Relief

Today was our day retreat. Today I finally let myself feel everything I'd hidden away all semester. I cried. Hard. But I still couldn't open up in my vulnerability. I left the room to weep because I didn't want anyone to see me cry. Shows how much I've regressed, huh? I haven't been in the practice of hiding my tears since my junior year of high school. But I was able release a little bit of the stress I've had. On the way back, I wrote some lyrics. They are reminiscent of the worship stations we did today which focused on hope, peace, humility and strength. Also, on Friday during class we used art as an outlet. I painted a picture of light breaking through a brick wall and penetrating darkness. On this picture I wrote the phrase "Love breaks down walls." I thought of it as I was writing. Here it is:

How do you put words to feelings?
How do you make sense of what you've seen?
On solid ground I lost my footing
And I don't know where to go

Please show me
Walk with me

Breathe peace into my life
Hope into my heart
Draw me humbly to my knees
To rise again with a strength that's not my own

Please show me
Walk with me

You can try not to feel
But love breaks down walls
Love breaks down walls
Show me how to break these walls

Dead and Gone

And no, I'm not talking about the new Justin Timberlake song. I was looking at old pictures and emails, etc. And that girl that was in those photos is so far off to me. I don't even know who she is. I don't feel like I connect with her at all. Another life. That girl is dead. I have no idea who I am now. How do I work out who I am in relation to what I've experienced in the last year? I don't know where I am or where I'm going. I had been upset because I felt I didn't connect well with many people from LA Term. And then I realized I hadn't really connected with anyone for a while. Then I realized I don't let people in. Last time I did, I make really good friends. But I also was really hurt in that process. Could it be that part of my life that totally turned me off to opening up to others? I don't know that I like this melancholy version of me, but I don't know how to fix it. It's not exactly easy to drop all defenses. I feel even vulnerable as I'm writing this, even though I know not many people read it.

I have this picture in my mind of the world spinning around me. And suddenly, I lose my footing. I feel like I'm in such a dark place, and I don't know how to find my way out of it.

Or maybe this is just how I feel tonight, and tomorrow will be better. But maybe not. I guess we'll see.

Me.

drawing

So I have a week left. LA Term is drawing to a close. I haven't written in over a week, but I feel I don't have much to say. I've pretty much turned off. Although I did escape this weekend to APU to hang out for a day.5. (That reads a day point five. I just made it up. hehe) But JP's talk at Company 122 on Sunday night was pretty humbling. He was using Isaiah 6, talking about how our righteousness to God is comparable to standing in front of him with "khaki pants" (in England, khaki is said like cokcy and it means poopy). And if that's as great as our greatness looks, imagine what our sin looks like. He said in the original translation it was closer to (I'm sorry for being graphic) menstruation blood. And as disgusting as we think used tampons are, that's how disgusting our attempts at righteousness are. Pretty sobering, right? That's just kind of stayed on my mind. I don't want to walk around any longer comparing myself to others and ignoring my mistakes. They are just as ugly.
In other news, our class went to see The Soloist on Friday. It was really good. Skid Row was a little amped up, Hollywood style, but it portrayed the hell that really exists there, even with the exaggeration. At first I was so confused by the last line of the movie, which was, "There are 90,000 homeless people in the greater Los Angeles area." It said nothing after that, and I didn't know what to do with that information. But I realized afterwards that it was almost as if the lack of words after that was asking, "What are you going to do about it?" It didn't tell you to go do anything. That's for us to decide. Interesting, huh? But I would definitely reccommend seeing it. Good movie. :)
So, I have 3 class sessions, 1 day at my internship, a day retreat, and a host family banquet. Not to mention a 10 page paper. And then I'm done. I cannot say how excited I am for this to be over. It's not that I haven't had a great experience or that I haven't had fun while I've been here, I just miss my church family at Grace a lot. A lot, a lot. So I'm ready to be plugged in again.
Okie doke. I'm off!
Trace

SADNESS

I pierced my nose on Monday and I was super stoked. Yesterday I took it out to wash my face and clean the hole and then couldn't get it back in. I spent TWO HOURS trying. There goes $15. But I'm gonna go back to see if she'll do it again for less, since it's only two days later. I'm SO sad!
But in other news, this class is interesting, but confusing, and it doesn't really capture my attention. It's just there. I'm just waiting out the last two weeks.
On Friday, I led worship in class again and P. Diddy and I shared a seat on the Metro on the way home and we talked about my "career." I told him I couldn't write and he encouraged me by saying that a lot of the greats just listen to old music and slow down/speed up/alter the melody. And then I found the quote that is now on my facebook. And it talks about how you can take things from here and there and put them together. Why not?

Since Then

On Saturday, I met a lot of Jim's family. (Jim is the one marrying my sister.) I like them; I think they are a lot of fun. Sunday, my grandparents came to church with me. They aren't believers as far as I know. And they didn't say anything about the service or the message. I should have asked. Monday, I went to hang out with my friends from high school, Alvin, Guy and Sid, at UCLA. That was really good; I hadn't seen them in a long time. And we tried to get my nose pierced, but the places we went to both charged over $50. No, thank you. There are plenty of cheaper places. And I'm determined to make it happen before the end of semester. I have three weeks. It was good to catch up with them, though, to see how God is working/moving in their lives. Yesterday, I went to USC to have lunch with Nick Houchin, another high school friend. Ever since I found out that my used-to-be-best friend is getting married very soon, I realized I need to make more of an effort to keep in contact with the people who mattered. After lunch and a tour, I went to the Mormon Institute right near campus to check it out. I met Brother Stanley who gave me Mormonism 101 in an hour. It was interesting. I'm going to go back on Sunday for the service and to see if I can meet different people. (For those of you who don't know, I'm doing a project, not converting.)Today for class we went to a Buddhist meditation center and last week we went to a Hindu temple. I'm excited to be less ignorant of other people's cultures/religions, though they can be extremely confusing. I still can't wait for the end, though. We're pretty much halfway done with this class already, which means we're getting really close to the end of the semester. I'm ready.
In other news, Lydia and I talked a little bit. We're good for now. I'm still ready to go, though. Okie doke. I'm off to watch One Tree Hill!
:)
Tracy

Good Friday

It's been a long time since the sacrifice of Jesus has brought me to tears and I fought them off during the service at church tonight. It was very refreshing to recognize again that his death bought my life. I tried to write, but now that I'm rereading what I wrote, it doesn't hold as much power to me. I hate that words cannot capture the depth of our worship. But here it is:

You knew when you came
You knew what you had to do
And still you live and died
To love me

You deserve nothing but my highest praise
My utmost adoration
Nothing but the best of my life
I will live to love you
Because you deserve my all.

Go today and reflect on how precious is the love of God.

Tracy

ponderism

-If all religions have a word for God, how do we know it's not the same God?

-Could it possibly be the same God, but Jesus is the separating factor?

new class

Urban Religious Movements.

It's going to be a difficult one for me, especially because the professor expects us to be speaking up all the time. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this, but the most vocal girl in the class leans very heavily on the universality point of view, with a few others supporting that standpoint. I'm very much not in agreement, but am afraid to speak up in fear of backlash from my classmates. I did tell this to the professor and he was glad I did. Many I won't get marked down too much for withholding my opinion. I know I should say it anyway, because chances are, I'm not the only one, but I'm still too timid to create waves in theological discussion. I'm afraid to be challenged and not know what to say or how to back my stance. Even though, I know why I believe the way I do. We'll see how it goes. Already, I wanted to get up and leave a site visit, because she brought up the topic of universalism again. I thought I was going to explode. Or burst into tears. Also for this class, we have another project that is worth half of our grades. In pairs. I have a feeling that I'll end up working alone. I really want to either do Hinduism, because I know nothing about it or Mormonism, because I know several practicing Mormons, but more specifically, because I will be going to Argentina, where the majority of missionaries are from the Mormon Church. Pretty sure that no one else will be up for it. Christopherson thinks it's be a really good project though. I'll just have to suck it up and get some courage about being on my own. (Oh, P.S. I got an A on our project for Immigrant LA! A 51/55 on the individual paper and a 53/55 on Lydia's and my presentation! That gave me a 93% for the class overall! A full on A, not even an A-! I'm so excited!)
But anyways, today was another day that I felt the need to write thoughts down to comment on in this here blog. So here they are:

Am I going to be able to separate myself from my beliefs in order to really listen to others about theirs? Christopherson talked about that only being one of the ways, so maybe I won't need to forget what I know.

Lydia talked about how her church is very "Did you say the prayer?" in terms of salvation. I think she favors the more universalist standpoint. And I was just thinking as she said that that not even everyone who says "the prayer" is going to heaven. I'm just reminded of that verse in Matthew that says "Not everyone who sys 'Lord, Lord' will be saved..." That leads me to believe that if not all "Christians" are going to be saved then why the heck would God have people who don't even acknowledge Jesus be saved?

Brittan talked about how her mom reinterpreted John 14:6 for her. Instead of "no one comes to the Father except through me" meaning that people must believe in Jesus to inherit eternal life, she explained that it is through Jesus' blodd that all are made clean and able to enter the Kingdom. I have a hard time believing this. Especially because of the above note. But see what I mean about not wanting to speak up if everyone is leaning to a certain side?

Then Christopherson posed an interesting question: What would heaven be like if we knew countless others were suffering in hell? I have no comment on it. I just thought it was an interesting question.

We visited Immanuel Presbyterian today. I have some qualms about that church, but the pastor that we met with today revealed something interesting to me. Since I've been at LA Term, several people have quoted to me "The poor you will always have among you" (John 12:8). And these people have told me that we shouldn't have to work so hard because they will always be there. Why should we work so hard for something that will never change? But the pastor told us that Jesus was quoting Scripture from Deuteronomy. And that the rest of the verse he quoted old them that ths was reason to care for them. And before typing that on here, I wanted to see if it was true. It is. Deuteronomy 15:11, "There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land." Amen. That relieves a lot of question I had concerning that.

