would be a big sleepover drawn out over months. It'd be so much fun. I really need to think of a plan though. At first they were saying I should do 6 hours a week to get it all in before the end of my 3 months, but I need to do more than that so I can also focus solely on writing for the last two weeks, which is where the second devotional came in. I'm hoping to squeeze in 9-10 hours each week, otherwise I feel like I'm pushing it with trying to research and interview and everything with the Toba.

That's all I got so far, pray for the planning stages and that God will reveal to me my gifts and how I can be of use to Maranata.

Week 1: done.

So it's been a week, and today I found the blog of a fellow GLT-er in Nepal. Reading her blog really encouraged me to make this time count. I realized that for the most part, I've been holed up in my room, on facebook. Or wasting time on lame websites. Reading her blog opened up my eyes. The way she is experiencing Nepal and REALLY living inspires me to do the same. I don't want this to just be a study abroad where I learn some stuff. I want this to become home to me. I want to really know this place in a way no tourist can. I don't just want to get through it and go home. I'm here. And I want to be present in every single moment. I kinda wish I didn't have wifi in this house. It makes it so much more easy to waste time inside. Mackenzie talked about all the walking she's doing in Nepal. I have only walked a few blocks. This is my goal. Walk everyday. Know my surroundings. Know my neighborhood. Make friends with a neighbor. Or the man that owns the tiny store around the corner. Find a local cafe that I like. Learn to love the rain. I'm looking at a bird sitting one the telephone wire outside. It's pouring rain, and there he sits. I have an umbrella. Rain should not keep me indoors. And when I am indoors. Read. Spend time in the word. Read all the materials I have for school. Don't get behind. Don't procrastinate. Set deadlines. Achieve them. Get off of Facebook. From now on, three days a week. That's still a lot. But I'll ween myself down.



Father, forgive me for taking this experience for granted so far. Help me to really learn to live here. Heal me of my lame addiction to the internet. Give me motivation and discipline to follow through with all I've said.

Aquí

Pues, estoy aquí. After a very long couple of flights, I arrived Friday morning safely. Dan was not in the airport, so I followed his instructions to change my money, and then called him. He said he'd be there in half an hour. Not a problem. However, after reading up on Argentina, I learned that time is relative. So after an hour or so, I still wait. I arrived around 9 something, and it was about 11:30 when I decided if he didn't arrive before 12, I would call.

He finally came, but only after he had spent an hour looking for me in the airport. It turns out that most international flights arrive in a different terminal, but he had no way to get a hold of me. And I just expected him to be late, so woops on that. I'm already learning. Then we had a 4.5 hour drive to Rosario in what Dan says is pretty heavy traffic, due to the holiday on the 25th. Christina (la presidente) made it a 4 day weekend, so that folks would do some traveling. And traveling they are.

It was a loooong day after that. I arrived at their house and hung out with his daughters all day until we went to the high school group that Dan and Pipi help lead. Then I started fading fast. It became increasingly difficult to understand what was being said, though for the most part, I think I got it. In Argentine fashion, we left around midnight, and I went to bed as soon as I could. I slept for close to 13 hours. Never have I done that, but like I said long flights + long day+ time change+ new language = a very very VERY exhausted Tracy.

But Saturday was more relaxed. I ate, bathed, went to the supermarket, then hung out for a while. Then I was taken to my host family. I didn't realize how much English I had been around until then. It's gonna take a while to get it, but I'm doing okay, although sometimes it takes up to 3 repetitions for me to understand a question. And sometimes after all that, my response is simply sí. And I can't elaborate more.   Last night I went to the grupo de jóvenes, which is really the young adult group. It started at 10, I think. I don't know time anymore. I didn't think to pack a watch, and I don't use my phone anymore. I need to get a new one. Or a watch. But back to the story! The message (I think) was about dying to the flesh to be closer and more reliant on God. He used examples of Abraham, Ruth, Rahab, Dinah, and David. After that, we had pizza at the church, hung out, and then like we do at home, moved the party elsewhere. So at 1 am, we went to cafe guatemala for an hour or so. Then we came home and crashed. Except I woke up several times. At one point I was wide awake, but I don't know what time it was. I decided to go to the bathroom, but didn't know how to use it. Dang it. Oh well, I found out today.