Those are the few thins I had written down. So I'll do what I haven't done in a while. I have a few prayer requests. First, my car is here for the week. Pray that it is protected and no one breaks into it (I was told that it happens around here-- moreso with cars around the same years as mine). Next, pray for this class and for courage to speak truth in class. Pray that I'll get on it and figure out what I'm doing this summer. I'd really like to do the internship on APU campus, but I have to finish the application and turn it in and hopefully get called for an interview. Pray that God lead me where he desires that I be.
Thanks, Loves,
Teej

so much.

So it's been well over a week since I've written. After break, I've got to get back into the habit of updating regularly. Well Tuesday after I last wrote was uneventful. Internship days usually are. But Wednesday we left for our wilderness retreat as a class. It was so good for bonding us all together as friends instead of just classmates. After we played at the beach for a while, we went and set up our campsite and then had 2.5 hours of solitude. For mine, I simply wandered around the campground, sitting at different campsites for periods of time. The most memorable part was when I sat down at a random campsite to write down something I had just thought of. I looked up from writing only to find in the fire pit a fire that had not been there previously. It was no burning bush, but I'm not going to lie, I felt a little bit like Moses. And so I took my shoes off (Holy ground, right?). But I sat staring at the flames, and suddenly realized that God can do anything (i.e. pulling fire out of thin air). And recently I've been really wondering about my dreams, and I asked God if He could even make that happen. And he told me to trust him. And for me, that's difficult, because everything in society has conditioned me to believe that it's virtually impossible to somehow make it there. When Emily picked me up on Friday, we discussed this. Why is it that we have our dream jobs but also jobs that we know are realistic? We talk about how if we just settle for our second choice it's like saying, "Here's what I want to do, but I don't trust God to get me there, so here's what I'm going to do through my own power." I feel horrible that I ever doubted God's power. But I've had so much confirmation since then. Sunday I was able to lead worship at Grace again. For the first time since last Spring. And I felt so at home leading worship. And even though I messed up a lot, no one seemed to notice. And I heard later that at home in Bakersfield, the high school group played my song in worship. I wrote it while I was in high school, and had completely forgotten it since. But the only person who had led it up until this point was Dino, my high school pastor, who also helped write it. But the part that hit me the most was that a girl named Megan, who I used to be pretty close to, approached my mom afterwards and told her that she was in charge of picking songs and chose mine because it was one of her favorites. When I heard this, I teared up. Because it seemed to me that my dream is not as far out of reach as I had assumed. God showed me that if I trust him, He will use me. Since Friday, I've just been hanging out at APU basically. I went home Monday afternoon and Tuesday for an eye appointment. I got new glasses. :) I like them, but apparenty my left eye sucks major.
Today and yesterday were interesting. I have randomly been reliving my past life. Today I feel like I'm missing pieces of a complete me. Usually, I'm pretty okay with being single. But today, I long for someone to love me and to love someone else. I miss that. Also, when I listen to music, part of me actually NEEDS to be in it. I long with my whole being to sing. So I'm missing two big important parts. Love and music.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll be better.
TJ

thoughts

It's been a week and a half. Way too long again. I've just been really tired. But today was the last class of Immigrant LA, so I'm thinking the workload will relax little. Quick overview? Saturday Lydia and I did a short tour of Boyle Heights for our project and then I pretty much did nothing and allowed myself to relax. Sunday, I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I did mostly nothing. Monday: class. I can't even remember anymore. It's all a blur. Tuesday: Internship. Same ole, Same ole. Wednesday, Lydia and I didn't go to the LA Term Worship time because we chose to sit down with our host sister Erika and interview her for our project. That was nice getting to talk to her for a bit. Thursday, we woke up early and went to the immigrant rights rally which took place right outside of the high school where President Obama was to have a town meeting only a few hours later. That was really cool, using my white privilege and power to stand in solidarity with people who are seeking to have their voices heard. Immigration reform is a must, and that's what we stood out there for. We held a banner that said "Alto de las Redades" (Stop the Raids). Cool.
Friday was a great day in class. We finished watching Gandhi, which is a great movie, by the way. (And I started developing a really good Indian accent. I was pretty proud.) But then as a class, we discussed Gandhi's universalism. Some were getting really wrapped up in the validity of other religions. We discussed the fact that Alicia and I both participated in the prayer rituals at a Muslim mosque. I never take notes in that class, but I had to find someway to write stuff out to remember it or think it through. So I'll go through what was on my paper:

Universalism- "Is Christianity the only way?" I've been through this stupid struggle before. I do believe it, but sometimes it's hard for me to rationally vocalize it. I know there's the whole "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." And that's great. It really is. Yet even though I believe firmly in that, someone else believe firmly in something else. If we are both equally passion and convicted by our beliefs, who is right? I can find proof for me, and they can probably find proof for them. Is there any way we can REALLY know? Or does it just come down to faith and personal experience?

Which transitions me to the next item of business on my notes: several students were going down a thought path that makes Christianity very relative, basically a "This is true for me; that's true for you. I'm going to trust that they are both true." Paul called it a postmodern view of faith/religion. I would definitely not be one to go along with this. If there's one thing I learned in my Christian Life, Faith, and Ministry class, it was the Wesleyan Quadrilateral. This says that faith/religion is based on four main aspects: Reason, Experience, Scripture, Tradition. I totally agree. You can't just dismiss scripture and go with experience the same way that you can't dismiss reason and experience and go with tradition and Scripture. One leads to wild "spirituality" (as is the case with much of our generation); the other leads to rigid legalism. Neither option is healthy. One of the girls was even talking about the mistakes that are in the Bible. Now, I know there are inconsistencies, but I will NEVER believe that they are mistakes. The writers of the Gospels wrote for different purposes and this is the reason for a lack of agreement.

So the next part goes back to Universalism, because I suppose our conversation went in that direction again. A very wise comment was made about the differences between religions. This comment was something along the lines of "The biggest difference among religions is what happens after death and the rules along with that. Each religion's prescribed way of living is very similar to the others." Most religions value truth and love. I think that is where some of the other students were getting caught up. If we all want the same things, then aren't we the same? And the answer is no, because the end result is very different.

And like I wrote earlier, we discussed participation in other religion. I cited Paul as an example, "When I am with the Gentiles, I act like a Gentile, but when I am with the Jews, I act like Jew". Other something very similar to that. (No meaning was changed in my lack of exact words.) I talked about how in order to win people over, we need to realize we are coming into their culture (in other countries) and need to respect their way of life. I do not desire to show up and be stand-offish, because I feel that behavior like this sends the message that I feel I am better than others. But then there was also presented the argument that we cannot bow down to idols and even if we aren't "bowing our hearts," we must not give the impression that we are. Thoughts, anyone?

Then Saturday, we went to a church service with Juanita. And then Allie and Emily and Summer picked me up for Lenka, Justin Nozuka and Missy Higgins concert. It was amazing. Lenka rocked it up. She pretty much has my dream job. Ok, not dream, because the dream is to lead worship around the world, but a very close second. She just went up there and had so much fun, dancing around and singing. It made me have fun in the audience. Justin sang beautifully with lots of soul, something I would like to develop in my voice. And Missy was amazing. She was so much better live than on her cd. And her cd is really good. But oh my goodness, when she would sing, I would just close my eyes and ask God to let me sing some day. Sometimes, it's the greatest desire of my heart. Just to sing. TANGENT: In Immigrant LA, we talked about how in other countries, children picked their desired professions and then follow a schooling track that leads them there. I thought to myself, how cool is it that the jobs little kids dream of having are actually within reach for them. (I also saw the downside of not getting to learn new stuff that you would never have tried before.) But really, why must we develop "backup plans" for ourselves. If we really want to do something, why don't we work until we get it? That's my idealistic side coming through. My realist side says: Because i's never going to happen. There is no way you are going to be good enough on any instrument to lead worship professionally. And you don't have enough musical talent to write your own stuff. That's my reality. Boo for that.

Sunday was all project, all day. Today in class, we had a guest speaker that cited both Old Testament and New Testament for reasons to help immigrants. And I thought to myself, can you really use OT commands today? Do they still apply? Because I have a feeling that they were directly to the Israelites for the way they were to live many years ago. Didn't Jesus come and totally rewrite the way that we are to live? Should the OT be used mostly for history and background?

I also vocalized my hesitancy to stand on either side of the fence (no pun intended) on immigration. I talked about how one part of me does acknoledge the need to address the lack of human rights available to undocumented immigrants crossing the border. The other side says, shouldn't they realize the great risk they are taking? Don't they take into account the hard journey ahead? The speaker just mentioned that many of them don't realize that the desert is so big and they don't realize how severe the desert elements can be. I guess I never thought of that part. But still: Should we help them if they are breaking the law?

Lydia helped me by taking a step backwards. Do I believe the current laws are just? Because if I do, then civil disobedience is something I'd be willing to do. I think.


Lots of questions in my mind lately. Yup, yup.
Got any answers/ideas? Please share. :)
Trace

pick up.

OK. Picking up where I left off, I'll go back to Sunday night's sermon. Pastor Gene spoke about different views of what happens to people after death. I don't remember the reason he stated it, but he said something about people and social issues, saying "If we are only showing them God's love, how are they going to know God's love?" Or something like thatm basically putting down the social gospel by saying that helping people doesn't tell them about God. Now don't get me wrong, I also believe that there comes a time when we need to use our voices, but I am a strong advocate for Frances of Assisi "Tell people about Christ. And if necessary, use words." I felt like Gene was saying that helping people does nothing and we need to simply go out and do some street preaching. Now that is something I'm skeptical of. If we go out and do soemthing as impersonal as that, how can people really be changed? And I thought to myself, if we show God's love in a practical way, isn't he going to move and open doors? I do believe there is a time to speak, but if God is not opening that door, I believe that we should not force it. I feel as though if we are obeying God by serving his people, then it opens doors for people to ASK us about our faith and allow us to build relationship with them, rather than forcing our religion in their faces. No one wants to be coerced into faith. And he brought up social issues again later in the sermon. And I was SO angry. I thought, how can he, as a pastor, disregard the effect that social issues have on the spiritual lives of people. I have to believe that Pastor Gene knows we ought to be serving the poor and helping those who can't help themselves, but that just didn't come across in that sermon. I was pretty ticked off, I'm not gonna lie. In fact, I was so angry about it that when the contemplative time of worship started, I couldn't participate. I had to consiously tell myself to worry about it later because this was a time of worhsip. I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to work. Pastor's words aren't supposed to distract from truth. That's a problem. I really wanted to talk to him afterwards and ask what it was that he really meant, but I didn't. Even when he was two feet away from me.

What are your thoughts?

Back to my chronological explanation of meaningless life tasks. Wednesday was pretty cool because Damaris, one of the previous LA Termers came and spoke to us about her GLT. Nori brought her in to talk about it because Damaris went to Mexico and did her research project on immigration and the border. I think Nori feels really bad about us not going anymore. I've come to terms with it. Maybe I'll take a trip down there at somepoint and see it for myself. But afer Damaris spoke, I got really excited for my own GLT. I think about it so much now. I pretty much have it all planned out. I want to go back to Rosario, Argentina. Hopefully Dan Ryder will be able to hook me up with a homestay. I want to find an internship, which shouldn't be too hard, that allows me to do something with TESL, and I want to do my research project on the Toba Indians. I haven't even taken the preparation class yet. I feel worlds ahead of everyone else. But at the same time, I feel like something's wrong with me. Most of the other students want to go to India or Iraq or Saudi Arabia. Somewhere in the Middle East/South Asia. And I don't. I feel like there are generalizations that fit most of the Global Studies students, but don't apply to me. Don't get me wrong, I realize that there is something good about being different, but sometimes I wish I could share in some of the ambiguity that people face or regional excitement or a call to the city. I don't have those things. Blah. But that's okay. God made me different, right? Right. Wednesday night we jsut went and got McFlurries from McDonald's because not everyone could come to the worship thing. Thursday's internship kept me busy, which was good. And I asked Mia if I could sit in on the next meeting, just to listen. That'll keep me from just sitting around waiting for instruction. Maybe I'll get a feel for what it's really like. And the symposium is coming up soon. One of the days, I'll be in class so I won't be able to attend, but Heili told me to come afterward for the special dinner for the speakers. :) Yay! Thursday night, Lydia and I went to the Artwalk that happens once a month in the Gallery District. It was really cool to see all the abilities that God has given people. My favorite was LAMP. It's a gallery that houses pictures made my homeless people/people with mental health problems. And these were incredible. We talked to one guy for 10 minutes and he showed us all his water color pictures. And these weren't just any water color pictures. They were phenomenal. Just the way he used color was amazing: some of it simple, some of it extremely complex, all of it beautiful. And he was the nicest guy, there were a few times we admired something in particular and he jsut took it out of his book and gave it to us. Lydia really liked a comic he had drawn in pen and he just handed it to her. It was of a little girl with dozens of small flowers on the ground by her feet and trees with really big flowers that were out of her reach. And there was a ladder against one of the trees and the girl was holding a giant flower. The caption was "Think BIG!" And it just spoke volumes about not being complacent with the little things that are easily within reach; we need to be willing to go the distance to get the grand things. Good stuff. And we continued flipping through and there was a copy of one of his watercolors on a card that LAMP makes and sells. And I thought it was cool, so he took the card out and gave it to me. Very generous.
Friday in class some people shared from their journals and then we watched half of a movie on Gandhi. I'm really interested in it. I've never known much about Gandhi until now, what with our readings on Martin Luther King, Jr. (who admired Gandhi greatly) and the civil rights movement and the movie that we've now started. After class, Lydia and I came home and watched some Friends episodes and then Die Hard. She'd never seen it. Good stuff. I catch soemthing new every time. Like, did you know that the gas prices in the 80s were around 74 cents? That just is unreal to me. Unreal.
Today we talked a little with Juanita and Erika and then went on an obbservational walk around Boyle Heights for our project for class. It was really cool. I feel like I know the area a lot better. We passed no less than 18 yard sales today and at least 10 barber shops and auto places. I'm proud that I made the connection that there were so many service oriented shops (auto/barber) because that's the kind of social capital that immigrants come in with. And immigrants also come in as entrepreneurs, which explains the abundance of markets and discount clothing shops. Those take very little skill, but bring in a sufficient income for an immigrant. Go me. :) This afternoon, I've just been chillin, watching ANTM and old episodes of One Tree Hill. I read some for homework. I've got a lot more reading to do before Monday. I'm not excited about that, but I am excited about the fact that we get to sleep in on Monday. We don't have to be to class until 1:30! Hoo-rah!

Pray for me? on Friday I found out that I was accepted as a returning Alpha leader for next semester, but I also learned that there were several people who were turned down that would have been amazing. I don't feel as excited about it as I used to, but I know i will be amazing again. I don't know if I should accept the position or not, knowing that I'm taking the place of other students who have not yet experienced it. And I have to put my schoolwork first, which means I cannot go to the retreat where we find out who our AC group is. I received two recommendation to be a D Group leader next year and I think I really would like to do that. Stacie told me I could do both. But I'm not sure. It's kinda like I know I want to be a D Group leader, but do I want to do Returner as well? Do I want to do Beginnings all over again? Do I want another group of freshman? Wouldn't I rather have a group of people who WANT to be there (a lot of people would rather Alpha weren't a requirement)? Don't I want to help lead a group of girl deeper into the word? Don't I need Timothys? I realized I can have both, but can I dedicate the time necessary to both? Is there someone who needs Alpha more than I do, as much as it has blessed my life? Pray for me. Give me advice. I don't know what to do, but I need to do it soon because next weekend is the retreat. God, lead me. We did Lectio Divina for our devotional on Friday during class and part of teh passage she read to us was about removing the protetive layers around our hearts. I felt like God was telling that I need to be okay with feeling. I know that when I've gone away for the weekend, I find myself not wanting to return, because I know I'm going back to a world of heavy issues that I don't want to think about. Pray that I open myself up to be empathetic, that what breaks God's heart will break mine.
That is all. I guess I must return to my homework. Or watch One Tree Hill. :)

Tracy

blah.

So I've had plenty of chances to update, but I've been very lazy. And I'm sick of just writing about what I've done and not what I've been thinking and struggling with. So I'll write a quick overview of what I've done and come back to write my issues later. I just need to have another entry for class. We're checking journals today. This is mine. So Wednesday in class, we pretty much did nothing. Like really. Nothing. We were all on Facebook and random websites. Wednesday night we did small worship at Brianna and Bethel's and then Alicia told her life story. I'm glad I know her a little better now. Then we did karaoke! It was amazingly fun! Then on the way home, on the bus, some cute guy got on and Lydia made some comment. Then she asked me if I thought he was tall enough. I said he was probably about the right size. And she jokingly said "the right size.. if you know what I mean!" And I said "Ew." And then the lady in front of us turned around and looked at us and I was really embarrassed. Then she laughed and asked if we wanted to see a picture of her boyfriend. We said sure. She got out her cell phone and when we looked down at teh picture, we realized it was a penis! We were so shocked. We had to hold in our laughter until after she got off the bus, but OH MY GOSH. It was gross. But the situation was hilarious. Thursday was internship. Same ole, same ole. Friday we went to the Midnight Mission and served food to the homeless. Cool, right? Except I was the only one they didn't have a job for, so I just stood around wondering why I was there. To this day, I don't know. Then I was off to APU for the weekend! Yay! I had my Alpha returner interview, then we dressed up and went to Victoria Gardens for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Delish. Then Saturday we went to Venice Beach. I really wanted to get my nose pierced, but all the places were really expensive. But I'm going to do it before I leave LA. I'm determined. Sunday, Allie and I went to the Spanish service at Grace. It was amazing. I'm totally planning on going every week when I get back. That night I was afraid of how it would be to see everyone again. To find out whether or not I had been missed, to see if I still had a place. It was reaffirming to find out positive answers to those questions. I was really angry with Pastor Gene's talk though. I'll come back to this later and write about it, because class is starting soon and I need to be there. Monday we went to immigration court, which ended up being really boring, but I did find out that they are treated less than human, being reduced to case numbers and "the female." Tuesday was internship again. I arrived and I guess Mia and Heili were in a meeting, so there was no one there for me to ask if there was something I could be doing. So I read for 45 minutes. Wonderful. But I was busy the rest of the day. OK, I'm gonna go to class, so I will come back to this later!
Chau Chau!