We woke around noon, had coffee and bread, then I helped make the sauce for the spaghetti and then breaded/whatever it's coated in, the milanesa. Then we ate the spaghetti. But I was not very hungry. But I ate it all. Huy. I gotta learn to do some situps or pushups or something before then to get my metabolism going. It's raining. And lightening-ing. And thundering. I always like this weather, but only from indoors. Later we are going to church. And then probably going to eat late again. This is the eating schedule I must adapt to.


On a different note, I should start reading the assignments I need to be doing, because as of this moment, I have no idea.

Prayers? For communication, for clarity in my assignments, fooor learning the city, and adjusting to all this newness. Yup. That's it.

Chau!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I'm all packed. I have just about everything I need. I leave in 12 hours for the airport.

And yet, it all seems strangely unreal to me.

I'm about to have one of the hardest summers of my life, and I feel almost nothing. Maybe it'll hit tomorrow. Maybe then I'll freak out. But I'm not really the freak out type. Who knows.




Prayers are not required; however, they are appreciated greatly.

Whom Then Shall I Fear?

So I should tell you. I know what God wants to do in me this summer. He wants to heal me from my fears. Fears of failure. Fears of rejection. Fears that are debilitating. Ones that keep me from trying.

And to do that, I will be put in all kinds of uncomfortable situations. Over and over again, I'm going to want to run away, shut down, cry, etc. But God is stronger. And because I learned this year that it's better not to shoulder everything alone, I am eliciting your prayers. Whenever you think of me, send up a prayer. Ask my Daddy to protect me and comfort me in whatever it is I am doing. Ask that he gives me peace. Ask that he do whatever he need to in order to change my life.

This is going to be a hell of a summer/winter. It will hurt, and I know it. But it will be good. Hey! It's kinda like a winter/summer metaphor. There will be times of brightness and warmth, where everything is wonderful. And there will be times of darkness and isolation, where I feel cold and alone.


It's a winter of a summer. But I know that God will give me the strength I need to push through. Easier said than done though, right?

But it's okay. It's always okay. I have a big God.

The Final Countdown

I wish I could post this song and make everyone listen to it as they read. But I suppose having it stuck in your head as you read will suffice! :)

So I'm beginning a countdown: 28 day until departure.

Luckily, I found out yesterday that I HAVE A HOMESTAAAYY!!! :) :)

I'm hoping these people are willing to be my lifeline! Though I am nervous, my host brother and sister are older than me. I have this problem of being very timid around people my age. Give me children, give me middle aged adults, I'm totes fine. But put me in another country around people who will judge me and have it matter to my ability to make friends.. ay ay ay! Be praying that this timidity will not occur, that God give me a sense of peace about myself and my abilities with the language. And ask that God will turn my family's heart to me and give me grace when I don't understand. I do realize that Paula and Martin (my sister and brother) will be able to let me hang out with them and other people my age. I could get plugged into a social network REAL fast! and for that I am grateful.

In other news, I'm slightly stressed. It's dead week. Finals will be upon me soon. And I have to have all my research materials for my courses abroad squared away by next Thursday. That means 400+ for two different classes. So 800+ total. And I have to copy it all. But before I copy it (the least of my worries) I have to find resources that will give this to me! AAGGH! Not to mention write a term paper, another final paper, a presentation, a super hard final and another final.. maybe not super hard, but still comprehensive! Oh yea, and spend my last moments with people I love here. All that has to occur before I leave for UCO tour on May 9th.

Some people are getting sad that I'm leaving. I'm not there yet. And I think it's cuz I still have to prepare to leave! I can't think about leaving until I get everything in order! AY!

Dear Lord, give me peace. Dear Lord, keep me calm. Dear Lord, provide the resources I need in a timely fashion that I may not stress out. Thanks God, You're great!

And so it begins..

Today I booked my flights to and from Argentina. It's real. I'm really going to be spending my summer in the winter weather in Rosario. I feel so ill-prepared. I have soooo much to do and very little time to do it. Strangely though, I'm not stressed out. It will get worked out.

But be praying. For preparations, both mentally and logistically. And for my Spanish. This I am a little hesitant about, but I'll leave it up to God to grant me peace and confidence.

Well, now I must go pack and prepare for my Spring Break mission trip to Texas! :)

Over and out!
Tracy