2/3

I'm just gonna start off by saying that I'm really sad no one gave me any feedback on my question about homeless people. I started importing my blog onto Facebook in hopes that some people would dialogue with me about what I'm learning. It seemed to work well (unintentionally) for that 25 things note. But I will keep writing in hopes that I am not simply telling you about my life here, but that I am challenging you as well with some of the things I'm learning.
Friday, we had an amazing discussion in class about liberalism vs. fundemetalism in theology that turned into liberalism vs. conservativism in politics. It was good to know I'm not alone in trying to sort all this out. The most memorable point, though, was made in saying that our loyalties lie with the gospel. We follow what Jesus did and said to do. And all this came waaaaay before any stupid political party. We also used the narrow road as imagery for us in that we walk a fine line with liberal on one side and conservative on the other. We do not have to accept all the policies of one political party and are free to choose which ideas we want to support. But yea, I don't know if that made sense to you, but it made so much sense for me. Friday night, I went over to Brianna and Bethel's, along with a few other LA Term students, and we watched the movie Snatch. It was interesting to say the least. It's probably bad when we all laugh at the irony of death. Or is it? We don't have anything to be afraid of.
Saturday, Lydia and I were supposed to go hang out with most of the LA Termers, but decided we needed a day to spend some time together, so we watched Changeling (good movie!) in the morning with Erika and her friend and then headed off to Hollywood for some thrift store shopping! After that, we ate at a pizzaria. So good. I hadn't eaten pizza in who knows how long! When we got home, there were SO many family members at the house! We talked for a little and then went to do homework. And THEN I realized that I had left my purchases at the pizzaria. So I frantically searched for that pizza place that started with an E on Melrose. Luckily, I found it, and so had the guy who was working, so he had it for me to go pick up. Woot!
Sunday, we opted not to go to church, but we each spent time in the Word and then had our own worship time. Then we spent the day with all the family who was there. And another thing that was really cool was that the two girls who stayed at Juanita's last semester came over for a while. It was good to talk to them and see how they are doing now and adapting to life outside the urban setting. We alo asked them what they wished they did more of, which ended up being simply to take advantage of our location. I realized I've never been to the art district, Little Tokyo, Little Ethiopia, and probably a bunch more! So I have to make some plans for that! But back to my day. It turns out, there were three family birthdays on Sunday! Rosita, who is Juanita's sister, turned 51, Filiberto, the baby who is often at our house because Nayeli is sick (Nayeli's baby) turned 1, and Juan Carlitos turned 3. He is just about THE cutest little kid. Oh my goodness. At around 8, we went over to Juanita's sister's house to celebrate with Juan Carlitos and Rosita. I had actaully been craving cheesecake earlier, so it was pretty marvelous when they brought some out! But the cake for little Juan Carlos was soooo good, too! Whipped frosting and marshmellows and cherries. I ate too many sweets though; I felt pretty awful afterwards. Then homework and bed.
Yesterday was Monday. We spent way too long listening to her explain what we read, because, after all, we already read it! But after lunch, we got to go to a day laborer site. We got to hear a little bit about the center and their fight to make sure all day laborers get no less than 10$ an hour. One of the men, Antonio, told us his story. Most of the guys were from Guatemala, but a few were there, also, from Honduras. We found out that, with the economy so bad (and it will probably only get worse), the men only get to work about 4 days a month. If they're lucky. Most were only able to work closer to 2. Afterwards, we got a chance to talk to some of the guys. Brianna and I talked to one for a little while. I took a chance and asked him if there were any men there who didn't have papers. He said there were probably 4 or 6. Well, that's what I thought he said at first. Then I realized he said that there were probably 4 or 6 WITH papers. And there were close to 200 men on the block. Maybe he was talking about out of the 50 or so that were standing there. But still. Wow. The majority are trying to end money back to their families, but are having a hard time even keeping a life for themselves. They wait at Home Depot from 6 in the morning until someimte in the afternoon, I don't remember when. It's funny how people complain about illegal aliens, but none of them actually know one. It's so different when those people suddenly have faces and voices and needs. It becomes personal. I still don't think they should come illegally, but they're here. And they are people, too. After school, I spent 2 hours just trying to go pick up the clothing I left at Enzo's (the pizzaria, which has pretty good pizza, if you ask me!). Then Lydia and I just read MLKJ at the center, waiting for 5:30, when we left to go to Immanuel Presbyterian for their free yoga classes. It was interesting. Relaxing, yet taxing. (Like my rhyme?) I found I have a real problem with tension in my shoulders. The instructor kept having to come correct that for me. After yoga, Lydia and I went home, ate dinner, and watched Slumdog Millionaire. We'd been waiting to see it for a while. I thought it was really good and really unique. I had no idea it was a love story. But it wasn't JUST a love story; it opened eyes to many realities/injustices that poor people face, not just in India, but all over the world. I liked it. Last night I woke up at 3:30. I think it was becaused I realized what I was dreaming. I don't really remember now, but I know there were a lot of brown people. Mostly children. I have the feeling, they were being treated unjustly, so I tried to figure out who I was dreaming about. It could have been day laborers from Guatemala (I don't know why, but I keep thinking these people were Salvadorean), they could have been the children of the slums of India. I realized that what I am learning is now affecting me not only in my conscious state, but my unconscious as well. I don't know if the internalization is a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, it's becoming a part of me and I'll never be the same. But at the same time, is it bad if I cannot separate myself? Or is that a good thing; after all, as Christians, we are supposed to feel the hurts of our brothers as well. I don't know. Feedback? :)
On my way to work today, I was thinking that I want to help whoever it was in my dream, but how could I if they were everywhere?And I thought about the fact that my goal has been to serve the Toba Indians of Argentina. And I realized they were brown, too. The people in my dream could have been my Tobas. Oh yea, and the other day, I was looking for the website that Christy and Jonathan told us they used in the class where we set up our Global Learning Term. I don't think I found it, but I didnt find a number of opporunities for internships in Argentina, some of which include learning to teach English as a second language. I'm getting really excited for that next year. It'll be incredible.
But yes. Here is the prayer request part. I don't have anything specific, but I would love to know how I can pray for you. So please email me, message me, whatever. I have been neglecting that a lot. It's not that I haven't done it, I just have not known what I can pray for specifically.
You truly are dear to my heart.
Tracy

Question of the Day

Is it a sin to see a homeless man on the street and keep walking?

Fresh Air

Today was a good day. A beautiful day, if you will. But I will begin with yesterday, because of that, I have not told you yet. So yesterday was our first day of Immigrant LA, and we were extremely bored. She taked for hours with few breaks. But she did say that she would and she hated that, but she had to give background. I guess pretty much every oher class is going to have a site visit now, so I suppose that's alright. Most of our grade in that class is going to come from a huge project we do. We have to do a study on an immigrant community in LA. We must write a paper and give a presentation on what we learn. I'm not looking forward to the academic side of it, but I am excited to learn about life. Lydia and I hope that Boyle Heights can be categorized as an immigrant community, because we'd both really like to get to know our neighborhood and the neighbors and even Juanita better. After all, she is an immigrant; she'd be the perfect person to interview. I guess I'm excited for this class. I'm definitely not happy about the book though, it's hecka boring. And we have like 50 pages of reading for each class. Blegh. But whatever. I'll do it. After class yesterday, a bunch of us went to Hollywood to go to a thrift store. I found nothing worth buying. But such is the life of thrift store shopping! Then Lydia and I jetted out of there to go meet Luis for our English practice. We went to the grassy area/fountain by the outdoor starbucks. It was SO beautiful! And we got to hear a little bit more about his life and his job. After that, we went straight to Alice's restaurant again. At dinner we talked a little bit about Lent and what people were giving up. I decided that I would not give anything up, but take on the practice of reading my Bible everyday. I have been doing horribly at it. And I'm finding that I'm extremely frustrated by the fact that I do not know how to study the Bible. I want to know it, really know it, but all I've ever done is simply read it. I'm finding I'm hungry for substance, not fluff. I'm tired of trusting other people to teach me something important. I want the true Teacher to show me something new. So that is my hope for this season of Lent. To learn to really read and study the Bible, to find something new and applicable in every reading. So yes, after dinner, we went again to Brianna and Bethel's for worship and fax machine. I realize I need to memorize more songs, so that I can play up there on the rooftop without hindrance. Alicia had the beautiful idea to begin telling life stories every week. I think it will be a wonderful opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level and am super excited to commence.
Today was not all that bad at my internship, granted I didn't do much again today, I had a completely different attitude. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that both yesterday and today I started the day by listening to worship music. It just puts me in a completely different mindset, and I see the beauty in everything rather than the negative.
So here are my prayer requests: that I'm able to follow through with my Bible goals so that I may know better the heart of God, that this new class won't be boring or too complicated, for me and everyone else here who is doing a lot of self-examination. I cannot even think of anything else at the moment. I'm listening to worship music again and am finding that I'm getting lost just thinking about my Lover. :) I don't suppose that's a bad thing. But really, pray that I may fall more in love with my Savior and that I come to know Him better through His Word.
I pray the same for you.
Your sister,
T

Oh Goodness...

There goes almost another week without writing. I guess I should write more often so that I can process more quickly. But this week has been a heck of a week. Tuesday night when I got home from my internship, I found that I had been tagged again in one of those stupid "25 things" blogs. So I decided to do it. But I wanted to be different, so I decided to write about ways that I have changed or things I've learned since moving to LA. And I did not expect the response I got. At all. People were challenging me left and right on my opinion. Crazyness ensued. Everyday until Sunday I had received some sort of feedback on my note. But I'll donate an extra section to that on this blog.
Wednesday was another day to make me angry at the systems in the world. We discussed education. I learned that California used to be around 34th in ranking on how much money was spent per pupil in public schooling. With the recent budget cuts, we now are at 50th. Dead last. I was SO angry. Ignorant people perpetuate the problems we already have! But yea, back to the day. We went to visit Los Angeles Leadership Academy, a charter school about a block away from the regional center. They are doing good things there, approaching education differently than the failing LAUSD. But still, it's really disappointing to hear that privilege (yet again) has a lot to do with how far one advances in their education. I'm tearing up even thinking about it again. It's just not fair. All men were not created equal. Some were born into lives that will never allow them the luxuries that I have without even asking for them. Afer our site visit, we briefly went over some environment issues. Okay, we watched a movie on the LA river- we didn't really say much. But since it was our last class, we let out a little bit early and all went to get yogurt! Yay for our class! Then Alicia, Jessi, Christy and I went to protest the American Idol producers for not giving their writers proper pay or benefits. They won't even acknowledge that their shows have writers. Even though they are part of the screen writers' union. But how ironic is it that I saw the contestants at church on Sunday and then protested the show on Wednesday! After that most of the students met up at Alice's restaurant (she's the homestay mom for Brianna and Bethel) and then we went over to their house and played fax machine. It's such a bomb game. The best. I need to teach everyone at some point. After the hilariousness was over, I looked at the bus times and saw that the next bus didn't come til 10:58. Juanita told me to stay there because it wasn't safe to come home at that time. So that was my first night away from home!
It kinda sucked, though, because I had to find some of their clothes to wear for my internshipon Thursday, but it worked out. They were only barely too small or too big. Manageable. My presentation was fine. The meeting was a lot more casual than I had anticipated. It was overall a good day. I liked the interaction with other people! Later, I went back to Angelus Temple with Jonathan and Josh (because they hadn't been to church yet, and I needed people in my group for the presentation). Another show. But I do recognize and admire that they such a service to the community around them and for those who are hurting.
Friday morning, Lydia woke up sick again. Worse than any previous time. So she didn't come to school. And I went early so we could type our outline for our presentation. But I don't know whhy I had to go early. I could have typed it on my own, because that's what I ended up doing anyways. But whatevs. If you want it done right, you do it yourself. Turns out, though, that the church we were supposed to go to was West Angeles something. Woops. But I'm pretty sure P. Diddy won't dock us too many points. Not worried. At the end of class, the LA101 group from APU joined us, and we had a presentation from Night Light. Human Trafficking. I don't know why, but that gets me more than a lot of other injustices. It brings me to tears almost every time. After class, Jessi went with me to buy soup and gatorade for Lydia. Then we went to gather my stuff and her stuff and got ready to go dancing! We met at Brianna's and then were off to the Ruby! I think I've been there at least 4 times. I need a new place. But the outside was totally redone this time! I was impressed. We had mucho fun. It was grand ole times. Then Jessi and I stayed the night with Brianna.
Saturday I went home. My parents came and picked me up and we went home, my mom and I discussing my note pretty much the entire ride. I watched Taken with them, then started my reading for class. We're now beginning Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s autobiography. I'm excited for it because Shane Claiborne talked about it so much.
Sunday, I woke up bright and early to get to church by 8. My mom wanted me to sing with her in the choir for first service, so I did. It was kind of a fun song, too. Then after that, I went over o the gym to practice for third service, because Dino (my high school pastor) had asked me to sing with him. That was fun, too. After church, I went to the Macaroni Grill with my parents. I had been craving Italian food for the longest time. And there, we talked a little bit more about what I was learning in class. Mostly discussing socialism vs. capitalism. Then we went home, I did my paper, and went back to church again. Dino had asked me to lead worship for the high school group. It was alright. The coolest thing, though, had to be when I thought I had started out off key. So I didn't sing the second line of the song, but allowed them to get me back on. But when I heard them singing, I didn't want to come back in. They didn't need me. So I just nodded for them to continue without me, and I just kept playing while they sang together. It was beautiful. That was that for Sunday.
Monday, I woke up and got my hair trimmedish. And then went to the chiropractor (one of the parts I was most excited for), and basically told me that I was an idiot for not taking care of my ankle. He told me that I should have been icing it everyday, not just the first day. I figured that, but whatever. I'm now to ice it for no more thatn 20 minutes at least three times a day. Then maybe the underlying swelling in the deep tissue will go away. No doctor necessary. :) Thanks for the prayers! Then My dad and I went out to lunch with my grandparents at Applebees. It was good to see them, too. And after that, we hit the road. I have to admit, I wasn't super excited to be coming back, but I knew I had to. Laura (Lydia's old roommate and the one who moved into my room when I left) came and visited Lydia and we all had a dance party and snacked and just generally had a good time for a few hours. Then she left, and we went to bed.
Today I did not want to wake up. I did not want to go to my internship. I did not want to be in LA. I wanted to be home with my parents, away from the city and its problems. Then I waited over 30 minutes for the bus and then another 20 minutes for my second bus. I was an hour late to work, but still left at the normal time, just because I dislike it so much. One good thing is that someone brought in gumbo and jambalaya for everyone to eat for our Phat Tuesday lunch. On my way home I thought about why I didn't want to be here. It came down to satan. He wants me to lose hope. He wants that I do nothing with what I've learned. So I need your prayers to fight against that spirit of despair.
I now need to address the note that I wrote, though I'm over the drama of it all. I wote something about being more liberal now, and people jumped on that. I didn't necessarily mean governmentwise. I like the ideas, but I don't necessarily think that the government should be the ones implementing htem. The church should pick up the slack. I feel as though there are a lot of things the government wouldn't have to do if the church were doing its job concerning the orphans and the widows and the poor in general. And I know Jesus would pick neither party, but I was simply saying that I feel the ideals of the left side more accurately reflect Jesus than many of those on the right side, the side with which the church is most closely aligned. Now do you see my thought process? And I made the claim that I thought homosexuals should be able to be pastors because their sins are no worse than our own. But since then, I have talked with wise counsel (my mommy) and have reconsidered. But let me say that in my mind, I had not defined pastor as one who has chosen to live above reproach. I had defined pastor in my mind as a normal human being who struggles with sin, but happens to have the gift of preaching. So that's where I was coming from. But as my mother and I talked, I realized that pastor is something different from that. Pastors choose to live setting an example for those they teach. So now I will say that homosexuals can make great teachers, showing us other perspectives that we may miss, but that the pastoral position is reserved for someone who has given up a sinful lifestyle. So in that sense, yes- a reformed homosexual may be my pastor. Because he has renounced the life he once used to live. Yes? Yes. I'm pretty sure those were the two bigest claims that everyone was so very unhappy about. But there they are. I addressed them, and now I'm moving on with my blog.
Prayer requests. Continue to pray for me as I work out these types of issues. Pray that I use my Bible correctly to find true support for what I should or shouldn't believe. Pray that satan be hushed in his attempt to squelch my passion for this world. Also pray that I find a way to enjoy my internship, rather than feeling stuck and isolated. Pray for this upcoming class (Immigrant LA), that God would open our eyes to what He wants us to know about those coming to our country. And that my roommate and I are able to bond more and more. Pray for my summer plans, because I have no idea what they are at this point. I have a basic outline, but no specifics, so yea.
And at this point, I will say farewell.
Grace and peace to you, and God bless.
Tracy

Woops

It's almost been a week since I last wrote. That's really bad, considering I'm supposed to be writing everyday or every other day for class. Oh well. I can't really change that now, can I? I'm just doing this over my lunch break at my internship instead of my usual 30 minutes of Minesweeper. Good game.
But back to life. Wednesday, we discussed our readings on the Garment District and sweatshop labor. Then Paul's acquaintance from church came and told us about her job as a fashion designer. It was interesting to see how oblivious she was to abuses factory workers experience. After her little diddy, we all went to the Garment District and toured Santee Court, which is a new area of lofts. Then we broke up into small groups and went our different ways. Each group went to a ocuple sweatshops. It was fascinating; you just find a store and look up. If there are curatins over the windows, chances are, it's a sweatshop. Then you just find the entrance, climb the stairs, and walk right in. Easy as pie. I found the accessiblity so odd. But there, my group went to two sweatshops and talked for a while with each owner. I was so surprised. I had expected these awful conditions and miserable employees, but it seemed fine, and the workers were just chilling, sewing and listening to their headphones. We learned that the first factory owner was having difficulty because of the recession. She was getting less product orders and was a litle worried, but still her business kept going. Lydia at one point asked if it got really hot in the room and the owner told us yes and that it got especially hot during the summer. I think the second factory was more eye-opening than the first, because the woman who owned this one admitted that it wasn't a great job. She told us the workers would be better off elsewhere. She also explained to us, very honestly, that sometimes the manufacturers don't pay her on time, and so she cannot pay her employees on time. It's a cycle, and the contractors are not the ones to blame. Well, sometimes they are, but Ive found that the real culprits are the CEOs of big retail companies who take their enormous salaries and ignore the workers underneath them who can barely afford housing. After our visits, we all came back together and ate at Taco House #3. So good. I got two tacos, beans and rice and tarmarindo for $5. I was happy. We discussed our findings and were dismissed for the day. I went back to the center with Jonathan, Josh and Alicia. Alicia worked, and Jonathan wrote a paper, but we also hung out and watched the lost Anchorman movie, entitled Wake Up Ron Burgundy! It wasn't as good as the first, but still hilarious! Then the four of us ate dinner at McDonalds and then proceeded to Brianna's and Bethel's for a rooftop worship session. It was fun hanging out with everyone outside of a school setting.
Thursday I arrived at work to find some cute little flowers on my desk. I thought to myself, "This place is great." I did my work and then Heili told me about the staff Valentine's Day party. They had forgotten to inform me previously, but I didn't mind. They all had drawn names to see who their valentine was and they made litttle gifts for those people. So cute. Heili made me one that day. It was really nice of her. And then we all snacked on the foods, and I went home. And Allie, Emily, and Gabriel came to visit me!! That was the best night in a while. We just talked and laughed and played Tourette's. Fun game that prompts intense laughter! (Especially when you're playing with Emily!) Then Gabe went home and Emily and Allie stayed the night so they could go to class with me in the morning!
Friday we went to school and mostly just discussed how our internships were going. I'm not going to lie, I was jealous people are out doing cool things while I'm stuck in front of a computer in my lonesome cubicle for 6 hours. I'm learning that I'm more of a "go, do" person. Then, because it was raining, we went back to the house and played cards some more and watched Friends. Then they went home and Lydia and I watched Ella Enchanted. It's such a cute movie. I don't care what you say. It was good to just have some roommate time.
Saturday, I took off and went to APU for the day. I can't tell you how good it was to get out of the city and away from all its problems. I'm glad I was able to be there for Carolyn in her time of need, even though I didn't do anything personally. But we took attention off of her and made truffles! Emily and I are experts now! Then I almost missed my bus back to LA, but ran and got there just in time to have the doors shut on my body. Oh well, I was on the bus! And on my way to USC, where I was meeting Becca and Casey, the man siting next to me on teh bus silently handed me his phone number. Thank you, PJ, but I will never call. Then we met Guy and Alvin and all their UCLA friends at La Fonda, apparently a world-famous Mexican restaurant with live mariachi. I found my husband that night, but he doesn't know it yet. Guy bought me their CD, too! Then after the show, I went home.
Sunday, I went back to the Dream Center for another show, I mean, service. But I had to go so I could do my project due Friday. Four of the top 30 American Idol contestants were there, and the pastor invited them up onstage. They talked a little bit about how they are excited that God has placed them where they are in this time, and they asked us to pray for their ability to use their gifts to witness. After church, there was almost a catfight outside. Really? I found that incredibly ironic. Then I went home adn wrote my papers.
Yesterday was Monday. (And someone's lunch smells really good right now!)We had just read all about homelessness, and it was time to see it first hand. So we broke up into pairs and went to Skid Row. Bethel and I ended up taking Sweet Dreamer out to lunch. It was pretty obvious how she got by. When we got to the small cafe, she took off her jackets to reveal this tiny little dress thing that had a deep plunge and no back. Did I mention that it had been raining? Even with her three jackets, she must have been cold, with wet jeans and socks and flipflops. Poor woman. But we bought her a pastrami sandwhich (her favorite!) and talked about life. We talked about boyfriends, and she told us it was better to have many and not just one. "More money that way!" (yep..definitely a prostitute)She mentioned that her sons were taken away from her becasue of her drug problem, so we assumed that this was the reason she was living on the streets. It was pretty cool getting to chat with her. After she left us to go smoke, Bethel gave the rest of her lunch to a man we passed on the way in. Then he proceeded to talk to us for 20 minutes, neither of us understanding a single thing he was talking about. But there was a point when I looked in his eyes and suddenly thought, "Hi, Jesus." Because I could see his kindness in this man's eyes. It was ironic then, when another man walked by and warned us that the other man bites. We ignored him and kept listening. I think that man just needed some ears to talk to. After that we all met up back at the regional center where people began to tell the stories of their encounters, each getting a little more heavy as they went. The last group, Christy, Brianna, and Jesse, had met two men who felt worthless. Both had been in and out of jail, completely devoid of any hope. One of them had even tried to hang himself the last time he was in jail. Most of us were in tears by the end of class. We prayed for all we witnessed and heard about. When we got home, there were SO many people there. Nayeli is in the hospital again. Juanita says it's worse than last time. Lydia and I went to our room to watch Taken. It was so intense, but it was an amazing movie. Incredible. Then we kind of did homework and went to bed around 9. Beautiful.
Pray. For the homeless people we met. For Nayeli and for our patience that runs thin with all the little kids around all the time. For Carolyn and her family. For my ankle, which still hasn't returned to normal yet. Miguel Lozano told me to get it checked out, but I'm stubborn. And what pain it does cause is avoidable. I just can't ever point of flex my foot. And even then, the pain is tolerable. But still, pray for healing so that I don't have to see a doctor. And keep praying that I find a church. I think I may go to New City again this week, because Brianna's group invited their homeless friends to church, and I'd like to support them. But after that, I'm going to continue looking.
Thank you for your prayers and your continued support. You are greatly appreciated.
But now, it's back to work for me!
Tracy

Too Long

Soooo... I have a bit to write about. Because it's been a while since last time. So Thursday I went back to CHC and got to pick the menu for the upcoming symposium. And other stuff, but I forget what that was. But it POURED all day! When I left in the morning, I was sunny, so I didnt have a jacket or an umbrella. Luckily my supervisor lent me her umbrella. I would have been drenched! But I was still pretty unhappy, but that's only because I wore new shoes that gave me a fatty blister! I was really happy that my new pants were water resistant, so the droplets mostly rolled off. Yay! Ew! And on my way down to the subway, this guy was walking behind me, and I heard "mmmMMmmm." Three times. I looked up and he was RIGHT next to me, looking at me. Then he said, "That's a mighty nice sweater you're wearing, lady." Ew.
Friday was a good day. We discussed some of Shane Claiborne and what we've been learning. And I got to lead worship. I think it went well. I do know that it was hard for people to sing along becuase I played mostly new songs, but I hate being stuck with an arsonal of like 5 overplayed ones. But I did hear song people singing harmony, which made me VERY happy! All I could do was my best, and I think God used that. Since then, I've had many of my classmates (and even my professor) tell me that I did a great job. So that was great. That night, a bunch of us went to a place called Pairspace or Pehrspace or something. Whatever. It was a small lounge place with live bands. Friday night happened to be Hella Hipster Hoedown night.. Yea. It was BYOB. But they did provide cornbread and cupcakes and apple cider. At first we thought there was weed cornbread because there were two choices: "doctored up" and "just plain good." I avoided those that were doctored up. But we found out they were just made with chilis. Not pot. It was good to be able to hang out with people, even though it wasn't exactly my scene. I'm glad I went. Then Christy spent the night again. We didn't have any adventures while waiting for the bus, because we knew when it would come this time.
Saturday was a great day! The sun was actualy shining for the day! Christy and I headed over to Hollywood for my first time thriftstore shopping! We went to Melrose. I confess, I did buy a dress that wasn't from a thriftstore, but it was super cute! :) And then we went to Crossroads and I bought really nice suede boots for $25, which is a steal! and i got some tights, a sweater, and another dress. Wonderful. Then we went to American Vintage. Cool place. Some of the clothes remind me of my great grandmother. Yessiree. Then we walked for forever and went to Yogurtland, which was delish. And then we went home. I had a great day. And it was even better because we had carne asada for dinner. Nothing tops that!
Sunday, I decided to try out West Angelus church, aka the Dream Center. What a show. A feel-good church. They started at 10 o'clock with "Who's excited to be here today?!" followed by the audience screaming. Really. I'm not making it up. They actually did that. Needless to say, after my assignment (which requires that I go twice) I'll be looking for a new place. I'm really wanting to try First A.M.E. Rod goes there, and he likes it a lot. So maybe I will too. Maybe it will be normal, whatever normal is. It was the worst day to leave my phone at home, though everything worked out in the end. Christy and I found each other at church, and I was able to come home before Krista and Nicholas gave up on seeing me. The three of us wet to lunch and chatted it up for a bit. It was good to see them for a while. We went to the world-famous Tepeyac. I have to admit, I was good, but I was not used to grease! The rest of the day was uneventful as I only started reading for homework. Not much more.
Monday we had our retreat for class. We went to Paul's house for a pancake brunch and were supposed to go hiking at JPL (Jet Propulsion Lab), but we refused because it was pouring. We were soaked simply walking from the metro stop to his house. So instead, we watched Sicko, a movie on public health that we had mentioned in class. So much for getting away from it all. But the movie (by Michael Moore [enough said?]) posed several interesting questions as it looked at the universal health care systems of Canada, the UK, France and Cuba. People were ctually cared for, rather than turned away so insurance companies could save a buck. What happened to the value of human life? There are few drawbacks to universal health care, and many of the believed myths were dispelled. I blame the capitalist system. And I'm moving to France. Ok, I'm not, but still something needs to be done. I'm excited for what Obama's going to do with our health care. I'm hoping he implements universal health care. It's about time we started actually taking care of people. After the movie, we had a short devotion and a 20 minute prayer session, which really rejuvenated me. Then we went bowling! But only one game. That part made me sad, but oh well- APU paid for it! :) After that, we went to some deli across the street with random stuff. I ordered their apparently famous #1, the combination. And it was disgusting. Thanks, Paul, for the recommendation. And the boba thai tea didn't even make it better because that was bitter with bad boba. :( Boo. Then we came home and I got to talk to Gabriel for a while, which made me very happy. I was not remotely interested in watching Gossipgirl after last week's episode. I think I'm done with the show. It was out of line, and I was disappointed. But One Tree Hill was a rerun, just like two weeks ago. Why can't they play two new episodes in a row, dangit! Whatevs. I went to sleep. :)
Today I went back to CHC. I finally figured out what I'm doing there. I'm pretty much the event planer for the symposium, which I found out I get to go to! And I'm speaking at the coalition meeting next week about my discoveries on my Expired Food Policy hunt (which was nothing). I'm home and doing homework. And praying that Emily and Allie get to come on Thursday. We just have to find them a ride.
Prayer time! I have an issue with roommates. Maybe it's that I've just given up and don't really want to try. But I find that I get anoyed rather easily. I know I should, but I just don't care. You live your life, and leave me alone, and I'll do the same for you. I feel like such a jerk writing that. But that's how I've felt lately. Other than that, I feel like I've been getting a better grasp on what's going on around me, so pray that that continues and I don't feel as lost again. Pray that Emily and Allie get to come. I know that sounds small, but to be able to share my experience with people would be so wonderful! That's all I can think of.
Until next time,
T

Tough Couple of Days

So I last wrote on Sunday? It feels like forever since I updated. But maybe that's because so much has happened since then. Well, Monday for class we went to the courthouse and sat in on a criminal court case. the judge was Lance A. Ito! (If you don't know who that is, it's okay, because they had to tell me, too. But it's the same judge who oversaw OJ Simpson's first trial) The trial was for a guy who possibly killed his pregnant girlfriend. It was really a strange experience, nothing like you'd see on any of those TV shows. I felt like the prosecuting attorney was disorganized and didn't take the case very seriously. One of the alternate jurors appeared to be sleeping for part of it. It was very sad though when the defendant's father was on the stand. He couldn't look at his son. But he knew he had to testify against him. The public defender was actually really good, even though he confessed to us later that it was a difficult case. The jurors were dismissed for early lunch and after they left, Judge Ito talked to us a little bit about the system and the development of the public defense system. When he gave us the background of the case we were hearing, he spoke with confidence, saying that the defendant killed her. I always figured judges were supposed to be impartial. Good thing it's the jury's decision. That day I thought back to when I was a little girl and how I had wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. I decided that I'd make law school a possibility for when I decided to return from my years abroad. I later shared this thought with my friend Miguel, and he said that he didn't think he'd be able to do it. And I thought about it and immediately jumped to the verse that talks about God being the only judge. I decided to hold off on putting it on the possibilities list until after I visited the jail, which was scheduled for Wednesday. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I didn't talk to Miguel until Tuesday. The rest of Monday was a little disheartening. I found out that I wasn't chosen to be an AC. Even though I kinda knew it was coming, I couldn't say I wasn't disappointed. And I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to about it. And that led me to realize that I was lonely. I felt so completely isolated. Even though I have a roommate, we don't talk. We travel together and do homework together, but I don't know how to let myself trust her completely. And I felt like everyone in the program lived so far away, so visiting had to be planned in advance. And I was really disappointed that even though my friends at APU live 30 minutes away, they had not once come to see me for even an afternoon. I'd even be down for homework parties! I've realized that after last semester, I live off of interacting with people. I know I hang out with people, but I don't feel any lasting connections. I know I need to give it more time, but it's difficult. But it was amazing, I knew somebody must have been praying for me, because that night, I signed on to Facebook and ended up talking with four people. I felt immensely better afterwards.
Tuesday was the first day at my internship. I had expected a little bit of instruction or orientation, but was kinda just thrown into the job. So I called several places, trying to find out whether or not policies existed on the sale of expired food products. All I found was that the Los Angeles County Department of Environmental Health would "recommend to the stores that they replace the expired foods with fresher ones." No consequence for repeat offenders. I also designed a registration card to attach to emails sent out about the upcoming symposium and recorded my experiences on the phone with the Health and Food organizations. Looking back, I feel as though I didn't do much. Mia told me she'd have more for me Thursday. After I got off at 4:30, I decided to cross the street to go to the Galleria. I needed to buy more dress pants and shoes, because that's the required dress for work. I left Sears (I still am amazed that I shopped at Sears!) at around 5 and didn't arrive home until after 6:45! Public transit takes a while sometimes. But I did get to talk to my dear sweet Emily while I was on the bus. :) I'm so excited that they are coming next week! And even more excited that they are going to experience class with me!
Today we went to the County Jail. In our readings, one of the authors had called prisons and jails the embodiment of the spirit of death and despair. I felt that as soon as we passed through the first set of bars. I was uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable. In the first room, one of the inmates started singing to get attention from some of us girls and began humping the bars in front of him. I was very offended. Cat calls are one thing. But this? Too much. And because this occurred in the first room, I felt objectified every time I saw one of the inmates looking at me. I know this was not the case for every single one of them and that by thinking this, I'm only encouraging the system of separation. I saw this demonstrated very clearly when we made our way into the homosexual ward. There were four rooms devoted to homosexual men because if homo and hetero were intermixed, heterosexuals would beat up on those who were gay. But the two deputies giving us the tour took us to the room in which they monitor behavior, talking in ways which made us feel as though we were in a zoo, peering through windows at animals. Awful. One thing I found interesting were the red signs stating that it is a felony to engage in any sexual activity in jail. I knew this, but what bothered me was the box underneath the sign where the inmates were to place their used condoms. They stopped enforcing it because they knew it would happen anyways. And they give the inmates protection! I guess AIDS spreads through those rooms pretty quickly. We were then taken to the roof recreational area. A basketball court and a bunch of cages for the most dangerous. The inmates get 3 hours a week of recreation time, and if they take it, they get all 3 hours at once. High security inmates get a small cage for the entire time with only some weights. Cages. That what the deputies called them. They also said that most of the violence in the jail happens up on the roof, so many decline to use their 3 hours. Lastly, we got to see the visiting area. Inmates get one hour a week. And that hour is broken up into four 15 minute sessions. It's so short that many choose not to wait in line for hours, and thus do not get any visiting time. It's really sad. I did not want to be a lawyer anymore. But then we learned that most of the men there were not sentenced. They were awaiting trial. But sometimes this took years. So innocent people (probably few) rotted in jail with criminals while waiting for their names to be cleared. This is not okay. So I decided that instead of spending so much money on the jails, there need to be more courthouses, judges and lawyers to ensure speedy trial. Law school is back on the table. But it's just an option. I have years to decide what I'd like to do with my life. Years to decide how I'm going to use it to further the Kingdom cause. After class, Lydia and I had our first hangout time with Louis, the man at the Civic Center Metro stop who gives us candy. He's a really cool guy. It turns out that he wants to learn English because if he does, he can be promoted at work from busboy to waiter. He kept telling us that we have beautiful souls and was astonished when he learned that Lydia and I both speak Spanish. However, this teaching thing is going to be difficult because Lydia and I have different ideas of how to go about teaching him. Because he isn't in school, I think the best way is simply through practice. In other words, we form a friendship with him and just talk about life. Conversation. Who cares about perfect grammar right now! I wish I had had more conversational Spanish to help me learn. (And you can't really teach proper grammar if you don't know both languages very well. The student will end up confused.) And I got to talk to Kelsey today. It was beautiful. I really know people are praying, because suddenly I had all this contact with people who care about me and for whom I care deeply. So thank you.
It would be lovely if you continued to pray for that for me (the loneliness). And tomorrow I go back for my internship. Pray that I will learn and understand and that I won't be too overwhelmed with simply being thrown in. And pray for the worship and devotion that I'm leading Friday. I'd really like it to be coated in prayer before I go in so that it really is a time all about God and not the Tracy show. I want it to be a time in which each of the other students can connect with each other and God.
Yes Yes.
God is good. Even in darkness, if we look for it, we will find Light.
TJ

Gonghey Fat Choy!

Or at least that's how I think you spell it. It means Happy New Year in Chinese! That's what I did yesterday. But before we get to that, I'll recap everyting since I last wrote. Thursday evening, I pretty much decided for sure that I'm going to intern at CHC, and I'm really excited about it. I start Tuesday, and I get my own cubicle! :) At class on Friday, we went to th emost positive and optimistic site visit of the semester, which is both good and sad. But our visit was to a part of South LA where Sarah lives. We met with a man named Richard, who happened to be the roommate of the author of one of the books we read, so we heard the stories and saw the places in real life. But Richard talked about he and some friends moved into the neighborhood because the passage about loving your neighbors really struck him. He didn't even know his neighbors when he went to USC. God made very clear to them what they were to do and provided that path. Richard told us the story of how there was this liquor store that caused so much trouble at the end of the street, bringing in prosititutes, drunks, drug dealers, and drive-by shootings. This allowed them to rally the neighborhood together to try to shut the place down. It took them three years, but it finally happened, and it brought so much peace to the neighborhood. We also heard stories of how God used them to bring alienated neighbors together in such a way that it could only have been God designed. He talked about the change that they all experienced as a result of their being open to God's direction. One story involves members of the Blood gang. The street they lived on was the dividing line between the Bloods and the Crypts, and so some Bloods were walking down their street, tagging every tree and some doors. Richard had been talking to some of his friends and they were giving these gang members the "mad dog stare." The gangsters approached them and were like "Do you have a problem?" and Richard's friend responded with "Do YOU have a problem?" No so much the right thing to say to an angry Blood. The gangster then asked where Richard lived, and Richard stuck out his hand and told him exactly where. The Blood member was hesitant, but finally shook his hand and said he lived with his momma down the street. The mood of the conversation changed after that, even though there was still some yelling. Later, they tried to get these guys some jobs and developed relationships with them. I guess one day Richard was going to the market and accidentally stepped into the street while the neighborhood Bloods were having a meeting. He decided to keep walking, and pretend like nothing was wrong, though he was terrified. Then he heard someone yell, "Hey Richard!!" and he looked up to see one of those men that he had gotten to know. "Hey B.K.!" All of us students laughed when we pictured the scene. But it was really cool to hear just how vividly God was working there and using Richard and his friends and family.
Friday night, Lydia wasn't feeling well, so she stayed home while Christy, Alicia, Jesse and I went to Universal City walk. We got a little bit dressed up and wandered the brightly lit area. It must have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to keep that up, but it was beautiful! We watched a girl paint incredible pictures with only spray paint. That was great. Then we had appetizers and dessert at Hard Rock Cafe. It was fun getting to spend some time with them and get to know them better. Christy and I planned to be home by midnight, but we arrived at the bus stop from the Metro at 11:40 or so. I knew then that we'd have to wait for a while to catch the right bus, but I didn't realize that we'd be waiting for forty minutes! Luckily, it was well lit and not in a sketch part of town. While seated on the planter, we heard rats scurrying beneath us, and the man next to us, with red eyes, asked if we smoked bud. We said no. Then he asked if we smoked hash. Still no, buddy. Finally, the bus came and we arrived at home. We went to bed at 1 AM.
Saturday morning, I awoke to the sound of Lydia throwing up into the trash can so conveniently placed by her bed. I was really glad that I don't have a queasy stomach, what with the sound of her wretching and the spew of the vomit into the can. And the smell. Luckily, she made it mostly into the trash can and that was removed. She felt better after that and we both went back to bed. Then I woke up and we caught Christy up on some Arrested Development and then Christy and I took off to China town to celebrate the year of the Ox! (Which year is that anyways?) We got boba and spongey cake and were showered with confetti. It was the best street party I ever witnessed. It made me really happy. :)My favorite was the huge dragon at the beginning of the parade. After that I was pretty much fulfilled. But we also watched samuri men and little kids dressed in traditional garb and the women in their outfits. Beautiful. All of it. Then Brianna joined us and we ate pho. So good. And before we left the restaurant, we also accumulated a Jesse and an Alicia. We then wandered across the street to the plaza and watched balancing acts and ninjas breaking sticks on their legs.. and between their legs.. Then I came home and attempted to start the reading for class, but got really tired. So I went to sleep. At 8:00 PM. I had nothing else to do, though I could have gone on the GYRAD with people from APU because they were in Los Angeles. However, at the time of invitation, I had no details. Needless to say, I was a little bummed, but took the opportunity to catch up on my sleep!
I awoke this morning at about 8:00 AM, 12 hours after I went to sleep. I'm pretty sure I'd never slept a full twelve hours in my life! Lydia and I opted not to go to church today, she is still recovering and I didn't want to go by myself. Lame? Yes. But I am excited about having my own quiet time and playing my guitar for my own worship. Oh! And Sarah asked if I'd lead our class worship on Friday. I'm super excited to do so, I just need to be in prayer about it.
Thank you for your prayers. I feel them. God is teaching me and challenging me, and I cannot wait to continue in my growth. Pray that I'm able to process these things more quickly and that they become more real to me. Pray for my class and the worship I'm going to be leading, that God will use that time for us all to meditate on Him. And I start my internship on Tuesday, so pray that God bless my time with this organization and that our labor proves to be fruitful. Pray for South LA. I learned a lot about the area this last week, and I have developed a heart to serve that community, which I'll be able to do while I'm with CHC. Pray for my relationship with you, that it will not fade and that when I come back, we can still connect, because sometimes I'm afraid that I'll be so different and no one will recognize that, making it difficult for me to retain this character I'm developing.
Grace and Peace to you,
Tracy

FINALLY!!!!

So I know I wrote two days ago, but I have stuff to write again, so I will before I forget! Yesterday was a crazy day of learning for me. In class we talked about public health and went to the LA County Department of Health and
spent some time learning there. Then Mia from Community Health Councils, Inc. came and talked to us about what her organization is doing to promote health is South Los Angeles. We learned even more about injustices down there. You see, South LA has a stigma for having a bunch of unhealthy fat people. But if their only options for food are gross grocery stores that even sell stuff passed the expiration dates, overpriced convenience stores with limited options (and still expired goods), and fast food, of course they are going to be unhealthy. Right now CHC is getting ready to release a bunch of dirt on the grocers who've turned their backs on the area. They tried to be nice, but Ralph's just didn't want to comply. All CHC asked was that Ralph's care as much about the stores in South LA as they do for all others. And CHC warned them that they had plenty of information. But Kroeger's (the company that owns Ralph's and Food4Less) didn't care. Most of us students were outraged at this.
I got to thinking about it as Mia was leaving that it would be a great internship place. So I called her after class and set up an interview for today. After that, I left for Azusa! I took the Gold Line, which is actually pretty efficient, and Meredith picked me up. I ate dinner with Allie and Carolyn, went to Starbucks with Kelsey, Brian and Amber, and then had a few minutes to catch my breath before the AC group interview. It was so good to hang out with those people again. I got to share a little bit of what I am learning, which is good for me in processing the whole thing.
The group interview was amazing. I had a ton of fun, and everyone applying is great. The final team that is picked is going to be phenomenal. For real. We find out on Monday. And I'll either get it, or I won't. Either that's where God wants me, or it's not. I'll be okay either way,but I'd really like to be an AC. If not, I'll just apply to be a returner. They aren't getting rid of me that easily! Plus, I'm not done with Alpha yet. I know I want to be involved in some aspect. After the interview, I was able to go to Kaleo and worship with voices all around me. I got to see my Emily and Pickolas and Cody and my alpha students, Meredith, Milton, and maria! (Wow, I just realized I saw all the Ms at the same time!) Woody talked about loving our neighbor, as in the parable of the good Samaritan. I thought a lot about South LA. Afterwards, I saw another Alphie (Sara) and Kari and Melissa. And BAILEY, my RA, who did a dance when he saw me. Except it wasn't cuz he saw me, it was because I told him we were dancing. But it was still funny. It was so good to everyone, if only for a brief moment.
Today, I had my interview for CHC, and I think I may be interning there. I'm really excited. I'll be researching to see if there are any policies existing that deal with the sell of expired goods, and if not, I get to be a part of developing a proposal, I think. And I get to help set up the big symposium, where CHC is going to release all their information. I'm so excited. I call her tomorrow to let her know my decision, but I'm pretty set there, especially since South Central LAMP was a bummer and CHIRLA never called me back. I did call Inner City Law Center, but if I can't get an interview today, I won't go there. I was supposed to have this a week ago. I've realized I love South LA. People there are hilarious. I was walking down the street and smiled my usual greeting at the the guy I was sharing the sidewalk with and he was like "OOH! Little Red Riding Hood! Ain't choo cute wit cho.." and I didn't catch the rest of it.But then he shouted his number to me. I just laughed, because really, that's all you can do. And now I'm done. :)
Prayerness: Praise God I've gotten an internship pretty much set up. I feel like He just had to guide me to where He wanted me. Keep in mind, I find out about AC on Monday. Prayer for that would be appreciated! Thank God for the return of joy. But you can pray that I stop being lazy about homework and start finishing before I go to bed so that I don't have to wake up at 4:30. I have to admit, that is a bit of a drag. Oh! Pray for Nayeli (I have no idea if that's how you spell it), Juanita's niece who's in the hospital. And that's about it at the moment, I think.
Love love!
Tracy


PS. Friends and family are encouraged to come visit us and to even attend class with us to see what we're learning! ;)

1/27

I don't even know what to title these things anymore now that we're into the semester. And might I add that it's extremely difficult to keep up and be consistent. I'm already falling behind!
Ok, so since Wednesday, on which I forgot to tell you, our friend who we see at the Metro stop everyday brought us Ferrero Rocher chocolates! A 12 pack each! That was very generous of him. That was the day we found out his name: Louis!
Thursday was the second day for interviews and setting up internships. I tried calling and emailing people. I called Sarah, the program coordinator and she gave me another name to contact (which ended up being a dead end), but she also consoled me and told me that there's really not a whole lot that I can do about them not calling me. And she said that if I didn't start Tuesday, it would be okay. I spent all day by myself because Lydia did have interviews and Erika was at school and Juanita was at work. But before they all came home, I left to go hang out with Dino. That was good. We had Thai food, and he brought me some stuff I had left at home. Like my guitar. I'm so glad I have it now, except for the fact that it's out of tune. But I suppose that's easily remedied.
Friday was our first day of Community Organization and Social Change. We talked about the differences between charity, relief, community development and community organization and a little bit about how we're doing with homesickness and such. I realized that I was a little hungry for communication. You all can read this and feel connected to me in a way, but I'm lacking contact with you guys. Please feel free to call me. I'd probably love to hear your voice and know how you're doing! After class, some of us decided we'd go to Chinatown and then to my house to watch Arrested Development! Well, before we went there, Jesse had an interview, so Lydia, Josh and I went to Starbucks and chatted it up for a bit. Then we met them in Chinatown after they had managed to pick our teacher from off the Metro. So he hung out with us, and we all ate fried bananas (which were delicious!) and then went and got $2 combos from ABC Seafood, which isn't only seafood. There wasn't room to sit in there, so we went to a bakery that Paul (our teacher, whom we call P. Diddy) showed us. There we ate, sampled pastries that Paul bought us and drank boba! Good stuff. We laughed and told stories. I'm pretty sure I've never hung out with a teacher outside of class before. One of the coolest things ever! :) After that Aicia and Jesse came over and stayed the night. We watched first 7 episodes of Arrested Development and then they went home. And we did our homework. Kind of. I can't rememeber what Saturday was like. Oh! I talked to Allie for almost an hour. That was really good. I definitely felt better after that. And later, most of the LA Term students got together and we ended up at the same restaurant that I went to on Thursday. The food was just as good the second time. (If you want good Thai food in LA, go to Tip's House. Or Alice's restaurant, but I haven't been there yet.) Then I came home and went to sleep. End of Saturday.
Sunday started with my meeting Christy and Brittan to got to church at Immanuel Presbyterian. We made it for the last bit of the bilingual service and the whole English one. I think I'd probably like the bilingual one better, but that's ok. The worship music was odd, and then I realized that it was probably from Africa, so I looked in the bulletin. Sure enough, the first song was in Zulu and the second was from Tanzania. Then came the sermon. It was the first time I'd ever heard a female pastor speak. She talked about no worrying so much about what you're supposed to do in life. It's about how you do it. God gave you passions, but he wants you to live for Him. It was definitely different from what I'm used to. I felt like I was stuck in the early 90s. Next week, I'll try F.A.M.E. (First African Methodist Episcopal) or the Church of the Redeemer. Anyways, after church, I went with Christy and Brittan for a quick stop at the Coffee Bean (my first time ever) and ordered a Winter Dream Latte. When I had gone to Starbucks last, I ordered a Vanilla Rooibos Latte. I realize that I absolutely adore tea lattes. They are delicious! You should try one. And shortly after that, I met up with Alicia and Jesse and Lydia and Brianna and Bethel and Josh to go watch some more Arrested Development at Alicia and Jesse's homestay. (Noticing a pattern?) After about 4 episodes, there were just four of us, and Jonathan joined us, too. We ate dinner with their family, which was great. They made their own Jamaica and Horchata! It was so good. I'm starting to see that I'm pretty in love with new beverages. I guess you could say I like to drink. ;) Or not. Then, because it was dark Jonathan and Josh came with me to make sure I got home alright and ended up sticking around for a little while, mostly doing homework. Then as the bus pulled up for them to leave, we all gave each other hugs, and the bus started to pull away! It was the funniest thing to watch them chase it down for 13 seconds.
Monday we talked about our reading (the first 3 chapters of The Powers That Be by Walter Wink) and discussed spirituality and systems for a while. Then we split into four groups and walked around South LA on another sort of Scavenger hunt, but it was more for observation than anything. (We have to use it to write a paper. Boo.)After class, I came home and had my telephone AC interview. I can't tell you whether it went well or not, but I can tell you I'll either get the position or I won't. :) But really, I'm not upset with the way I represented myself, because I was honest in what I thought. Wednesday is the group interview, so I'll be on APU campus for a few hours. Christy and Brittan came over for GossipGirl, but it was a rerun, so I was very upset. We think it'll be a weekly thing now, them coming over to watch it after yoga. That was the end of Monday pretty much, except for the fact that I toca'ed the guitarra for a little while and got a phone call from South Central LAMP (because Sarah had given me the Executive Director's cell phone number). She told me to go to the open house and talk to (yet another) person who could help me.
So this morning, I got up and was on my way to South Central. When I got off the bus, I couldn't remember the address, so I asked around, walked a little bit in the wrong direction, then realized I could call the organization. I pressed 4 and the recorded message told me that I had to go to 104 West 47th. The problem was that I was at 1000 47th street. So I walked West. For a while. When the numbers started going up again, I knew something was wrong. Then I realized that the address was for 47th PLACE. Not Street. So I walked up half a block and started looking around. From what I could tell, there wasn't a 104 West 47th Place in existance. So I called the operator, and she told me that they operated out of the building on McKinley and 48th Street. The problem is that I had passed McKinley fairly early on in my journey. I had to walk back to almost where I started. I finaly arrived and actually talked to the person I was directed to! Luckily, I had brought my resume with me just in case. She told me that they were in need of someone to do administrative work. Not what I expected. I had really wanted to do something with ESL, but they had only the idea of individual tutoring. If I did that, it'd be rocky at first and it wouldn't start for a while. I'd mostly do paperwork and phone calls, which is not really what our internship is supposed to be about. I still haven't heard from CHIRLA and I'm not sure about South Central LAMP. I'm just frustrated with it all. I wish I could know. And I wish it would work out soon.
Pray for it. Please. It's stressful when everyone else started work today and I'm still looking for an internship. Also, pray for what I'm learning and that my mind and heart will be opened. That I'll be able to go deeper. I'm going back to APU tomorrow for the interview, and hopefully I'll see a few friends. Continue in prayer for my church search. And that's all I can think of for now. I'm a little sad inside, but I'm not sure why. So pray. Prayer is always good.
Goodbye for now, folks!
Teej :)